Sad for a friend..

[Elizabeth120914]

One of my old school friends has just had a baby ( first with her OH) he has a daughter 5 with an ex. She's put a picture on Facebook of the baby with her dad and his ex has immediately commented first saying how she's the spit of their daughter at that age and then goes on to congratulate him and asking when he's bringing the baby round to see her!

Just made me feel lucky for once that with our baby we don't have to deal with this. Him and ex are from what I can see on very friendly terms and I feel sorry for her the baby was a surprise and she's adjusted but really it's nice to be friendly for the child but this seems bonkers and it's excluding her too (I've spoken to her) he thinks this is fine??!!

She needs to adjust her privacy settings by the sound of it.

I have an older step-daughter, and I wouldn't have taken it personally at all! If the relationship between her DH and ex is amicable, I wouldn't see it as a dig at all. It isn't much different than 'Aunty Nora' commenting that the baby is the image of 'second cousin Louise'. It is just a comment on genetics!
I think it is lovely the ex has commented, after all, it is her child's sibling and that is where her focus will be.

It's somewhat intrusive for the ex to comment if she and your friend aren't friends on fb, but as the ex is being friendly, I'm not sure why you're sad? If she had come along and said to the dad, 'the baby doesn't look anything like you, are you sure it's yours' or something, that would be far worse. It's better that she should be on good terms as far as the dad staying in contact with his first child.

Oh for Pete's sake!

It sounds like a friendly, if banal, comment.

Stop looking for drama where there is none.

A bit cheeky possibly but the friend should post back 'thanks SMName, I hope DD grows up to be a lovely girl like SDName' and be the better person (and possibly gain brownie points with SM - there is a long future ahead!)

She's not friends with the ex and she's upset about it wasn't looking for drama where there's none I genuinely would be hurt if my week old baby was going to visit the ex! Her oh doesn't see the problem

If my dps ex said that I'd be raging! I certainly wouldn't be trying g to score brownypoints with her either!

I suppose it depends on the relationship you have with the ex. Mine is non existant and a bit bitter. I have told dp when we have a baby she finds out last if at all and she won't be see him/her. He had also been warned never to compare my pregnancy or parenting to hers.

It's nice your concerened for your friend but if she is ok with it then you should be too. If she's not happy then she should get rid of ex on Facebook and I'd be telling dp to tell the ex she will never meet the baby.

The friends new baby will be the sister of the oh's first daughter so how lovely that the ex is being friendly.

The baby's her DD's sibling. The first things most 5 year olds will want to do with something as exciting as a new brother or sister is to show or off to their mum. Whilst I can understand that it might not be the new mum's first priority, suggesting that the ex will "never" meet the new baby seems a bit harsh, not to mention impractical - what about pick ups and drop offs for the 5yo? Anyone calling at a house with a new baby might want to have a quick look, of the timing's convenient. My own DC were certainly keen to show me their baby brother when my ex had a baby.

Your friend is lucky that her DP and his ex regard each other as friends. That's a great way to co-parent, and a lot easier for her too than if they were warring. If she were my friend if reassure her and tell her just to take things at her own pace with the new baby. If she really cells she needs more distance from the ex then she should probably remove her from being a friend on FB and check her privacy settings only show photos to friends (not friends of friends)

No it was a different poster not you need a holiday who suggested she should be told they week never meet. I agree it would be a bit much for her DP to take a newborn round to his ex. But she's probably not really suggesting that he ought to, just being friendly and happy about the new baby. That's a lovely way to have your ex feel, a lot of people find it hard when their exes have new babies.