Im feeling really lonely and isolated and need some help.
I met DP shortly after he left his wife. They split up last June (although from what hes said it sounds like things had been over for at least a year before that.) We started getting close in the September so have been together 10 months.
We kept things very quiet for the first few months as we wanted to see how things went without everyones opinions of us. We realised fairly early on that we wanted it to be a serious relationship and both of us fell madly in love in a BIG way. From Feb we went on a couple of playdates with our kids (3 between us aged 6, 4, 3) but there was never anything couply about us as we wanted to ease them into anything and take it very slowly for them. Unfortunately his ex decided to tell her kids that I was daddys girlfriend before any of us had discussed it. That forced things along faster than we had wanted to and from that moment she has seemingly been making their kids feel they cant have a good time when they are with me and their dad. The 6 year old will tell me I like coming here but it makes mummy angry. His ex tells him that they say they dont want to come to mine but when they are with me they always have a great time, often ask if they can sleepover next time and will say they dont want to go home and that they want to stay. I have no idea what their mum says to them but they seem confused and torn and I would like to know how to help them. Whenever they mention their mum I always talk positively about her, encourage them to tell me what theyve been doing that week (without pushing them) and generally treat them how Id want my exs DP to treat my DC. I know she has told my DP she doesnt want her kids being mothered by me and whilst I dont mother them I do treat them as Id treat a neice / nephew at my house. The little one will quite often come to me and ask for a cuddle and I always say yes. I dont want to take over from their mum but I want them to be happy when they are at my house (or anywhere for that matter.)
Recently his ex has been saying that him being with me is having a really negative effect on the kids. She doesnt say how but just says trust me it is. Shes been saying we are going too fast as theyve seen that we share a bed when hes at mine. I was always happy to go as slowly with the kids as felt right but the irony is she was the one who decided to say I was his girlfriend. So once they knew that and seemed fine with it we decided to let them see we shared a bed. She has been saying that he shouldnt bring them to my house as it unsettles them (but they tell him they want to come). She has also decided she wont agree to the divorce terms which she previously was going to agree to (her unreasonable behaviour for a few things which I wont go into) and keeps talking about the fact that he wants a divorce must just be so he can be with me or because I am pushing for it. To be honest I dont care if theyre divorced or not, I just want to be able to live my life and move on with my new DP and he is wary about this until he is divorced for financial reasons.
She has said that she wants to meet me, then said that she doesnt and now is saying that she does. I think this might help as she might realise I am a nice person who just wants her kids to be happy. On the other hand she might just meet me and feel very jealous (as Im with her ex) and decide she hates me. Ive said Im very happy to meet her as I can see why a mum would want to meet someone spending time with their kids.
I am writing really because I feel really sad and really alone. I know she must be hurting as her H left her and is now happy with someone else and I can understand that that is hard for her. But equally I am starting to wonder if I can deal with all this. Part of me thinks I should just take a breather. But I love this guy so much and have never felt about someone how I feel about him. My girlfriends also say I should stick at it as why let her win? and most people seem to think it will get easier. I just find it incredibly hard and stressful that there is someone else who can dictate/affect our relationship. I really feel she is using the kids to try and get between me and DP. He can see it but it still really affects him as shell say youre putting yourself before the kids and you being with her is really affecting them badly.
Has anyone got any advice for me?