Should I tell DP?

[Fooso]

Hi all, my DSD (16) has had several bouts of feeling unwell. All we could get out of her is "I just don't feel well", DP took her to docs, blood test clear etc. Been off school for 2 days and DP is at his wits end as we both thought she is being bit of a hypochondriac!... Anyway, I went in to her this morning and found out she's had the contraception jab 6 weeks ago. She has had a boyfriend for about a year. I've googled and I'm almost convinced this is the reason for her "sickness"... Her Dad has got her a docs appointment and I've told her to tell the doc about the jab etc. She obviously doesn't want me to tell her dad, as he "will go mad". I think he will be upset that she's having sex but will be understanding. My concern is if its a health issue should he be in the picture? Should I keep the confidence and let her deal with it? Thoughts...? By the way, no mum on the scene..

I tend to think that she is legally old enough to be having sex, responsible enough to deal with getting the contraception jab and obviously didn't need parental permission for that. The state/doctor doesn't think her parents need to know about this, so it's not your responsibility to tell them.

I think it's more a question of how concealing that information from him affects your own relationship with him, really. It's not nice to be in a position where you have to outright lie to your partner.

Also if this illness drags on and your DP gets even more worried about her, it would be pretty cruel not to tell him what is probably going on re: side effects from the jab rather than let his mind race to worse case scenarios. But maybe give it a couple of days?

Encourage her to tell him, support her when she does, and tell him that he's done a good enough job that she's being responsible.

I hate when kids are scared to tell a parent they're DTD, or about to.
With my oldest DD and DS, i went along with them to the FP clinic so i could show them where it was, help them with the forms, etc. No embarrassment as we'd discussed it for a few years before it came to having to do it.

I think she has two options really

1. tell her dad about the jab
2. try and engineer some means by which her dad does not come to the GP with her. She definitely needs to tell the GP about the jab - (does the GP not know already?)

She's 16 so I'd say it's really up to her to decide if she wants to tell her dad - you could encourage her to do so, but I wouldn't force the issue. If she doesn't want to tell him, could you offer to go with her instead? Otherwise she will need to say to her dad that she's fine to go alone. If she's old enough to be having sex and sorting out contraception for herself, she should be able to say to her dad that she doesn't need him at the doctors, or that she'd rather go alone or with you. Could she just say something vague to her dad that she thinks it might be "women's problems" if she really feels she can't tell him? Tell him she's spoken to you about it but doesn't want to discuss the details with him? I don't think that's ideal though

^ this is good advice :)

If dh knew something like this about my daughter I'd be livid if he didn't share with me so we could agree a plan together, even if that was to say nothing to her. I would not want my partner withholding any knowledge about my own children... Even they're adults! However ridicules that sounds!

Sorry should read even when they're adults!

It is the girls right to privacy though

Not at the cost of her father and step mother's relationship it's not.

I would tell him, but ask him not to say anything to her.

I presume they do a pregnancy test before they give her the jab?

Lots of women feel awful on it, so I'm not surprised a young girl does. Poor thing, hopefully her body will get used to it soon.

Oh and I would be having the 'belt & braces' chat with her too and reminding her it prevents pregnancy, not disease.

I wouldn't tell her dad. She is 16 and has the right to privacy.

She's 16 her choice of contraceptive is entirely her own business. She's told you because she trusts you and I don't think your relationship with her Dad should be a consideration. Her Dad does not have the right to know about her contraceptive choices.