is 10 years ild to young for the pree teen behaviour?

[alwaystryingtobeafriend]

My dad is 10 and recently she has been a serious wee Madam.

I am putting it down to being per teen and hormones but it does Sen a bit young for this.

She used to sit with me and dp tell us about her day/school/ friends etc now she comes in gets her iPod and straight to her room. When she does speak it's spouting attitude or cheek.

It's really affecting dp because they used to be close and now they are not and her attitude is making him reluctant to try.

He has a son too who is younger and dp is spending lots of time with him (I feel he is leaving dsd out - so does she probably) but this goes back to their mum and his family saying he favours his dd over his ds so he is trying to compensate and I think it's back firing.

I have suggested that when his ds is at football training he should do stuff with dd but it's limited to what they can do as there is not much around where football is.

Could her attitude be pre teen and hormones?

Yes it can!! Dsd is 11 now since 10 she has been a different child. Ride, selfish and doesn't talk/ interact with anyone like she did..

Partly it's that her mum doesn't pull her up on it at all but the other weekend she didn't speak to OH at all even to say goodbye except when spoken too it's not much fun .

He ends to stop being influenced by what his ex or wider family say about his parenting. The important relationships are those he has with his children so he needs to concentrate on making them feel equally important and loved.

All behaviour is communications so what is your DSD trying, even unconsciously, to communicate by this withdrawal?

Is the ipad just too much of a lure? What is she doing on it anyway? I hope this isn't unsupervised social networking.

Maybe a new rule that ipad time is spent downstairs and is limited might help?

Thanks. I'm just worried there is something bothering her and I can't talk to her as it goes to her mum and it causes arguements. I need dp to find out if she is ok.

She uses her iPod for Facebook( which I dint think she should have) and to make videos on video star and she watches some videos on you tube and facetimes her friends.

I'm hoping it's just hormones but ymtrying to get dp to speak to her is like pulling teeth. He doesn't know what to say or what to do as anytime he speaks to her she just gives him cheek.

If it helps, I think some girls definitely begin their "teenageness" at around 10. My nieces did...whether it is true 'puberty' and hormonally based or not, they might well be having some of the emotional changes and almost certainly they could be experiencing the social changes. Girls at 10 are already in some cases 'acting like' teenagers, and they'll be seeing and imitating a lot of behaviours from their peer group and the media, too. My nieces at 10 were more like what I would have expected from 13 year olds, honestly. Complete with the pouts and cheekiness.

I personally see a lot of problems with too much screen time, and I would intervene if it is getting in the way of family interaction or her other responsibilities (chores or schoolwork - I hope she does have some chores?).

It is also possible that she is reacting to not being the openly favoured child anymore, based on what you say. That's tricky, but your DP could make an effort to include her in more balanced ways - not favouring her any more, but not letting her drift apart either. Do you guys have any 'enforced' family time together? Board game night, that kind of thing? We did when the DSC were preteens, and it was very good.

A few years ago DH and I read a book called "Hold on to Your Kids", by a Canadian but the observations about peer culture are just as relevant to the UK really. It's a bit repetitive but might be helpful, has some common-sense type advice about how to avoid that pre-teen distance between kids and parents, and deal with the cheeky stuff.

Most likely the something bothering her is being 10.

IME 9/10yo can be worse than teens. They have out grown toys, but they are too young for much proper independence. They don't want to be told what to do all the time, but don't know how to negotiate a compromise.

They are cheeky and emotional, I used to storm off on my bike, DD2 to her room. Like toddlers they wind themselves up until theres no point in talking to them.

The answer, firm no nonsense boundries when the world can't revolve around them and time, love and as much freedom and feeling they have a choice in family activities as possible the rest of the time.

I'm not a stepmum but have a 10.9 year old dd2 and it's hormone central round here right now. Stamping up stairs, ignoring me, endless fading with the hair etc .... Dd1 was the same.

Thanks everyone it's just tough just now.

Dsd is on iPod more than I personally like her to be. we tried the she chores thing for pocket money and she lost interest after about a week. I just ask them to keep their room tidy so I can swing a duster and Hoover round and not need to move anything.

I think getting dp to do anything is key. Its all fine and well me doing stuff with her but I know that sometimes you just want your dad to notice you and do something with you.

Will speak to dp tonight hopefully and try to make him see that he needs to treat them both the same. And spend time with dd on her own. dss us at footy twice a week for training. I reckon he should take dd to the park or for a walk or even go for a hot chocolate now and again. Just something do they can interact and build their bond again . Xx

You might want to talk to your DP about supervising her internet access too. 10 is very young to have unsupervised access to Facebook and YouTube. The conversations she is having and what sheiks watching could be very inappropriate.

I think you're 100% right time spent with ber Dad doing simple things is just what she needs.

DH tended to vanish to his study if DD2 was being awkward. It took efort to get him to interact with her, but it's incredibly worth it. She did notice.

There special time became sharing Garfield and Calvin and Hobbs book, with the odd Asterix thrown in. They'd sit on her double bed last thing at night and take a character each and be giggly and silly and comfortable in each others company.

My 10 year old has definately got the teenage hormones and attitude. All she wants to do is play the computer ie minecraft, the sims, msp.

I think what your dsd is doing is normal behaviour. I do also think that it would be a good idea if your dh spent one on one time with her.