New Baby and Step Children Sleeping arrangements

[WolvoMum123]

Hi, i wonder if anybody could share their views on what they would do, whether you have your own step children or not, i'm just after some advice on what everybody else would see as right, before discussing it with my husband and he makes descisions based on guilt or simply wanting to please his children.

I have two step children, a boy 6 nearly 7 and a girl 2 and a half.
We have a son together too who is 2 nearly 3 months old.

I always make my step children feel welcome, look after them, cook when they are here, buy them clothes, toys etc. I also correct them and discipline them, within limits, as they are not my children and equally praise them when they are well behaved. It's nothing extreme, but pleases, thank yous and picking things up are constant reminders from me as they are with most parents, bio or step. I do with them what i will do as my son gets older. We do everything as a normal family when they stay with us every other weekend for 2 nights.

My husband carries the guilt torch when his children are around, even when they come for 4 hours for tea, 2 nights in the week. He completely changes and feels on edge with pleasing them, to a point understandable, but at times very tough, this is the reason i want to seek outside views before fully discussing the matter with him when the time comes.

To the actual question now...

They currently both have a bedroom each, we recently moved into a 3 bedroom house and completely renovated it before i had my son and we also decorated their rooms to how they wanted it. Stepson even has his own xbox and sky channels and tv in his room. It will eventually become my sons room and they will share that one weekend a fornight but whilst my son is young and his half sister is too young to be trusted with a baby in the same room, i do not know what to do.

What would you do about sleeping arrangements?

When my son is 6months+ i want to move him out of his crib from my bedside into a cot and preferably into his own room.

Any kind advice appreciated.

Thanks

I'd get rid of the xbox and tv in the bedroom. It's not good for him, especially at that age, anyway :)

Put your son in the biggest room, either with twin or bunk beds. The boys share when DS stays. Then the girl can stay in the smaller room.

My DSC are in together but they are the same sex. Our baby will be in with us and my DC who currently have their own rooms will share when baby is ready to have own room although we will probably try and wait longer than 6months if we can so my DC don't feel pushed out.

I would probably be more inclined to put your son in with DSS than to put your Dsd in with DSS - not sure what your other options are.

I'd keep your DS in his own cot but in your room til around a year, or whenever he's no longer waking in the night. Then put him in the bigger bedroom to share with DSS when he comes. He's quite close in age to DSS and with any luck will enjoy him coming to share his room.

Sorry I got that wrong- it's your DSD who's only 2. In that case I'd put her in with your DS for a few years. I don't think gender matters for little kids.

The worries I have about that is she will be going into a toddler bed hopefully by the time she's 3 (in 6 months) She still wakes in the night at the minute crying and if I'm honest I don't trust her. She put her hand up to my son infront of us the other day threatening to hit him, simply because she was told off for spitefully and for no reason whatsoever stamping on my feet as she walked by.

As for SS with tv and xbox. I'm quite glad we have it for him. Up until about 4 months ago he wouldn't go off and play by himself in his own room. Didn't know how to entertain himself etc. He had really bad clingy issues with his dad and wouldn't stop following him around the house. Even to the toilet! Now his daughter does the same. And now when he comes for tea he will only play the xbox with his dad for about 15-30mins. Then he'll watch tv for an hour before bedtime when he stays. Other than that he doesn't watch it because we take them out places or encourage them to play in the garden. I think the nearest option I'm considering is putting son in with SS in the big bedroom when he is between 6months and a year. Can't fit a cot in our bedroom.

I have 2 sc boy 6 and girl 10 who have their own rooms at their mums but have to share whenwith us. We only have a 2 bedroom house and dp is adamant not to move even if we have a baby. We discussed the arrangements as I want a baby room for at least a year. He had a agreed and then whichever sex the baby is will share with its brother or sister. We are planning to split the biggest room into two . This worked really well for my parents and there was 3 of us. I think its important that all the kids feel equal regardless of when they stay. I would never have my child and his kids in seperate rooms. Just do whatever feels right and speak to dp. Hopefully he will understand your concerns and help with a solution xx

I have a dsd 13 and dss 8 and they share the larger room when they're here our ds has the box room. we felt as they have their own rooms at their mums house it's only fair that our ds has his own room in ours.

