Do you refer to DSC's as your children?

[Tamzin125]

DP and I were talking recently about a friend's situation. Our friend is married to someone who had two children but who's father had sadly passed away. Ever since I've known him, he's referred to the children as his son and daughter. Now him and his wife have gone on to have a son together, he now says he has three children. DP said they all are very much our friend's children.

I know it's potentially different as the father has passed away but it got me thinking about other step situations, ones where both parents are still very much involved. I know my stepson's mum would flip her lid if she heard me refer to him as my son. I love him to bits but never quite know how to refer to him. What do others say? If asked if I have children, I normally say no but my DP has a son. If stepchildren are your only children, do you say you have no children or do you say they are yours? Or if you also have bio children, do you just count the bios or do you also count steps? Do you specifically refer to them as steps or do you say son / daughter?

Apologies if I've written this badly, I've had very little sleep with being ill lately so am finding it hard to get my point across.

Depends. If it is no one of consequence e.g. hairdresser etc then I say yes or say my son/daughter. They don't need to know details.

I have 2 sons, 1 stepson and a shared daughter and if people ask I say we have 4 children. I don't introduce my dss as my son but he is part of my family iykwim

Depends who's asking, how accurate I want to be, how much time I have to explain etc etc.

I gave birth to three children. I have two stepchildren. Many of my life decisions involve taking into account all five children. Sometimes I say I have five children. I don't mean I have (possess) five children. I mean I have five children to look after at various points in the week, I have five childrens welfare/day to day and long term care to think about.

I wouldn't refer to my DSC as my son or daughter but again I don't think it's what you call them that should matter but the intention behind it.

I say we have four children, three together and my husband has a daughter from a previous relationship.

if asked DH will say he has a son. unless talking to someone about important issues for example a doctor, he wouldn't go into detail about how he's his wife's son/step-son.

DH is very much his dad though, there is little involvement from his bio-dad.

I include my 2 stepchildren when I say how many kids I/we have. Also when check out staff say how much like me they look I sme and say thank you. They are now 21 and 18 and as they are gorgeous gingers, look nothing like me! I do not take the place if their mum who is sadly still living but I am definitely a parent! They always say they have 4 parents too

Overthemill that's really lovely they say they have 4 parents :)

I think it's different as your friends kids dad is dead so wildly different than a situation where both parents are alive and involved.

I never refer to my dsc's and my children. I explain we have 3 kids between us, we have dd and dp has 2 older kids.

their mum would literally murder me of i ever referred to them as mine!! although surprisingly dsc's don't correct people who assume they are mine so I tend not to either but not sure if that's right or not tbh

I have two and a step. If we are together out and about then the call them "the children" instead of "my children". If more formal then we will explain. I don't see myself as her mother but I never differentiate between siblings, she is my dc's sister, not their half sister.

I have the opposite problem it feels odd to call DH's Stepmum MIL and just reminds that I will never meet his DM

Mel0Drama - I hope you don't mind me asking but can I ask why you weren't happy? I would've thought it shows she loves your child a lot to refer as child rather than stepchild, but not having any bio children of my own I can't possibly know what it feels like from your point of view.

Depends on the situation.
Sometimes it's I have 2,
Sometimes it's We have 3
Sometimes it's I have 2, and shares in another.

my dh has 4 dcs by first marriage the oldest of whom is 2 years younger than me. They have never lived with us and live at least 100 miles away. We have 2 dc together. I always refer to his dcs and our dcs - have never tried to be a dm to them more a friend due to closeness in age.

I often say we have 4 Dc, but would never refer to dsc as "my" children as dsc#1 is only 15 years younger than me.

I occasionally speak of our children when explaining I actually mean DPs children, my step children would take to long / be unnecessary but this is unusual. Dps exp tried to get DSD to call her new step dad 'daddy' and tries to get dsd to consider her new step fathers family as important as her dad's family which dsd finds confusing. So for her sake I try to talk of step relationships so she knows we are family but not replacing her biological family - iyswim.

My dsd calls my parents grandma and granddad, the same as her siblings do. She loves them and they love her, we spend time in their home when she's visiting, she's a fully fledged member of the family unit, I don't see it as a problem. She calls me by my first name.

I never think of dss as my child and he doesn't think if me as a parent, but he is only 9 years younger than me.

DH and I have one child together and I have two children from a previous relationship.

DH refers to all 3 as his children and I think it upsets him if anyone questions it. The older two call him Dad and have no involvement at all with their biological father. Our situation is different as well though as ex was violent and I had restraining orders etc.

A bit of a name drop one here, but we were once on the same flight as Emma Watson's father and step mother and 3 half siblings (we vaguely know them as they used to live near us and our DCs are similar age to the half siblings). Anyway, the step mother (who seems very nice) got talking to another couple on the flight and we heard her say at one stage that they also have two grown up children. it did make DH and me smile knowing just who one of those children is! (which she did not reveal). I suspect she just didn't want to get into the detail with a stranger, so does not necessarily mean she always calls them her children.