Stopping access - rules!

[RonneandFrankie]

This isn't a thread about actually cutting access. Just reading through so many posts, I'm totally amazed by how seriously the courts take access in the UK (I'm from Australia.) (Actually this ended up being partially rant :/)

Over here, it's well known that mothers can do basically whatever they want with the kids, and there's nothing that the father can do. They can take them to court, but the courts will say "Yep, gotta let him see his kids" and then there's nothing you can do to enforce it without going back to court to make a complaint about it, and maybe the mother would get a fine. (From my dad's and DPs experiences and legal advice..)
It's different if it's the other way round though, by the sounds of it....The whole system is so incredibly sexist over here :( Obviously if something really serious is done, like moving the children out of the state or something, then that would be acted upon.
But stuff like denying access for a little while? Pfft, no biggie apparently.

I remember my mother playing around with my dad heaps with access (I have two much younger siblings.)
She would have them full-time, with dad seeing them every second weekend (if she allowed it). Then she would have a break down and dump them on his doorstep at some stupid hour of the morning and disappear for 6 weeks. She did this 3 times that I remember.
She once had to be arrested to "public nuisance" and "resisting arrest", i.e. she punched my dad in the face one day when he was collecting the kids and then when the police arrived, started screaming about how she was going to "stab the c*" and had to be handcuffed etc. The police also had to be called to remove her from my work when she came in and starting hitting and screaming at me (this didn't count as being a danger to her children, because I was over 18, so it was just like assaulting another adult apparently -.-)
She was still considered to be the best option for my younger siblings to stay with full-time. How is that even logical?!?!?

End rant. I am just so surprised that it sounds like the courts take the children's right to see their father so seriously...

Well I think it's a good thing that things aren't that bad here! Though I think we still have some way to go, as you can't often get legal aid for contact issues which stops a lot of dad's from going to court, they often pay maintenance and may have other kids to support so usually going to court is very hard to afford without the kids loosing out financially.

Things sound awful in Australia. Contact with both parents is very important!

Sadly, it's not really any different in the uk.

If a mother withholds contact, a father can apply to court for a Child Arrangement Order. Both parties are legally required to attempt mediation first (often the mediator meets them separately and reports that the case isn't suitable for mediation), and then CAFCASS have to do an initial report to check there are no child protection concerns. As a result, it's usually a few months before the first hearing, during which time the DCs haven't seen their Dad. The court may order further reports, but will generally make an order based on the "status quo" as that is best for the DCs, which can result in minimal contact being ordered, because the "status quo" is no contact, even if previously, the father was an equal parent or even primary carer!

If the order is breached by the mother, the only recourse the father has is to apply to court (with associated court fees) for the order to be enforced. During which time, the DCs aren't seeing seeing their Dad. If the mother can convince the court that she withheld contact for good reason (even if it's fabricated, all she needs to do is convince the court that SHE believed it) then there is no penalty.
Even a mother who repeatedly and maliciously withholds contact is very unlikely to face penalties of any significance because the courts position is that the DCs will be adversely affected.

Family law is very different in practice to theory.

I think it's incredibly sad. It allows people to use their children as weapons against someone they may have a grudge against.
It's sad parents are capable of that in the first place, really :/

And knowing a few people who've had to go through it all, it feels like the guys have to walk in eggshells around their exs, because if they do something to piss them off, BAM no contact, just because the mother feels like it :(

Yes, what wakey said. We are going through that at the moment with Dss, haven't seen him since January when his mum moved house without telling us. We hired a private investigator to find the new address to serve court papers on for breach of contact order, went to court in early July where it was ordered that contact should resume immediately. The two weekends since that we were scheduled to pick him up have failed due to her standing next to dss and telling his dad he didn't want to see him then the second time not answering the door! All we can do is try and go back to court yet again to try and enforce it.

Yes, what wakey said. We are going through that at the moment with Dss, haven't seen him since January when his mum moved house without telling us. We hired a private investigator to find the new address to serve court papers on for breach of contact order, went to court in early July where it was ordered that contact should resume immediately. The two weekends since that we were scheduled to pick him up have failed due to her standing next to dss and telling his dad he didn't want to see him then the second time not answering the door! All we can do is try and go back to court yet again to try and enforce it.

We have dsd 1 and 2 eow but their mum keeps limiting contact, saying they have to come late or go home early for silly reasons, this has happened since dsd 1 asked to live with us. What can we do? If we could afford court then dp is sure that the minutes he heard about it she'd cut all contact and it would then be months before a contact order was put in place and he'd miss all that time with them and dsd 3 who lives with us would also miss out on sibling time!