I'll try and keep this short:
DH and I have been married for 2 years, together for 4, he's been divorced for 8 years. DSDs mum has shown little to no interest in DSD (11) for most of her life, though she sometimes had contact on a very irregular basis (meaning - when it suited her). DSDs mum is an alcoholic and very unstable personality. I remember there being no contact at all for long periods of my relationship with DH. Her alcoholism and the fact that she had numerous affairs caused the breakup and subsequent divorce.
Now, recently DSDs mum started to show some sort of interest, meaning she has contact for 1 night a week, and has hence been put on the 'super mum' podium by DSD, as she's a proper disney parent. This has been going on and off for 1.5 years now, with a break in contact as DSDs mum had a drug addicted boyfriend with violent tendencies and hence DSD has not been allowed by us at her mothers house for a time, until she split up with BF. DSD blamed herself for this break in contact as she had the sense to tell a school teacher about her mums BF, and that she's scared of him.
She has spent a lot of time alone with DH before we got together, hence there were mini-wife tendencies in the beginning, which I nipped into the bud for the most part, but I worry about the kid as she is so very insecure. She will tell everyone what a great mum her mother is, and yet clings to my DH, which is understandable but hard to deal with in every day life.
Now DH was helping DSD pack for guide camp the other day and said he's doing it all by the book as DSD is 'desperate to fit in', and that she quit choir the other day because nobody likes her there.
I understand the notion, I was a bit of an 'outsider' myself at that age (or any age really). But I think something bigger is amiss here.
Now DSD is a great kid, and I believe she's very bright, but she can also be bossy and annoying (which I think is my DHs fault as he's been treating her like an adult for too much of the time).
I can't even imagine how she must feel, with a mum that is so inconsistent, a dad who doesn't treat her age appropriately a lot of the time and a step mum whom she sees as a rival (misguided of course - but try to explain this to a 10 year old). I don't know how to get to the bottom of this. Am I overboard in thinking that therapy might help her? Any suggestions welcome.
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How can we help DSD?
7 replies
dogfish22 · 10/07/2014 14:54
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