Wolvo, your step daughter is only 2, she'll be really different by 3. I would keep the baby if with you til he's nearer 12 months, then put him in with his sister.

The two little ones are close in age, at 1 and 3 they will have similar toys etc and similar bedtimes. They can share a room until 8 and 6 at least.

I wouldn't put the baby in with the 7 year old, as the older boy will want to go to bed later, read etc in his room, play in his room while the baby naps.

I have two DSS, 8 and 4. No bio children of my own and no plans to have them. We're currently looking for a new house so the boys can have their own rooms as it's getting to the point where the elder one needs his own space a bit more, and we can't expect them to still share a room when they're in their teens! I think some sharing is fine now, but they will need their own privacy at some point, even if it is just at the weekends.

I would have the youngest two share. My two share (boy and girl) - they're 2 years apart and it works well. Good for them to bond too.

I have dss 11 and dsd 8.5 and dd 11.5months, dss has the smallest box room and dsd and dd share. It's a bit easier as they are older but I think it is wrong personallyto have kids of the opposite sex sharing a room eespecially as eventually she will need her own space and then you will be facing an issue with moving ds into a different room with dss.

Is one of the bedrooms big enough that you could maybe divide it up into two rooms either with a partition wall or a heavy curtain? Or is there a possibility of a loft conversion if dh won't agree to the boys sharing

I think it does depend quite a lot on the personalities of the DC. Some positively like sharing. Others fight like cat and dog. And they may change a lot over the coming months so you might not want to make any promises just yet.

I know you said you are happy about the xbox/tv being in the room, but just a couple words of caution (which may not apply to you but I thought I'd put it out there!) - if the older DSS and younger DS share the space as a long-term solution, this has the potential to become more difficult than it would seem now, maybe. My DSS is 16 now, and my DD is 4, so a bigger age gap between them than yours will have. My DSS (who I will say up front hasn't ever had restrictions on what type of games or shows he's allowed) was from the age of about 10 or 11 playing some quite violent games, and now with the XBox live option there is a lot of yelling and swearing that goes with the games. DSS is lovely with his sister in person, but when he is on the game, he is shouting stuff I really don't want her to hear - she's not allowed in his room, so doesn't see it, and he arranged the room when we moved so that he's not against her bedroom wall when playing...but anyway, it is still a bit of a problem, and I REALLY wouldn't be happy if he'd had those in there while sharing with a smaller child. Just something to think about long-term - what works with a 7 year-old might be tougher later on.

I'd put dss and dsd together, baby on own. As the baby gets older and your dss starts getting self-conscious I'd put the two boys in together, dsd on her own.

Thank you for all your advice. Since, i have discussed it with DH and hes definitely more understanding now than when we vaguely discussed it before our DS was born.

We both agree that a baby needs no disturbance when he's at cot age and waking in the night etc, although I'm currently very blessed as he sleeps from 8pm till 5am, but we all know that could change with teething and age etc. so we agreed that he will be in our room as long as possible before having the small box room which is handy because our headboard and his cot will be against the same wall in adjoining rooms so we will hear him if he cries.

He also agreed that its fairer that our son has his own room whilst he's a baby and whilst his siblings have their own room at their mom's house that they share the big bedroom for only two nights every fortnight whilst they are both young and not body conscious teenagers. This will only be temporary until our DS is around 3 and old enough to go from cot to bed in the bigger bedroom sharing with his older brother only for the two nights every fortnight.

Just a note on the xbox situation, i have no concerns on games, violence etc. if my SS chose to swear or get to an age where he's buys himself violent or adult games because we certainly wouldn't buy them then the xbox will simply be taken away. I am quite lucky that when i start laying down rules and give him reasons why, my stepson respects me and listens, if that changes as he reaches puberty then i think deep down he knows all hell would break loose with me! He's a very sensitive smart caring kid who never likes to upset people especially his dad, i do look forward to seeing him grow up.

Thanks again for all your well intended advice, its solved our problem weighing up pros and cons!