Travelling for access

[xmasbaby2014]

I'm just wondeting what arrangements you all have regarding travelling to facilitate access between children and the NRP? At the moment my exh comes to collect our children and drop them home the weekends he has them, this is at his request. He only lives a mile away. My dp does all the travelling to collect and drop home his dcs but they live almost three hours away. His ex refuses to help out. The trouble is dp wont be able to drive for at least several weeks early next year due to an operation. I dont mind helping out sometimes but will have a newborn as well as work and my other dcs to look after. There is currently no access agreement in place. If we went to court for one could we get it written in that travelling must be split, even just for next year?

I think the answer to whether a Court would Order his ex do half the travelling would be dependent on the circumstances. Is it feasible for ex to travel that distance? Does she have a baby/young child too which would make it difficult for her? Does she drive/have access to decent public transport. Also who moved away? If she moved away then it's only fair she does at least half the travelling.

It's a contentious issue. I do 50/50 with my ex, my DP does all the driving. It's roughly the same distance for each of us (2.5 hours round trip) to our ex's houses.

My DP thinks it's the least he can do when his ex has 'time to herself' to ensure she isn't spending almost half a day 'off' in the car, given that he only has his kids e.o.w. He would like to see them more but that's just how things are due to distance - even if he could see them more, I imagine he would still do the driving because he still sees her as a friend, and that's his position.

I'd love to say my ex was as helpful but despite the same e.o.w arrangement if I didn't do half the driving I suspect he'd actually consider stopping seeing them. He would certainly dick about with money. We obviously aren't friends :)

In all the split/blended family scenarios I know of I don't think there is a standard agreement. It's very dependent on the general mish mash of relationships - who is willing to give/take. Personally I wouldn't see it as a SP job to collect/drop off my kids to my ex. However I'd happily do that for my DP's kids, now and again.

Sorry - not very helpful a reply is it? I wish so much more of the whole SP spectrum was a bit more cut and dried!! Just wanted to let you know that even in the same circumstances, me and DP have ended up with totally different arrangements so as far as I can tell there isn't a default position.

Good luck working it out and I hope by the time your situation changes you have something settled.

an awful lot ime depends on who moved to put the 3 hours travelling between them.

if it was your dp then a court is more likely to tell him that it's his responsibility to do the travel likewise if it was her then they would be more likely to make her do it all or split 50/50

now might be a good time to discuss it with her and agree a length of time it will be for etc

Thanks for the replies. To answer a couple of questions it was dp who moved away, well they both moved but he moved furthest if that makes sense. For that reason he has always done the driving and never minded but he genuinely wont be able to for a while next year. It could be for a few weeks but could also be for several months depending on the outcome of the surgery. We will have a new baby so its the worst possible time in that we dont want the scs feeling excluded from things. Their mum is refusing to comprimise AT ALL. Her attitude is that its not her problem and she doesnt care whether the scs get to spend time with us and the baby. As I said I dont mind helping occasionally but work a lot of weekends so just wont be available. The weekends i dont work I have my own dcs. I suppose i was just wondering whether a judge might consider it, all we need is 6 months at the most and we're happy to go back to the way things are after that.

it would be worth talking to a solicitor but I suspect you wouldn't win in court I am afraid.

I think your best course of action is to talk to family and see if anyone can help facilitate contact? and if not you may be better to consider mediation rather than court

Can he postpone the operation so that it doesn't coincide with the new baby?
I wouldn't be impressed with being expected to do that amount of travelling if my ex chose to move so far away.
Personally I have a huge commute because I didn't feel it was in my child's interest to spend hours in the car.
We live 5 mins apart and have fallen into an unwritten rule that whoever has the child does the drop offs - so we're mostly drop off not pick up.

We went to court for a similar situation and the judge did ask the ex to drive some of the distance . In our case the ex moved but that is immaterial . The judge will make a decision based on the rights of the children, which is to see both parents . They look at the current situation in both households and determine what could be achieved . I doubt the ex will get away with zero driving if she is able . solicitors don't have much experience of this but you can go to court and get a contact order that specifies how drop off/collection works . It is worth trying mediation but in our case the ex refused to compromise in mediation which doesn't go down well in court . Having shared drop offs has been so positive to us so I would recommend it . Do look at other options as well such as public transport but of course that depends on children's ages.We were in a similar situation to you, if the ex didn't travel contact would be reduced to almost nil..we had nothing to lose by going to court and could only gain.