Applying for main residency - any advice please?

[ConfusionAndDelay]

Some of you helped with advice on my other thread but just to summarise DSD (7) was hit by her Mother, left a mark and we reported it to Police and Children's Services got involved.

Police have now indicated there's not enough evidence to secure a prosecution and DSD is very young so her evidence isn't reliable- basically her mum will most likely get away with it.

Children's Services have said even if the Police do prosecute one smack leaving a mark doesn't meet their threshold for removing a child (if it had been a normal "together" family) so they can't make recommendations as to where DSD should live in this separated family situation. They have said that their report will advise that the current Shared Residency is not working for DSD, she often goes 5 days without seeing either parent. They have indicated they will recommend she has one main home to give her some stability but frequent regular contact with the other parent. Her mum has always refused to change the pattern of care, refused phone calls etc- she basically hears and sees nothing of DSD during the days we have her. She also have very different rules which she's told the Social Worker about- here she has boundaries and behaves, at her mums she behaves badly, very few rules, doesn't do her homework, bed late, school late etc.

Anyway. DH had to apply to Court and got a Court Order for DSD to remain in his care during the Police and Children's Services investigations. There's a hearing listed for early October. Children's Services will speak with Cafcass and they are recommending DSD has one main home. So DH has to make proposals and give reasons as to why that should be our home not her Mother's.

Any advice how we should do this- what will and won't go in our favour? What things are good to mention and what are bad to mention. DH is wary of the fact he is the man in all this and Courts are still biased, her mum plays a good show and will likely cry and play the victim/poor mummy at Court so he wants to appear fair, reasonable and child focused but equally make his point firmly so he doesn't appear not to care!

Anyone know what criteria is considered when a Judge is having to choose which parent/home a child should live with?

I would speak to a solicitor and fast! Any advice you geton here will only be sspecific to the posters individual situation and not always relevant to your situation. Alita is probably the best person as her dsd is resident with her and dp however

I would make sure that he maintains a calm outlook, be reasonable, encourage contact with Dm whilst dsd is living with you and any communication to be in writing so you have proof.

Sorry I can't be more help

Thank you. Solicitor help is just not an option unfortunately. We have a huge bill we already owe the solicitor and they won't do any more work for us until a large chunk is paid. No other solicitor will take our case on without the case file which won't be passed over whilst we owe money. We spent thousands on family Court already over the last few years.

Yes he is ensuring he is doing every to show he is reasonable being aware that this may all be used in Court. He has offered telephone calls but ex has ignored his emails and texts so far and we believe she has gone out of the country for a week or two now which explains why she hasn't been in contact by email for around a week. He's offered supervised contact too but again no reply.

Keep doing what he is doing. I would contact cafcass amd speak to them and also look into whether the cab cam offer any advice. Also it may be worth posting on the legal forum as you may get some good advice there

If he has an interim residence order, with no hearing until October, he is in a good position tbh. It sounds like Social Services and Cafcas are likely to recommend a main residence and regular contact arrangement, and, all other things being equal, courts are reluctant to change things for children if all is going well.

So, the main things you need to do are; make sure dd is on time for school, gets plenty of sleep, does homework and reading. And get a report from school on her previous attendance, punctuality and behaviour (they should have this available anyway), and the weeks until you go to court.

What contact is dd having with her mum currently? Ensure contact is as per the court order, as court also need to have reassurance that dd will have regular contact with her Mum.

If you have no solicitor, you can apply to the court to take a 'Mackenzie friend' to act with you...basically someone to have the paperwork to hand, listen to what's going on and offer suggestions and support. Google to find out the process.

IME most decisions are agreed between barristers (or you if self representing), so tread carefully in discussions beforehand.

Thank you both.

There was a Shared Residency Order in place. DH made an urgent application back to Court when all this happened so that he wasn't breaking the Shared Residency Order by no handing DSD to her Mother. He was granted an ex parte hearing there and then and the Judge said he doesn't need an interim Residency Order he just needs a Prohibited Steps Order which is what she made.

