Ok, now it's autumn, what can DH do with DSS during contact?

[WakeyCakey45]

DH is court ordered to have 4 hours contact with DSS every other Saturday. While not specifically ordered, the court advised DH not to bring DSS to our home and to have "contact in the community". (Huge back story that i won't go into again now).

Over the last few months, that's been fine, because DH has varies pickup times to coincide with events going on locally - carnivals, ghost walks, festivals and fetes. But now, that calendar has dried up, and most of the local attractions/amusement parks etc have closed for the season.

So, what do "weekend dads" do with their DCs in the winter? We've never been in this situation before; last winter, DSS was no contact, and the years prior to that he's been a member of our family, so has been at home with us. There are a few parks they can have a football kick about in, and the beach is close enough to make a bus journey to, but there are no "indoor" activities close enough to travel to - we don't have museums/galleries and the like. Four hours is a long time to fill when it's wet, cold and windy. I'm beginning to understand why McDonalds is full of kids and dads

Any ideas?

Maybe DSS needs to learn to stop telling mummy dearest every single thing he does with his dad and learning the art of 'nothing much' when asked what they've been doing. Kids manage it when they've been to school and with friends.

Oh, if only.

One of the saddest things I ever heard was DSS on the phone to his mum one day when she was apparently interrogating him about something he'd been doing with me. He came off the phone in tears - sobbing that "mum says she has spies everywhere, so she always knows what i'm doing"
We think that a friend/colleague had mentioned to her that they'd seen DSS with me somewhere during the day.

DSD confirmed that her mum would tell her to "come straight home, my spies will know if you dawdle".

The bloody women has convinced her DCs that they are under constant surveillance. They're too scared to lie.

:(

Poor kids. Is DSD not seeing DH at all at the moment?

No, DSD walked out of our home and life 12 months ago and we've not seen her since.
She responded to texts from DH for a few months but has been completely no contact for about 6 months now - she didn't respond to an invite to our "wedding" (we renewed our vows publicly) or thank him for her birthday gift.

She did add me as her stepmum on FB quite recently, though

I wonder if that's just so mummydearest can 'spy' on you?

How old is she now? (DSD not MD)

I wonder if that's just so mummydearest can 'spy' on you?

How old is she now? (DSD not MD)

I'm sure it is - DSS said to DH that me&DH are his mums "favourite topic of conversation; she's always going on about you". She clearly needs someone to hate, and I fit the bill - but now the DCs refuse to have anything to do with me she can't find out anything to slag me off about from them, so she's got to get ammunition from somewhere else!

DSD is 17 - and a weekly border at college away from home. Best thing for her - and she often stays away at weekends too.

Poor kids .

It's a shame that although DSD is away at college (definitely a good move) that she still doesn't want to see her Dad :(

I think I would have ignored her facebook request.

I wonder if she has any idea just how much she's damaging both of her kids? I wonder if she will ever realise?

I think I would have ignored her facebook request.

We were already FB "friends" from when she and I were close - it would have caused more drama if I'd deleted/blocked her after she dumped us. Then, a few months later, I get a FB message saying she'd added me as her stepmum. I didn't confirm it - just ignored!

She has no idea how much damage she's doing, because she can't recognise that she herself was damaged - all she's doing is reliving her own childhood through her DCs.

My partner has spent the last year trawling the streets with his children. He knows this is not 'normal'.

They need to be bored. Watch TV. Play on xbox. Have a bath. Fill the dishwasher. Squabble over the TV remote. Help with homework.

So, he has rented a house. I support him 100%. He loves his children so much and he misses them. Yep, I am the evil whore incarnate so the children are not allowed within a foot of me (but it is ok for her to chat to my son at school

tesla We did consider it, but came to the conclusion that it wouldn't work because it's not me that's the issue, per se, it's the home environment that DSS mum disapproves of.
This is evident in other areas of DSS life, too - he spends a great deal of time at his grandmas house; she's his joint primary carer and DSS spends as many as 2 out of 3 weekends (fri to sun) at her house.
Yet, he's never left so much as a toothbrush there between visits. he has to cart everything - books, DVDs, games consoles, clothing, wash bag to and from. He has a little trundle suitcase especially for his "trips to grandmas". He's not allowed to make it feel like "home". And, just like when he did come here to us for as much as a week at a time, all his dirty laundry has to "go home" to be washed at his mums.

I'm not sure what's behind it - I assume his mum feels insecure in some way and alleviates that by ensuring that DSS only has one home. She was enraged when DH bought a family house when they split - she had chosen a one bed flat for him to rent, where she said the DCs could sleep on the living room floor when she needed him to have them

Sadly, over time, her attitude has resulted in DSSs compete rejection of our home and of DH as a member of his family.