Who is having the DCs at Christmas and NY?

[ArrivedAtPanicStation]

And how do you make it fair?

My DH has never been 'allowed' to have his DSD at Christmas since they split up.

When I first met him I thought it was really unfair and after seeing him so sad about it I encouraged him to request alternate years but he never did.

About a year ago I suggested he raise the subject months early so everyone knew in advance and his ex would have time to get used to the idea. In the end he didn't want to get into a big row with ex and said something to me along the lines of 'it's just one day and we have a lovely second Christmas with DSD on Boxing Day'.

I gave up at this point - it's not my fight. I think his ex is odd for not offering and if he's not prepared to speak up then there's nothing more I can/should do.

I did tell DSD last Boxing Day that she is always welcome to be with us on Christmas Day - I think it's important for her to know she has that option and that her Dad is not opting out of seeing her.

OH never has DSS on Christmas morning, he picks him up that evening. I'm not sure how or if things will change as we have our own family.

Alternate years. They have christmas with one parent and new year with the other. They spend the entire day so no need for changeover on Christmas day and families free to go to extended family etc. Works well. Children happy. Everyone knows where they are.

I've no idea what we're going to do. He usually popped over for a few hours. But now his ExW has a new husband and babies, my family are in a different county and Christmas is huge for my family. There's no way I'm not spending Christmas and Boxing Day with my family. It'll probably mean I won't see DSD over Christmas, but DP will do. There's a lot of family involved. I get two days off for Christmas and I plan on seeing my family. Oh I don't know

DP and his ex are both flexible over Xmas. Traditionally DP has DSS up until and including morning of 25th, because he and his family celebrate on evening of 24th anyway (common in France).

Then we drop DSS at his mum's on the morning of 25th, have a drink with them, and leave DSS to celebrate a second Xmas there.

I am the spanner in the works as my family are all in the UK, so it is hard to see them unless they come here, or I leave DP and DSS here and go to UK on my own, or we attempt to do a cross channel flit on the 25th, or we celebrate Xmas on a different day. All solutions are pretty unsatisfactory to be honest, compounded by the fact its hard for me to get much time off work.

DP's ex is so nice she probably wouldn't mind us having DSS for the whole Xmas period, but I feel he'd be disappointed not to see both parents at this special time.

I feel for people who have no chance of seeing their children/stepchildren at all ever over Xmas.

Apparently DH and his ex do alternate years but the 7 years we have spent together we have had him from the start of the school hols till the end even before we had him 24/7.
The ex has him for an hour or so, it's shit as we never get to go out at New Year.

MeridianB I could have wrote your post. We never have DSD. Normally have her for a few days before Xmas then for new year but for some reason DPs ex is saying just New year now.

We never have DSS at ours on Xmas morning...we could if we chose to, but he's got younger siblings he wants to share Xmas with, and we have no DCs of his own. He has his christmas traditions that are established and I think us having him would be for our benefit rather than his. We've chatted about it, and his face was a picture!

Having said that, we go round Xmas day morning to watch him open his presents. We tend to go in with his mum for his presents; she has three younger children, and the father of them has buggered off to another country and doesn't pay a penny towards them - in that situation, it would seem unfair that DSS gets double the amount of presents. So all his presents come from mum, dad and clash. He then gets a present from his mum only, and one from me and DH only, as do the littlies, sounds complicated but it works for us!

He comes to us Boxing Day - when tend to have a party with wider family, which he really enjoys.

It makes me sad that some NRPs are excluded from spending time with their kids over christmas.

Oh, we have him new year every year - occasionally have ex p too!

DSS alternates. We never laid that down in stone but it just sort of worked out that way. We all have an amicable relationship though which makes a difference.

He personally doesn't like too much traveling and has said he prefers to stay at each house in larger blocks of time, so I don't think he'd like having to go between both houses on Xmas itself. Maybe he wouldn't have minded when he was little.

I'm glad he'll be with us this year though because it will be his half brother's first Christmas.

if dsc's Dm had her way dp would never see his kids at Christmas. luckily the mediators that over saw their divorce negotiations were very fair amd very firm with his exw that she was being selfish and just because she was their Dm did not give her a god given right to have Christmas with them every year. it is now agreed that we have them alternative years so last year they were with their Dm and this year they come to us on Xmas eve and are with us until the following Monday as it's our weekend then they are with Dm til new years eve and then with us to see in the new year and then back to their mum.

This year we have the kids (we alternate each year). We will pick them up on 24 and drop back to mum on 26. Can tell you how excited I am, this will be the first Christmas with all the children together (our ds is 1)

we have all the dcs this year as we swap each year, whoever doesn't have them Christmas eve picks them up Christmas day night. it seems to work well so far although they are getting older it's a really short distance so they don't mind the travel

They are teenagers now but their mum has always had them Christmas Eve and morning then come to us to either go to gps for lunch or to ours if we are hosting for husband's brother and family and gp. And kid's mum comes too. She doesn't have family near by so it makes sense we all spend Christmas together. In the early years she went to friends or, I think one year stayed on her own. Much nicer having everyone together!

I have no idea this year! DSS is 15 and has never spent christmas at his mom's house - my DH has full custody and she has very little contact with him. However, last week she contacted DH and said she wants DSS to spend christmas with her and her family this year (she has a new baby). DSS isn't very keen but his mom really wants him to so not sure what is going to happen tbh!!

Our idea at the minuet is for mom to have him form when schools break up to christmas eve and then he flies home christmas eve to be here for christmas day, but his mom is keen on him being there for christmas day. It makes it difficult that there is a 12 hour flight between us or it would be far easier.

ExW has DSD every Christmas, isnt that the norm

Me and ex alternate New Year's Eve.

I have Christmas morning. He has the afternoon, because he has family and I don't, so I get him for presents off Santa and his dad gets him for the family meal

WinterLover. I wish It was the norm. I would love to have DS all of Christmas and not be on my own, but it wouldn't be fair for DS to miss his family celebrations with his dads family, so he goes just after lunch for their presents and Christmas dinner.

ExW has the kids on Christmas, we have them every NYE. It's been like that for 8 years now, but the kids are getting old enough to stay up and celebrate with us.

We're lucky to get boxing day. Its usually just our normal contact DSD will miss her new siblings first Christmas, she missed DC1s first Christmas too. Shes almost 9 years old.

We don't have them on Christmas morning, DH has always said that considering their mum does all the school runs and general weekday stuff, then he is happy to let her have that and not question it. For the past couple of years they have asked to come to us later on xmas day, mainly to get their presents I think! This year, we're not sure what's happening, but next year will be our unborn child's first Christmas and his ex has already said she thinks the DSC will want to be with us for the day. Progress :)

xH never has DC for more than an hour or so and christmas is no exception: he comes to us to do a gift exchange with them on Christmas morning and then leaves.
DH and his ex cut the holiday right down the middle and alternate each year so this year we have his DC for the front half of the holidays incl Christmas and next year it'll be the second half incl New Year.