The Prohibited Steps Order simply states that DSD's Mother must not remove or attempt to remove DSD from DH's care save for any future agreed it Court Ordered contact. She said this PSO superceeds the original Shared Residency Order and therefore he doesn't need to hand DSD back as per the Residency Order. There is no contact Ordered on the PSO but DH has offered supervised and telephone contact.

DSD is always at school on time her days with us. We have an attendance report from the school and the blocks of days she is with her mum are glaringly obvious. It's got worse and the last few weeks of term she was late around 70% of days her mum took her. She's infant school though so they don't seem too bothered, the head teacher has spoken to we mum numerous times but got no improvement.

As for contact, as above DH has offered it but her mum hasn't replied- he has proof as he kept his emails. We think she's gone abroad on holiday actually so that could be why she hasn't responded.

I just can't get my head around why the Judge didn't make an interim residency Order only a PSO.

The PSO gives you more protection than the residency order hun. A residency order can be breeched with no recompense legally. The PSO means that if her Mum turns up and tries to remove dsd from either your home or school then the police can be contacted and she can be prosecuted. Trust me you have the better of the two in terms of protection!!

Make sure that absolutely to do with contact with her mum on email. If you have an android phone you can back up text messages to google so that you can print them out. Make sure that even if DP is getting no response that he is emailing her every 2-3 days to chase up contact and give her updates on how dsd is doing so that he can prove that he has done everything possible to maintain contact with dsd's dm. If she does agree to phone contact, make sure that you tell her that the phone is on speaker and the conversation is being recorded - that way if she says anything damaging to dsd it can be submitted in court. keep a record in a notebook of every phone call made, the date, time, length of the call etc so that she cannot deny the contact. Might be worth checking out getting itemised billing for the short term on your mobiles/house phone as well so that your information can be cross checked with the phone company's info. Make sure you let the phone go to answerphone so that it shows up on the bill though.

Thanks. That's great to hear that the PSO was the better option. We were a little concerned as DH went by himself and was a little baffled by the legal jargon at the urgent hearing. The PSO doesn't state the last order is discharged or suspended or anything but I'm hoping that's not necessary.

Yes he's being very polite and reasonable and child focused. He's said when she does call (no call yet it's been over two weeks and we think she's currently gone on holiday overseas) he will record it to monitor to make sure nothing upsetting is said.

I said he should send her an update about DSD, how we last week at school went, how her dance show went etc but he is worried it may look spiteful at Court like he is rubbing her nose in the fact she hasn't got her for the holidays etc. maybe a short email once a week would be appropriate and look good? He knows he needs to show if main residence is given to him that he is willing and does already promote DSD's relationship with her mum hence why I think the email updates do this..

The PSO doesn't need to state it hun, it is dated after the original order so as you have been advised it overides everything that came before it.

It won't look spiteful, it will show that he is concerned that dm still needs to be aware of what is happening with dsd and that he is doing everything possible to encourage contact. Not doing it will be more damaging as DM can claim that he is alienating her from DSD's life and that would go massively against him. As long as they are to the point and concise i wouldn't worry too much. Something along the lines of

Dear DSD Mum,

As we haven't heard form you for the last couple of weeks I thought i would let you know how DSD is getting on.

Her last week at school went well - give examples of any awards given out to dsd or her friends, she did her dance show on X date and it went really well. DSD is sorry you missed it but hopefully there will be a DVD released that you could get so you can see her.

Our current plans for the holidays are X,y,Z but i know DSD would love to see you. If you could let me have some dates when you will be available then we can arrange for supervised visits and phone calls/skype. Please be aware that to protect DSD any calls will be on speaker phone and recorded so that the courts can see that we are all staying amicable and maintaining the best contact possible for DSD.

Look forward to hearing from you

Regards,

DSD Dad

Cheers guys. Dh is going to email DSD's mum this evening as wheresthelight has suggested and in the same format. Will let you know what happens...

He's emailed her. Spoke about DSD, offered some days and times for contact, asked her to get in touch and attached a few photos of her dance show for her mum to see. Let's see if she replies...