How do you manage age gaps between siblings?

[TractorTam]

I have two DSC aged 7 and 9, a 6 yr old and a 2 yr old, as well as being pregnant. When we have DSC and go for days out it is inevitable that DH takes the older DC off and I'm generally left with the 2 yr old, and soon the baby too. I don't necessarily mind this, as obviously the age gap means they have differing interests/ability to go on rides/do activities etc.

However, I don't like travelling long distances for a day trip because our toddler doesn't like travelling one bit. She can be distracted for about 45 minutes maximum then screams and cries. I spend all journeys occupying her and its no fun at all. She then will fall asleep on the way back, which means a late night for DD and I and me subsequently having a tired toddler to deal with the following day.

DH wants to take the DC to Alton Towers this week, which is two hours from us. We went in June but camped overnight before and after and I know from then that the queues are long and DD wasn't really fussed about any of it. I said to DH that because of DD not liking travelling, because there was over an hour queue just to leave the car park last time meaning she'd sleep from 6.30-8.30ish then be woken by the other DC and be up ridiculously late and because DD and I wouldn't see him and the other DC all day, that we may as well just stay home. He says he won't go if we don't but I really don't see the point - it's a lot of hassle for DD and I and realistically makes no difference to everyone if we're not there.

Am I being unfair by opting out of days like this? How do you manage age gaps between DC?

Mine are 10, 8 and 3. We don't do Alton Towers all together. I either leave the youngest with my parents or DH and I split up, meet for lunch then meet to go home.

Is it possible that there's something closer that you could all go to on another day and plant that seed, so that its not you don't want to all do things together its just this trip would be better without you/ the youngest.

His argument is that there is enough there for DD to do. However, the queues will be horrendous and she isn't that fussed about rides so I'd be occupying and distracting her all day for the sake of things she doesn't even particularly want to do.

So could you agree to go on the condition he does things with DD and you entertain the older ones all day?

He also says I travelled there for my DD so should for DSC. However, we camped before and after then which isn't an option as DSC won't camp and DD is happy to go on little rides and parks with her sister so she isn't left out whereas DSC aren't happy to do that.

Do all the children swim? Could an aqua park type place be an option that would work well with the age range?

Ha, no chance of that whatsoever M. Sadly she won't go near him when DSC are here because she's seen that he's busy with them so she sticks to me. I said to him that I will drive so he can experience how stressful it is keeping her happy/distributing food, drinks, colouring etc to the other DC but he doesn't like being a passenger

No, only DD can swim, DSC can't.

They seem to appear all the time need! I would travel if we could camp before and after to make it easier on DD, but we can't. I don't think it's fair for DD and I to constantly make sacrifices supposedly for DSC when actually it makes no difference to them if we're there or not.

I'll second the bonkers bit but I also think its quite sweet, if misguided, that he wants you to be one family on a special day.

Is there anything else you could come up with as a list of alternative days out, or future together days out, that are within a 45min drive that you could all do together?

Sites like days out with the kids have lists of activities by location.

What about a farm park/ zoo/ safari park?

When the baby comes it'd be nice if the older ones along with your DP are able to help out keeping a lively toddler amused and giving you and the baby time also if your DP does the pram bit too so you get to play sometimes.

Its good to do some activities apart, like Alton Towers, but if you can find some compromise ones you can all do together all the better for the longer term.

Good luck.

I agree Maryz, but he thinks the place we go always hasto be the same even if we split when there. So he'll get to sit and watch a film at the cinema with the older DC while I run DD out to the toilet/keep her interested inthe film/soon bbreastfeed and change baby too. If we go swimming and DD gets cold, it's me who has to get out. I understand that he doesn't see DSC as much as he would like but I feel like I don't get to see my older DD much either as she's always with them and I'm always with our 2 yr old. The older DC have pretty much given up asking me to have a turn at doing things with them because they, like DH, seem to think I'm the only one capable of looking after DD

He won't, he refused on the driving let alone anything else. I wouldn't mind so much if it was just a case of him.having DSC and me having the little ones but as my older DD would obviously rather be with similarly aged siblings when possible, it means I barely see her all the days DSC are here. Then DH is working the vast majority of the time that DSC aren't here so actually in two years since younger DD was born I've only had two partial days alone with my eldest without toddler yet he gets that time with older DD and his DSC regularly. It doesn't feel fair.

Even when DSC leave, naturally DD is then used to me for everything and rejects him meaning I still don't get time with older DD and am left doing all the hard work of toddler, and soon baby by myself while he twiddles his thumbs.