Holiday survival tips needed please...

[syllabub1]

DSC (7&9) arrived at ours last night, they are staying with us for a week whilst their Mum goes on holiday with her boyfriend (apparently going on holiday without your kids is normal these days?!!!)

Well I don't think they'd even been in the house for 5 mins before the fighting and tears and tantrums began! I also have a DS (5) from a previous relationship and DH and I have a DD(nearly 2) together.
It often feels like our normally happy family is turned miserable once DSC walk in, even DH just seems so unhappy and grumpy whilst they're staying with us. I think I could be more patient and tolerant of the situation if he was happy, he says he is, but he certainly doesn't act it!

We have tried different things and in the past we put a lot of their behaviour down to them not being settled at our old house, it was my house before I met DH and it was way too small for us all, so I think they never really settled and there was big rivalry between them and DS, like a fight for the pecking order. We really hoped that moving house and them having their own permanent beds and being able to make their space their own would help to settle them and hoped that things might improve. But it hasn't. Not one tiny bit.
We try going for days out but it usually ends up with me wondering why we bloody bothered.
They are lovely children, I love all our children, especially when I get them 1-1 but when they are all together it's just a nightmare. DD (nearly 2) cries whenever 9yo DSD tries to cuddle DH, DSD and DSS seem to bully DS, DSD cries every 5 minutes pretending that she's ill or injured, DSS throws tantrums like a 2 year old, DS gets angry and upset because he's getting left out of games and picked on.
They're never happy with what we do, where we go, what we feed them etc etc....sometimes I could just scream! But I don't. I grit my teeth and smile.
I know it's mostly normal kid behaviour but I'd say it's on a bigger scale than in most families.
DH used to be a bit of a Disney Dad, he didn't want to spend the little time he gets with them telling them off but he's got much much better over the past year or so.

Anyway, we're going camping next week and part of me is really really hopeful that they will all get on great (or just OK would do), as we're not in our own home I'm hoping that fight for the pecking order won't be so bad. There will be a big playground, animals and a beach to keep them entertained..hopefully they'll love it.
But another part of me is really dreading it. Nearly a week in a tent, possibly with it raining, with 4 kids scrapping and moaning (they moan a lot) could be hell.

I can't even just get pissed as I'm trying to lose weight

I'm just so bloody knackered, I'm a full time Mummy and also work evenings and weekends. I just want a nice relaxing break. Please somebody tell me that everything will be OK and they'll all love camping and they'll all be best of friends?

Any hints and tips to help them get on would be great too.

It all seems pretty chaotic. Wear them out, or play some games adults against kids so that they're forced to work as a team. Do something physically challenging to tire them and help you burn calories.

Then have a drink as you'll have earned it!x

I agree with the wearing them out.
I Have twin 8yo DSS and recently had them for a week while mum went on a holiday so we went on a holiday at the same time.
DP was also a former Disney Dad for the same reasons but has really turned things around in the past two years, but DSS's still haven't come around to DP being a responsible parent. They use the same methods you are describing to get their Disney dad back - which lead to a holiday from hell full of self indulgent behaviours. It's hard to get them to accept the change and can't expect them to just switch on to a new parenting style, when their so used to getting what they want.
I found wearing them out helped in terms of just being so busy they couldn't go as crazy - mind you overtired kids were nearly just as fun to deal with.
We also had to develop a written roster for 1 on 1 time with my DP. This even had to include whose turn it was to hold DP's hand when we walked through busy areas.

Good luck!

i also reommend wearing them out - however their behaviour however annoying sounds like typical sibling rivalry to be honest. A lot of the things you describe are exactly how my Dsis and I were growing up and we are bio sisters!

Take them to the park, ride bikes, run about etc or as someone else said adults v kids or boys v girls games to encourage them working together.

Hope it goes well for you!

Thank you.

Redshoes you are exactly right, that's exactly how DSC are - they can't accept their Dad's new parenting style and try everything to try and get their Disney Dad back.
Usually when their tricks don't work they resort to "well fine I'll go and stay at my Grandmas then!" Because she lets them stay up as late as they want, has a fridge full of treats, more toys than Toys R Us and they get all her attention and she lets them do whatever they want.
But whilst we're away they won't be able to pull the Grandma card out.

