As some of you know dsd lives with us after being abused at her mums. She has contact at her maternal grandads eow and her mum and sisters visit her there and take her out etc.
He has been having health problems for months and months and I was becoming worried about what we'd do contact wise if he were to be in capable of looking after her or to put it bluntly were to die.
Last week he hadn't been answering his phone and was found in a coma in his flat, he is in intensive care and has many problems and they have no idea what the likely out come is going to be. This weekend just gone was her mums contact weekend and she ended up going to visit the family (aunts and uncle's had come down) with her mum for a few hours on the Saturday but otherwise stayed with us.
Her maternal nan reportedly abused her mum as a child (or so she told dp when they were together although there are no police reports etc) so although she sees her nan she would not be someone she could stay with. Her Mums two sisters are not possibilities, one is 16 and the other lives too far away.
So what would the options be, she cannot stay at her Mums house. And for some silly reason her mums dp says he doesn't want his kids near dp, presumably because dsd isn't allowed near him... but that's for a legal reason. So Her mum never picks her up from her (she's dropped her off once with the grandad ) and if that silliness doesn't change, then dsd will not be able to be picked up by her mum and see the kids. On occasion her nan will be able to pick her up and drop her off for day trips and I would occasionally meet her in town if needed (but I am currently 22 weeks pregnant so this will become more difficult.) if this was too difficult then I don't know if outside services like social services could facilitate contact?
But those options would only be for day contact, is there any service that could offer full weekend or overnight contact?
I worry for dsd, obviously all this with her grandad will be traumatic for her, especially with her learning disabilities as she will struggle to understand what's going on. But also I think that not having somewhere to go to separate time with each family will make it hard (particularly as she's autistic) she has always compartmentalised and gets very distressed and emotional after shorter visits with her mum and sisters but is fine after a weekend away. plus her mum doesn't bother a lot, if her grandad is ill (he's cancelled a few weekends in the past few months) then previously she didn't ask to see her at all so I'd worry that she wouldn't make the effort.
I also have a selfish worry in that it would mean that we never ever have any child free time or at least a child free night, I know that if she was both of our child we wouldn't anyway and that with my baby we won't, but she's very full on with the learning disabilities she has and I have taken on the mother role and sometimes it gets a little bit much if I don't get a break (eg on the weekends when her grandad had been ill before and we'd had her all weekend). I end up feeling guilty when I'm stressed or busy and can't give her as much time and attention as I want to. We wouldn't even be able to have her go to dps parents overnight to have us time if she needed to be available to see her mum on both weekend days and on the other weekend dps other two kids stay over so we wouldn't want to have us time then... Does that make sense?
Anyway obviously the priority is making sure things are good for dsd. Does anyone know of any options we have?