Step Kids

[Janey2468]

I'm dating a guy with kids from a previous relationship boy aged 12 and girl aged 15. Can I ask any step mothers out there that if it progressed to something more serious, from their own experience, do they find step parenting a rewarding or otherwise experience?

I think spending a bit of time reading some of the threads here would give you a really good insight into some of the challenges faced by step parents. Whilst it can be lovely and rewarding when things go well, it can be horribly frustrating, annoying and upsetting when things go badly from your point of view. And this is coming from someone who has a generally well behaved DSD, a supportive DP and his exw who is happy to let us get on with things and encouraging of them spending time together. Proceed with much caution is my advice!

Having step kids is hard. Especially if the ex is awkward and gives them whatever they want whenever they want. Not to mention saying that I can be ignored and DH has to take her home whenever she wants.

It took a long time to get DSD to realise that DH and me don't run a hotel/bank/taxi/entertainment service. Yes I'm fully expecting our DCs to try this but they won't be refusing to come here or screaming to go home when they get told "no".

Much as my DCs and DH are my world I honestly don't know if I'd go back and do it all again. Its not all down to DSDs attitude and behaviour but dealing with the awkward ex who also seems to think we can magic up £300 for a birthday present for DSD or assumes we can pay half of a £250 residential trip and tells DSD she can go without asking if we can help.

Tread carefully and read some of the threads on here first.

I love my husband dearly but knowing what I know now as a step mum to two I wouldn't do it again. But that's just my experience.

I wouldn't do it again, and neither dss or his dm are any trouble really compared to some of the stories I read on here.

It was a big adjustment (for everyone) initially but has been mostly a positive thing.

The two big things which I think can make a huge difference are whether you and DP think along similar lines in terms of standards of behaviour (for the DCs) and also the ex factor. Most of my frustrations over the years have stemmed from DH's exp who goes out of her way to be unpleasant.

I thought very carefully about my DSD and signing up for a stepmum role but really underestimated how I'd be letting a toxic person into my life in the shape of her mother. Don't be fooled if the ex seems harmless at first (although you could get lucky). This one was fine until she realised i wasn't going anywhere and got on well with DSD.

Having a really good support network helps enormously as you may not want to/be able to rant to DP about frustrations all the time. In the early days i used to 'pop out for something' in the car, park down the road and call my mother or a friend and vent. Without that I'd have gone nuts as it can be a lonely role sometimes.

Oh and if you expect nothing in terms of affection, you will be pleasantly surprised if you then receive it. I'm good enough to wash, cook, clean etc for DSD but have never had a cuddle from her. Luckily my DH makes up for that!

Thanks everyone for your comments and words of caution. I will take it slowly and see if our relationship looks as if it will be serious before I make any major decisions.

It saddens me to say that I don't think I've ever found it the remotest bit rewarding.
I get on with DSC but they wish I didn't exist, they wish things were still the same as they were before I came on the scene.
It's not like raising your own children where you can look at them with pride knowing that everything they are is because of you.
For me it is like a constant losing battle. You try and try and try in the hope that one day your efforts may pay off, but I'm still waiting for the day they do.
In all honesty if I knew things would be this hard for so long I probably would have thrown the towel in years ago.

But that's just my experience, I know other SMs have much more positive experiences