Don't know why I'm bothering

[annemarie5874]

I have 7 children of my own and two step children one lives with us after being taken away from mum for drug and alcohol abuse, she has since died of this, SD has lived with us for 5 years and is now 11, After a few days of constant arguing about staying up late, going to the park, not doing homework, after school detentions my partner yesterday told my step daughter that if I tell her to do anything, ground her? Tell her to do her homework she is to tell me to f*#k off! Why am I even bothering?

it sounds like you have all had a lot on and to deal with lately but you and your partner should be a unit when it comes to discipline. not sure what you can do to change it is he likely to talk to you about it? if dp ever told sd or ss they could tell me to fuck off he would be out faster than be could blink and I'd expect the same if I let ds treat him that way too.

Hmm, SD and SS mum told them they were allowed to swear at P and feel free to say whatever they like to him.
Bit her on the arse in spectacular fashion when they decided as it was ok for dad, it was ok for mum too.

Sadly it means now that they have no respect for either parent so well done 'mum' for trashing your kids lives first by bogging off and having another five children with OM, then by alienating them from their dad.

OP ask him how he would feel if SD told him to fuck off, then detach. Tell him its no longer your problem. He can dole out the discipline, feed her, fetch her from the cop shop, hell he can even take her for std/pregnancy checks.

On the other hand you could just throw the pair of them out on their ears and have a more peaceful life

Actually on second thought the above sounds rotten and very kneejerk.

Sorry.

I'd point out to him that he has destabilised one of her relationships with an important, influential and stable adult figure, with what he has said, it, once started, can only really get worse. Next she'll tell teachers to fuck off. It will spiral. I know, i have been there, and i don't want it round my own children.

Your relationship with her doesn't have to be authoritarian but must at least be based on respect as she is at the age where she could very easily go off the rails.

Has anyone asked why she is so unhappy? If there's a problem?

You both must be on the same page when it comes to parenting this girl, as she has been through so much, i'm not minimising what you as a couple or een just you are going through, with the behaviour she is displaying. If it was my DP i'd say 'On the same page or on your own, bub'

He just took the first step to creating a monster in my opinion. Not the child, but her behaviour.
HE now needs to do some serious damage limitation.