I asked DP to do one bloody thing!!!!!

[Homepride1]

The baby is due any day now and this weekend dp son is due to stay fri-sun, I mentioned to him months ago that he would have to sort out arrangements for his ds incase I go into labour over one of these weekends!

I have sorted out my own children and thankfully their dad is willing to take them away any given time but will not have DP son, which is understandable!

I mentioned to him Sunday that he needed to get arrangements I'm place for this weekend and so far he hasn't so I reminded him again today and got a mouthful about how I don't need to go on about it and that it doesn't matter he will sort something out if and when it happens, and him slamming phone down on me!

His son lives 50 mins drove away from me, and at least hour and a half away from DP nearest relative!

I have told DP if he does not sort it out and I go into labour then I will be getting a friend to drive me to hospital and he can sort out getting is son home and then meeting us at the hospital (2 hour round trip) and in all likely hood he will miss the birth as I all my births have been under a hour!

I'm just cross he has always been aware of this yet at this stage he has done nothing to sort it out and to be 100% honest I don't think he will even bother sorting! And I honestly don't think it's my responsibility to have to try and put something on place at this stage of my pregnancy, when I go into labour I don't want to be faffing about trying to arrange emergency childcare!

He acts like a bloody child and is refusing to answer any call...... I could bloody scream

I think you're going to have to try to forget about what he has or hasn't arranged, you don't need the additional stress. Just concentrate on yourself for the sake of you and your baby.

Have other plans in place for transport and company at the birth. It doesn't sound like he's bothered whether he's there or not.

Is he always so thoughtless, unreliable and disrespectful?

The babu may be due but they are often late. I'd stop stressing and leave it to him to sort.

I agree that it's not for you to sort arrangements for your DSS.

Assuming DSS comes EOW then the baby is still more likely to come when he isn't with you than when he is.

Good that you have a friend who can support you if your DP is unavailable for whatever reason (work, caring for DSS, delayed in traffic, anything really - given your very quick labours, a delay of even minutes could be critical!)

Actually, given your very quick labours, perhaps there aren't many arrangements that your DP could make that would still allow him to attend the birth. What plans would you have put in place if your DSS was actually your and DP's DS (i.e. so that neither your X nor your DPX were a realistic source of childcare for him)? Have you considered:

• a home birth? I too have very quick labours and I was told that a home birth was my most viable option.

• could the friend who would drive you into hospital instead look after DSS so that DP could go with you? That would give enough time for your DSS's mum or your PILs to arrive to take over his care.

I hope it all goes well.

What plans would you have put in place if your DSS was actually your and DP's DS (i.e. so that neither your X nor your DPX were a realistic source of childcare for him)?

This has come up a lot recently, and it always strikes me as naive, or at least, unaware of the dynamics of many families in which there are NR children.

If a child is full time resident, then parents can ensure the children are familiar with neighbours, family friends and other "emergency" care options for just this scenario.

However, if the DC is non-resident, that becomes a much greater challenge - The opportunities for parents to socialise with friends while including the NR child are far less, so adult friends, neighbours and even distant relatives are unfamiliar to the NRChild. Once a pregnancy is confirmed, it may be possible to introduce the NRChild to a particular friend, but that requires the "friend" to be available regularly throughout the pregnancy on the same days as contact so that the child can get to know them. It's a big ask of a friend to not only be on standby for labour, but also set aside time to get to know a child whose availability is very limited.

Add to that an implied or agreed "right of first refusal" with the child's other parent and that often precludes the child being placed in a the care of someone else overnight or for long periods.

I think it's unfair to present the practical arrangements for blended families in this situation as no more complex than in nuclear families - it requires the cooperation and agreement of two households, not just one.

Yes, all very fair points regarding why it's significantly harder to ask friends to look after a step-child.

The reason I asked was that I too have very fast labours and no family support (both parents and PIL live hours away with no possibility they could get to me in time even if they dropped everything at the first twinge ).

By Murphy's Law we had to move house just 7 days before DS2's birth so we had literally no friends in our new area we could call on either.

So I do have every sympathy with your comments about situations where you can't rely on friends because I've been there (albeit for different reasons).

That's the sole reason we opted for home births - we just couldn't find any other solution.

The other thing is that I think it's different (for both the friend and the child) asking a friend to look after a child for a couple of hours until a parent or grandparent can arrive to take over care for the child, and asking the same friend to look after the child for the entirety of labour, delivery and recovery. Unless the child is very young or very shy, I would think most would cope with being looked after by a friend for a couple of hours, in their own home environment a and with treats such as DVDs or computer games on offer.

Due to his sons SN it's not possible for my friend (who will take me to hospital/come to the house to assist labour if need be) to stay and look after him so DP can take me to hospital, nor would his mum allow anyone else to look after him!

I totally understand that the chances are his son won't even be here when I'm in labour but it could in effect happen any time now, I have arrangements on standby for my children, including emergency backup for a school activity two day trip which requires parents to drop/collect in the next village just in case I end up in labour and still in hospital!

I don't know what the solution is here but I just don't feel that it's my responsibility to try and make the arrangements! All the signs are there that labour could start any time, lost plug, lots of braxon hicks, baby fully engaged yesterday at midwife (I understand they move after first pregnancy) lower back pain etc.

DP insists he wants to be there at the labour and doesn't want to miss it for the world yet he has had 8 months to get one thing sorted and still upto this morning has not done a thing about it, he is due to collect his son from school at 3pm today!

I have just given up on it! I'm not stressing if it happens this weekend then I will be calling my friend and he will have to sort himself out and meet at the hospital after and if he misses it then that's his tough luck!

Well exactly!

As long as you're happy with the arrangements for you, including having the support you want while in labour, then DP can look out for himself. It would be sad if he missed the birth of his child, but as you say the fact that the baby is coming isn't exactly a shock.