FFS they are children not possessions!!!

[impatienceisavirtue]

As title says.

And I am sick or DH's ex treating her poor kids like they are. Does anyone else's ex/DH's ex do this? It's awful and demeaning to the kids. Not only are they not a possession, they are not 'her kids' they are also as much DH's kids. What she is doing to them in trying to turn them against her father is disgusting and tragic and it hurts the kids more than anyone. They are so confused right now. Also found out that many of the texts DH has received purportedly from his son are actually his ex. From the sounds of it she then deletes the convo (she's been taking his phone off him in the evening, pretending to be him and then returning it the best day) before giving him his phone back in the morning. I don't even know what to say to that.

Sorry for lack of detail. I just needed a rant.

Sounds like a nightmare, poor kids

I feel like shit as well. Their be about of late has been truly awful and I was getting really frustrated by it, but it turns out there was even more going on behind the scenes that we weren't aware of. Of bloody course they're misbehaving. I can even understand now why they have been awful to my kids.

We haven't spoken one bad word about their mother to them btw. When we explained the actual facts behind something she had recently tried to upset them with (over a two day break with my kids - no physical way we could have taken them all because of different school dates, we had though booked a similar stay to take them on immediately after but didn't have chance to tell them as she found out about it before we had a chance to tell them and she then told them about it and said it was because daddy didn't love them and then told them to refuse to speak to him or visit- have only just seen them this weekend since and they are totally cool about it now) we were very careful not to make her out to be the bad guy - just put it down to a 'misunderstanding'. The last thing we want is for them to feel any more in the middle than they already do :(

She apparently had them sit down at the table and insisted they write out lists of all their father's faults. Presumably this was to send to him but as they didnt want to do it we don't know what it was for.

What the f* is wrong with people? Surely this is emotional abuse?

Their behaviour of late*

Sorry am on phone.

We have similar problems to this. Not quite as psychotically organised as this, so I agree this tips over into abuse.

There comes a point there's not a lot you can do to still paint mum up as perfect and amazing when they are being so aggressive and particularly about the kids dad.

I'm sad to say that even at the tender age of 4 I had to introduce my step child to the concept of perspectives. She would say why would mum lie, I say I think mum feels that might be the case but we know its not and thats a difference of perspectives.

We had similar problems, we currently are having her suffer from terrible nightmares from things the silly *** has said. In the past my oh has made the mistake of disciplining my SD because his ex has said she's been screaming at me and my boyfriend. When she came to our home I pinned her down on it, this isn't like you, why are you shouting, why are you unhappy. That's when it all came out. Now I tell him not to take things on face value, if her behavior is bad we start sniffing around and we always find something is amiss. Kids don't just start bullying and yelling for no reason they are aping behavior they see.

Whilst all this is similar and I empathize I wouldn't say that our problems have been as systematic as that, as I say I agree it bubbles over into abuse. Why don't you have a look at the nspcc stuff on this or supportive things about domestic abuse the phone controlling etc is classic. I would keep the kids very close to your heart just now they need you. They are confiding in you and that's good, keep letting them open up (try to avoid shocked face which I know is hard) then if you feel the things really need to be escalated either to their dad stepping in and telling her to stop or further to social services etc you can do so. You have to choose your battles there are things I don't think my sd's mum should have got away with in a million years but it has to be serious enough to say that's it the good times are too outweighed by the bad for our child to start any process of changing residency. At least like ours, your kids are old enough now to tell you how they feel.

Sorry to hear they've been going through that its very mean indeed. They're lucky to have you