Another holiday post - I want to cry!!!

[alwaystryingtobeafriend]

Hiya

So I'll try to be brief but the last 5 days has been so hard I don't even know how long I'll go on...

DP and I too his 2 DSC away for 4 days to a place I love! The kids I've been once before an there's always lots of kids their age - and with the weather being fantastic it should have been a great week.

1. DSD thinks she knows everything- there is no tellin her (she is 10). From what she wears to how she acts - she is right we are wrong ( only for her to later discover we we right!!) she has a proper attitude on her and constantly back chats me an DP. - I have told her to not bother being smart with me I'm not her mum or dad.

1. DSS is a moody wee git!(he is 7) he never really mingles with kids and to be fair I was really proud of him - he befriended a few kids and enjoyed being outside so for the most part he was good. He can't do anything for himself. He can't empty sand out his own shoes, get dressed or wash his hair properly.

1. DP kept moaning at the kids for x,y and z and would makes comments time about how his dd is a wee liar/ madam and ds is lazy etc. if I say anything he gets defensive and snappy with me telling me to give the kids a break blah blah blah. But he didn't bother when his ds came into our room one night as he couldn't sleep. The wee guy was trying to climb in beside us (I hate this always have always will- I hated crawling in beside my parents?!) so I got up to see to him and sort out the problem. DP slept through and doesn't remember. DD was sick- I helped clean it up made sure she was ok through the night. Yet I'm not allowed an honest opinion of them?!

1. Finally, DSD has an odour problem downstairs and DP spoke to her about it. She got upset and I true to comfort her an speak to her to see if I can help. But she has since gone back to her mums and told her we had spoke to her about it an upset her. Her mum went bus at dp( she never speaks to me) an said if I am to stick my oar in then I should know it's puberty related. Fair enough but what is she as a mother doing about it to help her daughter? There are products available to help nutraluse the smell an also I think it is more than puberty ur a wee infection or something. DP has said never to try again and let her mum deal with it. But I don't want the girl smelling or being self conscious.

All these thigs have caused tension between me and DP and I have tried talkig to him but he just won't listen. We took a 2 week holiday from work and somehow manage to have the kids 10 days out of 14 instea of the usual 7. It's reevaluate getting time because all I want is to spend time with DP just the 2 of us.

I'm sorry for the long post but I am at my wit end with what to do to make everyone happy. (Although it's not entirely my responsibility) r

Do you have children of your own or just the step kids ? Just wondering if perhaps some of this is inexperience with that age group . Not many 7yo can wash their own hair well However you need to present a untied front . Back chat not tolerated. If dm doesn't want you to get involved he needs to step up with you and he agreeing in advance how things will run.

I know a lot of it is inexperience I have no kids. Fair enough a 7 yr old won't was their hair but what about brushin teeth, washing hands face? General hygiene ie washing hands after toilet.

It was such a stressful few days. Im glad they are away home to their mums for 2 nights u til we get them back for however long . X

My 6.5 year old will try all those things with reminding but wont necessarily do it properly despite constant teaching and reminding. He is getting better.

my DSD is 6 and will get dressed, wash face/hands and brush teeth herself but does need reminding. she can't wash her hair yet though as its very long

My DS1 is 6.7 and can't wash his own hair yet, although he's working up to it. He can dress, brush his teeth and wash his hands and face though (although he's not good with combing his hair properly either).

Sounds like your inexperience is counting against you in the eyes of the children's parents, which is a bit rough - if you're doing parenting things for them then that should be appreciated at least by your DP.

Re. your DSD's odour - can your DP not get his ex to take her to the GP, just in case there is some kind of infection? She might have candida, especially if her personal hygiene isn't all that good, and it ought to be treated sooner rather than later if she does.

I know my inexperience had a lot to do with how I feel but it seems dimples tasks are just impossible.

I have also told dp that he should speak to ex about his dd but it just turns into an arguement. I think she should go to doctors just to check but it's "nothing to do with me" so I have spoken to dp voiced my concerns but it's up to him to speak with his ex. There is nothing I can do. I feel bad though as dsd has felt like we were attacking her and her mum has gone nuts about it. We were only trying to help and I think the mother should be doing something more. What else can I do? I guess I just sit back and do nothing.

So frustrating. I'm really struggling with my step parent role.

Dp is happy for me to take it on full throttle but tonight he flipped at me when I made a comment (don't even know what for) but then he was just as bad kater. So it's ok for him - just not me. So confusing. I went for a walk and had a bubble about it but I am so frustrated at myself and dp.

Please tell me it gets easier over time??

Oops ..

I don't even raise the subject of dsd now when she's not here and if OH is cross about something she has done I will give an opinion but not be drawn into picking at her - used too it's very easy sometimes!! I just say she's your daughter and she's welcome here, yes xyz is unfortunate but for you to deal with. Since taking this approach things are much easier and he sees her faults far better without me saying a thing trust me!

Hadn't pressed submit after all..

Just briefly wanted to say it doesn't till you step back. He's the parent enjoy the aunty/ friend role and let him do it. It ends the conflict as above he will know what they are like doesn't need you to point it out and once u step back ul feel better about the whole thing too.

I really hope so cause it's really driving a wedge and I don't like it. Feel like when I try to step back he thinks I'm not interested- feels like I can't win. I'm sure something will click and just be easier. It doesn't help the kids are going through a funny stage just now.

Wine and cake tonight methinks!!

Large wine, step back and be friend rather than parent trust me it's a much nicer job than evil step mother! The behaviour doesn't reflect on you but him let him sort it out.. He will find some new found respect maybe for what your putting up with or have to sort his own kids - win win!!

I think perhaps you need to articulate to him that you feel you can't win - if you say anything he tells you you're interfering, if you don't say anything he says you don't care - tell him to pick a stance and you'll stick with it but he is causing the problems at the moment by being unfair to you.

Also point out that you like your stepchildren and just want to do the best for them - but if he stonewalls any input you give then you will stop giving any; likewise if his ex kicks off every time you try to do anything for them.

If they want to leave you out of the parenting side of things, fine; but don't then expect you to also parent the stepchildren! He can NOT have it both ways and he needs to realise that's what he's trying to do - it simply doesn't work.

In the meantime, yes, step back from the parenting side of things and leave him to it.

Thanks - thumbwitch your so right. That's exactly what I am gonna do xx