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Step-parenting

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I feel like I am so alone with it comes to being a step-mother!

10 replies

vmrob · 23/09/2014 21:50

My husband and I have been married almost 4 years when married him I never met his kids from ex-wife. The first time I met then they came for the summer and my husband left for training (he’s military) for 3 months; leaving me pregnant and a lone with 3 kids I didn’t know for the whole summer break. I was upset because I needed to be on bed rest and couldn’t. Now it’s always the same every summer we fight a lot( money, kids etc) Because all he does is play video games when not at work; leaving me to care for all the kids. We now have two kids ages 2 and 1. So every summer I’m caring for 6 kids with no help.( I also have a child from ex husband) I can’t began to explain how much resentment and anger have built up inside. It wouldn’t be so bad if he helped out and gave me a break once in the while. Now when they come to our house every little thing irritates me. My husband will talk to them like their babies (ages 13, 11, 10) and I try hard to bit my tongue. But when he’s not around they talk and act normal. They are always trying to start stuff between us like laying to him saying I said something to them when I didn’t.
We are barely making it pay check by paycheck because he’s ex get a lot of child support that’s supposed to go towards daycare but they haven’t been in daycare for over 4 years. We just don’t have money for lawyer to have it adjusted. Every summer we have to sell and pawn stuff just to feed the children. We have to get help from churches because the lights or water will be turned off. When we ask their mother for help with at least half the child support she won’t; she usually goes on trip to Indian or wherever with the child support; and will even rub it in our face or call the girls saying guess where I am. After almost 4 years I’m to the point of walking away from my marriage or at least leaving in the summer time. Mentally and financially I can’t handle this anymore. I know its wrong but I feel like if their his kids he should be the one using his money for their clothes, shoes, and whatever else they need. Not me. I’m not their mother. I take care of them because he won’t. I think a lot of my husband problem is the two youngest are not biologically his because he’s ex cheated; I don’t understand why he will push them off on me like I did it.

Am I a bad step mother for wanting to leave? Does this make me a bad person for having so must resentment?

OP posts:
FunkyBoldRibena · 23/09/2014 21:55

No love. I'd have gone long ago. At the point of the first summer hols.

What are your options? Can you move out, or work?

almamaire · 23/09/2014 22:02

I could leave anything I guess for some reason I'm scared too.

wheresthelight · 23/09/2014 22:43

how on earth did you marry someone without having met his kids???

leave! he is basically treating you like a skivvy and that is not fair. he needs to help especially with his older kids - if they are not biologically his why is he paying chikd support for them?? how sure are you he is telling you the truth?

needaholidaynow · 23/09/2014 22:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

almamaire · 23/09/2014 23:41

My husband was deployed during the times she got pregnant; which is true I saw he's deployment orders. He pays child support because court says he has to since he sign their birth certificate. Plus if he was to change it their mother already threaten him that he'll never see them again and they only know him as their father. (they don't no the truth)

I think its great that he wants to be a stand up guy but I'm tried of him not helping and putting the work on me. Its just so much with two babies running around. I with kids 24/7; a break would be nice =)

Thanks ladies for making feel better; I was beginning to think it was me.

wheresthelight · 24/09/2014 09:08

it's a credit to him standing by the kids but I really think he needs to sort something better out.

he cannot expect you to deal solely with his kids. he is their parent not you

i look after dsc's alone a lot but that was my choice and something that dp discussed at length with me prior to the custody arrangements being agreed and it was my offer to have them while he was at work. however he does do the lions share when he is here

HadACakeful · 24/09/2014 09:43

I think you need to sit down with him and have a chat. I'm all for looking after my DSC if it's discussed between DH and I but it's not expected.

At the end of the day they come to stay over summer to spend time with their dad - clearly this isn't happening if he's not there the whole time. Seriously, what's the point of them coming if they're not getting to see and spend time with him?

I take my hat off to you for putting up with the situation the way it's been for so long, I really do.

almamaire · 24/09/2014 16:31

I have tried many times to talk to him about this; I even offer to help paid for a activity for them to do. I do a lot research for summer camps I know the girls would enjoy; they want to go. But he just tells me I hate them and don't want them around =(
So instead I take them to the library we read and check out books or go to parks. I let them fit my hair or do my nails. we do fashion shows; they love to dress up in my heels. The thing is I love them; Its just like with other mothers we deserve to get a break; time for our self. I believe my husband has already push the girls away because of his video gaming; they do prefer to be with me; I cant even go to the store alone because they want to come instead of staying with their father. sometimes I get the feeling my husband is jealous because they prefer to go with me or if they have questions they ask me, when their sick they come to me, if they want food they come to me.

Should I just be grateful that I have children that want to depend on me? instead of complaining?

waithorse · 25/09/2014 11:53

Have you posted about this before ? It seems familiar.

partyskirt · 25/09/2014 14:24

Oh dear - I would leave if I were you.

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