Okay, I will try to be concise but it's so difficult with so much history behind the story!
My DH has a son, aged 14, who lives with his mother and spends EOW with us. My DH's relationship with his ex is not warm, but functional and fine. I think they both do a good job in a difficult situation. It's been 10 yrs since they split up and I came into the story long after the dust had settled.
But this one is about MIL and FIL.
Some back history: Many years ago MIL and FIL bought a house near DH, his (then) GF and their new son (now 14). They never once offered to babysit and DSS's mother still complains to this day about how uninvolved they are and seem to make no effort to be a part of their grandson's life. DH is also bitterly disappointed with how absent they have been when it comes to DSS. When DH's GF left him for another man when DSS was 4, she moved her new BF into DH's house while DH found somewhere else to live. DH didn't want to disrupt his son's life any more than necessary. DH's parents "couldn't handle the vibe", sold their house and moved away. DH has always and continues to make monthly support payments, more than he is legally required to. At MIL's urging, he also bought GF a house to ensure that DSS will always have a roof over his head. DH is doing his best to do the right thing and I do love him for it even though there are times I could scream since GF very rarely works and has lived rent-free for the last 20 years.
My relationship with MIL and FIL has always been polite, friendly and mostly nice even though I don't actually like either of them. Just your garden variety personality clash, nothing very nasty apart from snide, sarcastic and judgemental comments disguised as humour. From the family stories I've heard, I conclude that they are v. childish, selfish people but generally mean well. They had their first child and married when he was 17 and she was 21, if that gives you any clues. FIL is v. competitive and seems to take great delight in winding up DH to get a negative reaction. Neither of them gives DH emotional encouragement or support. Both seem to be emotionally repressed and have never told DH that they love him. But I've always made an effort to be kind and considerate since they are my DH's parents and DSS's grandparents, after all. We have had good times together, laughing often.
Suddenly once we moved into our new house they decided to visit us twice a year (we live abroad). Each time they visit they don't tell us how long they will be staying. It's always bothered me but I've chosen to bite my tongue since I know the visit will eventually end and we can resume our normal lives. I try to pick my battles and this one isn't worth the fight.
Two years ago DH and I got married. That's when we noticed a slight shift in the relationship with his parents. They never said thank you to my father who paid for everything and their wedding gift to us was a slap in the face (but that's another story). Soon their visits became more stressful, MIL became quite rude and snotty while FIL was even more sarcastic than usual. We also discovered that they had been in contact with DSS's mother but "didn't want to worry DH" so chose not to tell him. Understandably, DH felt betrayed by his own parents.
A few months ago was their last visit. It was like living in a pressure cooker. I nearly exploded when MIL addressed our dog with "stay away from me, you horribly filthy beast" knowing very well that we regard our dog like a member of the family. As usual, I bit my tongue. After all, they would be gone soon since they decided to rent a house closer to DSS and his mother for the rest of their stay. In those 2 weeks they didn't make an effort to see DSS once.
Instead, they used their time to buy a house just 15 minutes away from ours. Without telling us until the day before the papers were to be signed! DH and I were surprised, shocked and upset by this bizarre behaviour. My worst nightmare is to live anywhere near these people! For me, it feels intrusive, suffocating and a restriction of our freedom and independence. The fact that they chose to do this behind our backs is just icing on the incredibly foul cake.
DH had a big argument with MIL about it. Her response: "Since we're on the topic of not keeping secrets, I may as well tell you that we're giving DSS's mother a large sum of money to help renovate her bathroom." WTF?!?
Since then DH and I have pulled back and limited our relationship with his parents. At first we just needed time to cool off and get used to this new change, but now it's just getting weird. MIL and FIL constantly make efforts to communicate "in a humorous way" through Facebook, all very public. After two months of trying to ignore this, we both decided to remove them as friends but kept them as "acquaintances" to avoid offending them. But the pestering continues, whether it's via Twitter, tagging us in posts on FB, etc. All through social media. No phone calls, nothing private. No acknowledgement of the weirdness, just a lot of public gloating about their new holiday home. Call me crazy, but it feels like we're being bullied in the most passive aggressive way.
Help! This situation feels so bizarre to me! Am I overreacting? I have no interest in having a friendship with these people but I do need to figure out how to cope when they arrive in a few weeks. Any advice is greatly appreciated and THANK YOU for taking the time to read this long story!