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Original poster

I must put DSD first at all times it seems

20 replies

FeelTheNoise · 06/09/2014 16:14

Every time DSD is not the centre of my plans I pay a very high price, and it's getting me down Hmm

DSD and DP live with his parents, I live with my DC and we are looking for a house together.

DSD and DP stayed at mine last night. DP isn't well but said DSD could chill with him today. DSD wanted to hang out with me all day, but I explained that I had a few plans. My old sch friend had texted to say she is back in the UK and would like to meet in our home town today, and I explained that any other plans would fit around this meeting. DP suggested friend and I take DSD out for food, but I said that my friend had expressly said it would be just she and I for once, which means we could really catch up. I made a few other plans with DSD by way of an apology, although I do not feel any apology should be needed. Overnight DP said I was nasty to her Confused I had also asked her not to stretch my old baby blanket as it means a lot to me.

Today I'm told I clearly resent DSD and find her to be an inconvenience Confused that's not the case at all! She is lovely, although she has high expectations of me, but they will lower in time!

Recently DSD was invited to an event by her maternal family, DP and I were also invited. While it was nicer

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Original poster
FeelTheNoise · 06/09/2014 16:14

Ah posted too soon!

OP posts:
gamerchick · 06/09/2014 16:17

Don't move in with him.

Original poster
FeelTheNoise · 06/09/2014 16:20

While it was nice to be asked, we already had plans for that day, and I said I would stick with my plans. DP also wanted to stick to our plans. This meant DSD couldn't go as she would need supervision with her family. So all weekend was spent getting grief from DSD and DPs parents. In truth her family are really intimidating, so I would not put myself in that position willingly.

With my own DC I make plans of my own too, and fit plenty in around my plans (plans include work and studies!), so I'm trying to treat DSD equally, no red carpet treatment! I do this so that her expectations will not be sky high when (if) we find a house. I don't want my own DC to feel resentful.

OP posts:
Ragwort · 06/09/2014 16:20

Don't even think about getting a house together if you already have issues like this - have you looked on the step parenting threads?

If you want to carry on seeing this man (and perhaps you ought to ask yourself why? Sounds like he is looking for a new mother for his children) just continue dating rather than living together. It will end in tears.

Original poster
FeelTheNoise · 06/09/2014 16:23

The threads in this topic resonate strongly with me. They are chock full of people being hugely sidelined, compromised and at times, abused, just because they got together with another parent. I HATE being in my 30s!!

OP posts:
Original poster
FeelTheNoise · 06/09/2014 16:26

The logic behind the move was so that we could parent our combined DC without interference, stop being pulled in so many directions etc.
But this is the first time DP has accused me in this way. I suspect his parents believe I don't give DSD a second thought, but I think of her wellbeing constantly.

OP posts:
Tutt · 06/09/2014 16:29

You are not a babysitter! You aren't taking your own DC so why the hell does he think you should take his??
If you want to stay together you really need to talk about boundaries and this is one he has over stepped.
Don't feel guilty at all or overcompensate, you are allowed and entitled time to see a friend alone regardless of if the child was your own or a step.

Original poster
FeelTheNoise · 06/09/2014 17:13

It's more that she should be central in every way, but she can't be because there are other, equally important DC. Her expectations are really high, and DP didn't cope well with her mild disappointment Hmm

OP posts:
Mrsgrumble · 06/09/2014 17:16

Op, I think this is your opportunity to as yourself from a lot of mess and upset. You are your own person with your own life.

Walk away. You can get someone who suits and deserves you more, no way would I move in together. No way.

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 06/09/2014 17:24

Just because you're a parent doesn't mean you have to be tethered to your kids 24/7 it's bad enough when they're babies and it definitely feels like it!

You deserve time to yourself, which I'm sure you don't get much of, I'd tell him to wind his neck in!

Kaluki · 06/09/2014 21:15

How you handle this situation will determine your future.
Start as you mean to go on. Tell DP that although you will is your best with his dd she isn't yours and entertaining her 24/7 is not your responsibility.
You are entitled to see your friends and have child free time and he needs to deal with it or do one!!
However if you back down and give in to his emotional blackmail then be prepared for a lifetime if it until you are downtrodden by him and his dd and their demands.

StercusAccidit · 07/09/2014 01:06

What Kaluki said...

Only1scoop · 07/09/2014 01:10

Sounds really nauseous ....

Agree Kaluki

DioneTheDiabolist · 07/09/2014 01:17

Do not move in with this man OP.

You have every right to plan your weekend. He has no right to demand that you do what he wants. And for him to use his DC to guilt trip you when you don't concede is disgusting and selfish.

Original poster
FeelTheNoise · 07/09/2014 11:25

Oh I don't back down, ever Wink

OP posts:
shey03 · 08/09/2014 09:41

Sounds worrying. Sounds like this child is on a pedestal and that their happiness is more important than anyone elses which is crazy. In a family each persons happiness is equally important and this kind of imbalance needs addressing quickly or it may destroy your relationship and sanity.

Original poster
FeelTheNoise · 08/09/2014 10:39

Shey you have hit the nail on the head. She is on a pedestal, and her happiness is paramount. What she wants will over ride others needs unless I'm being vigilant and ensuring that others needs are being met too Confused

OP posts:
LatteLoverLovesLattes · 08/09/2014 10:55

OMG - Run. Do NOT move in with them, your life will be hell. He is showing you who he is & where you fit into his life. You would have to be absolutely stark raving bonkers to move in with them.

alwaystryingtobeafriend · 09/09/2014 06:47

Dp told me this weekend he didnt think i liked his kids and that he feels they are an in inconvenience to me. We have been together 3 yrs lived together 8 months.

Truth is sometimes they are. I have no kids and feel i have to make plans to suit dp and kids all the time. We had a big chat and i told him i do like them but im not their parent and i dont have the same feelings for them as he does. He then backed off and agreed with me!!Shock weare getting on better. He knows my feelings.

I dont think you have done anything wrong and are within your rights to not take dsd with you especially if your own dc isnt going.

Maybe you guys need to sit down and discuss whats acceptable expectations before you move in. Xx

Eliza22 · 10/09/2014 08:40

Don't move in. Walk. End of. You really, really do not need this. Take the advice of one who knows.

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