I think in their eyes it's all down to me that DH has changed. I suppose in a way it is but DH has come to realise himself that treating them differently wasn't working and it wasn't fair on anybody.
That's the thing that frustrates me the most-that they expect us to change the way that we as a family live and do things to suit them. And I don't think that's a good message to send to anybody. They are part of our family, not guests coming to stay, so why should our house rules and what we do and what we eat change?

I am hopeful that they will eventually accept their dad's new parenting style, that he has a new wife and new family and that we do things differently than he used to do them when he was single.

My parents split when I was 3 and my dad remarried and had more children, and I seemed to just accept that at my dad's house they did some things differently, I don't remember all this resistance. However I was never close to my dad, I probably never had a tantrum with him cos I knew he wasn't bothered about me enough to respond.

Oh and yes I think you're right about tiring them out and games.
The most fun we have ever had is when I did a little Hallween party for them last year and I made up loads of games for them to play. DSD had such a good time she cried, cried with joy! (She's quite an emotional child lol)

I've always thought 'well I can't go throwing parties every week to keep them happy' but thinking about it now it was the games not the party that kept them entertained.
There wasn't a single argument that night

Oh syllabub, I'm relating so much to your situation. I'm so sick of the 'if we can't have that milkshake, we're not coming over anymore' or 'you'd buy that for me if you really loved me'.
And both DSS definitely blame me for all the changes, I'm the horrible one making dad give the time out if they are naughty - but I also had DP's ex encouraging that point if view.

It's so nice that I'm not the only one.

No advice but I am waving my magic wand to grant you calorie free alcohol for the duration of the trip

I went on holiday with my dp and never brought his kids. I don't have children so why should my holidays start involving them? (Might add this was at the start of our relationship and kids won't come abroad with us anyway because their mums not there) just curious why you think this isn't normal behaviour or why this is a problem?

We do however try to take kids away for a few days during the holidays and this year was a disaster. But kids had fun for most of it I think. Except the 'telling on us' incidents when we got back.

My view though is to packplenty clothes. Even if it's rajnibg go out and play it's not all that cold and you can dry off and change once your in for the night. Clothes and skin dries. And it's amazing the fun you can have in the rain when everyone else is inside. Walks on the beach. Crazy golf etc or take board games for all ages something for everyone set up tournaments with droughts and chess or card games. Get then to work in teams for stuff but mix the team's so they learn to work together and there isn't the divide.

When we were wee we loved games like trivial persuit and picttionary. Great team games. I also remember a 12 hour game of uno (my goodness rainy days at a caravan were fun)

I think it's really amazing how well a holiday can bring families together. Some of my best memories with my sister's were from our caravan holidays. Xxx

Ps if you find lo cal wine that's tastes good let us know!! Xx

I find the change in dynamics unsettled all the children for a few days. Hope it settles down soon and you have a lovely time camping.

yeah, exhaust them. They will probably wake up early first day in the tent and be really really knackered that evening! The beach with bucket and spade should work a treat.

Pictionary's great for kids, maybe not as young as 2 though. We play a lot of card games camping so ask the DSC if they know any?

Board games are not old fashioned, get a simple one without too many rules like Monopoly, the quiz ones don't work so well with tired kids.

Have a supply of chocolate and sweets for when their blood sugar drops but you need them to hold in for a little while before food/bed.

And take some 'quiet time' stuff - books, talking or otherwise, drawing materials, just stuff they can go away and do by themselves.

And rope them into all the camping routine - fetching water, taking the dishes for washing up (and doing it), rubbish trips, send them off as a group for tooth brushing without you.

Give them some freedom round the campsite, just send them to go and play, let them go to the shop by themselves for an ice cream etc. You'll be amazed at how independent of you they will become and bonded as a group.

I hope....

I find the change in dynamics unsettled all the children for a few days. Hope it settles down soon and you have a lovely time camping.

we just got back from our first really truly worked-for-everyone happy family holiday...after five years of holidays slowly improving.
my two tips to add are 1, make sure that they are fed on their own schedules. we have one in particular who gets sulky and whiny when hungry so have learned to preempt even tho it can be inconvenient. 2, talk about what to expect...what the division of space will be like, how activities will be chosen, who will sit where, anything that might provide an opportunity for picking on or unfairness.