Any full time step mums!?

[sg2015]

Hi there, new here! Just wondered if there are any full time step mums here too? I live with my oh and his son who is 9 and our 2 children 4 and 2. I've lived with my oh for the past 7 years and his son has had no contact with his birth mum since practically birth! I've known him since he was 2 and as he's getting older he is getting harder and harder to deal with with a possibility of him having ADHD! Just seeing if there's anyone in the same boat as me :)

Hi! Yes i am FT SM, but to 2 late teens. Just to caution you, I get ripped regularly on this board by certain posters, so be careful as to what you say about your experiences. Support on this board is a myth.

There are some lovely posters, who I am in contact with outside of this board, but some can be rather heinous.

Good luck. I do not have personal experience of ADHD, so can not comment on that, but well done you for coming on here x

Hi OP.

There is a very supportive special needs section here where you will find a wealth of knowledge and support.

In regards to you DSS what kind of behaviour is proving difficult at the moment?
Could it be normal pattern of behaviour for an 11 yo?
My DS is 11 and seems to have had a shift in his behaviour/personality. He is quite moody and sullen at times also not as helpful as he once was. However I put this down to age as both his big brothers ( step brothers) were the same.

Hi sg - my sister is FT stepmum to her DD who has been diagnosed with Asperger's and dyspraxia (actually the dyspraxia diagnosis came first) but this was done through the school.

I also recommend you head over to the SN boards - as you will get more focused responses there.

Have the school flagged your DSS as possibly having ADHD or is that something you suspect yourselves?

Welcome to the board sg

Not a full time SM, but we have DSS(9) around half the time. I've also been around since he was two.

There's a lot of people around who have dealt with or are dealing with children with ADHD. I second (third, fourth) posting on the SN boards, as there is wealth of experience on there that may help your family get the right support in place, particularly where the schools concerned.

I'm going to put aside the ADHD for the moment, not because I'm dismissing it as a reason for the behaviour, purely because I don't know enough about it to advise, but just to come at it from a slightly different angle.

Is this change in behaviour a recent thing? Have there been any big changes that have happened within the family recently? Any particular triggers for the behaviour?

Early onset of puberty?

With a nine year old with possible ADHD, a four year old and two year old life must be quite hectic, make sure you get some time to yourself. Does DSS get some one-on-one time with DH and yourself? How is his behaviour then?

Thanks for the replies everyone :) I don't take things to heart so any nasty people can do one :) hehe!
I think half the time it's boredom on his part. With his problems he has found it very difficult to make any friends and when he has after a while he will ruin it. We moved him to a different school last year and it was the best decision we made, they have done so much for him and we are in talks with our local special needs doctors to work out a diagnosis for him! I just struggle with my feelings towards my own children as to how they are towards him. I love him dearly and we clash a lot, maybe because we are both so stubborn! However I do find myself being quite childish dealing with his behaviour! Something it's quite hard to snap out of! Anyone else find themselves doing the same? I suppose as he's getting older he will enter puberty (argh!) and at the moment he is defiant with pretty much everything I ask him to do and everything has a silly answer or an argument to end a simple task! Nothing I probably wouldn't moan about with my own kids in a few years to come :)

Morning sg

Not sure if you know (cos your new) but on my post where the word here is a different colour if you click on it, it will take you to the special needs boards. Brilliant and supportive place with lots of advice.

I had a similar relationship with my son. We seemed to clash more than we gelled and I find it wore me down and instead of him acting more mature I found myself acting like an 9 yo

I remove myself from the situation when it starts to get daft. I say 'I will speak to you when you can act appropriately'. It stopped me getting in to the whole silly argument stage where there is no end result.

I also started to spend some quality time with him. He was becoming such a PITA I couldn't see what a good boy he could be.
We go out once a week, just us for lunch/cinema/bowling/supermarket (he seems to like helping me do the shopping as the others are too little). It just kind of gets us away from the house and we chat. It doesn't solve it completely but it does mean I handle his behaviour better because he is not mature enough but I should be.

These boards like any on MN have their fair share of 'ahem' strong opinions shall we say but on the whole they are a supportive and balanced place for advice

Thanks flossy :)
Im terrible with petty arguments, i know I need to just walk away but its hard especially when he knows exactly what to say/do to get a reaction! your right, I do need to spend more time with him one on one, to see more of the positives in him. It doesnt half drag you down when you feel like your constantly being negative especially with him possibly (more than likely) having ADHD. Im sure it will get easier :)

Hey I'm a full time step mum to my dsd who is 10, but she has developmental delay so her mental age is more like 6, she has autism as well so I know how it Is to have a step child with additional needs.

We have a great relationship but of course it's hard sometimes. We work as though we're both her parents as we're all happy with this and it works best for us, we're now expecting our first together :)

feel free to pm me if you like :)

Hi there, sg.
I am FT step-mum, but to older kids; they were already pre-teens when we met. :)