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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Another AIBU

20 replies

alwaystryingtobeafriend · 30/06/2014 17:55

Feels like all I do is moan and bitch about my DPs ex but I am so sick fed up of not knowing when we have to feed the kids. Most weeks it's the same routine but recently she is picking and choosing when she is feeding the kids an when we have to. If I know in advance then I can buy in what we will need or I can start preparing it early I it's something fancier.

One week I had made a huge roast for us all and 15 minute before they got dropped off we got a call that she has fed them! I was livid all that good going to waste!!!

DP thinks I'm over reacting but we are trying to keep a right budget and make sure we but te essentials etc and this just makes everythin so difficult. AIBU for is to be told at least an hour or 2 before they get droppe off if we have to feed them? It's really starting to piss me off - DP won't say anything!!! But I know he is frustrated too! And I know there are bigger battles but FFS a bit of courtesy wouldn't go amiss! X

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MummyA1984 · 30/06/2014 18:08

Maybe beat her to it and text earlier to say we're making dinner don't feed them or we're not making dinner please feed them...? Either that or don't prepare them food and if they come unfed then make something quick, cheap and easy like pasta? It is annoying x

Original poster

alwaystryingtobeafriend · 30/06/2014 18:17

I'm more annoyed as I told DP to txt her earlier and fun out for def. as house in upheaval - easier to feed just 2 of us etc. But he was like nah it's fine we will be feedin them it's Monday night. We have fed them on a Monday for about a year! I don't take anything to do with her so it's really up to DP but why should we have to just wait till they arrive or pre empt? I want to make nice dinners for everyone or for me and DP - I don't get a chance to through the week because if this shenanigans. So bloody frustrating!! Now I have a BBQ full of good And 2 mouths to feed not 4! Into bargain I had to go buy the stuff for it so there was enough. Aarrrggghhhh!!! Haha xx

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HerRoyalNotness · 30/06/2014 18:20

ah well, on the bright side, leftovers for tomorrow!

If you don't get advance warning which is annoying, i'd either a) cook something that will freeze well or be nice as leftovers b) only cook enough for two, give the SDC eggs on toast or something easy if they haven't eaten.

MrsDiesel · 30/06/2014 18:35

This happens to me all the time. I used to get really wound up about it but now I just either make something that will stretch further by adding an extra side if I find out in time. If dsd just turns up unfed and our meal is already prepared I grab a pizza or similar from the freezer. She sees it as a treat to get something she wouldn't normally have and usually prefers it to my lovingly prepared home cooked food anyway.

Original poster

alwaystryingtobeafriend · 30/06/2014 19:01

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purpleroses · 30/06/2014 19:15

Happens quite a lot to me too - but more because DSC are teens who plan their lives with about 10 minutes notice rather than any fault of their DM.
Mainly I just cook things that are easy and can be eaten up as left overs. I'd be a bit cross if it was their DM feeding them when she doesn't normally and not telling us.

Are you on the sort of terms with her that you could text her yourself to check if they've eaten? Or are DSC old enough that you could text them direct?

Smelsa · 02/07/2014 02:07

It's your dp you should be annoyed at since he couldn't be arsed to confirm it either way for you when you asked. Easier to blame mum though yeah?

FunkyBoldRibena · 02/07/2014 03:42

I just ask DSD when she gets here and me or her dad will put something easy and bland on for her. Easier that way.

One Christmad, bearing in mind we never have a roast, usually a chilli and she doesn't eat anything other than bland, she was supposed to have been fed her Christmad dinner before being dropped off, we had no roast type food in the house, and she turned up having only had pancakes that morning. And yes, that was the mother's fault!

Original poster

alwaystryingtobeafriend · 02/07/2014 06:21

Yes in our case it is easier to blame the mother. I was annoyed at DP too though for not confirmin when I asked. But at te same time we usually feed the kids on a Monday so why should this have been different/ oh that's right because the mum as always does what she wants and forgets to tell the glorified baby sitting service!

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TheMumsRush · 02/07/2014 08:20

It's only just started happening? Just tell her that you will always have a meal for them. Problem solved

Original poster

alwaystryingtobeafriend · 02/07/2014 08:23

I moaned at DP enough saying how inconvenient it is and he eventually told her that we had good etc for them and it just let's everyone know where they stand if we do it on a Monday. She wasn't pleased but it's about time he called

OP posts:

Original poster

alwaystryingtobeafriend · 02/07/2014 08:24

He called some shots! Even if it is just about feeding the kids x

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Kaluki · 02/07/2014 08:53

DPs ex does this. I have a freezer full of leftovers and unless I know for certain they haven't eaten I don't cater for them. If they turn up hungry I shove a freezer meal in the microwave for them.
Don't give the ex the power!!!

Elizabeth120914 · 02/07/2014 09:38

We have this too she will let us know 30 mins before we are about to drive for nearly 2 hours round trip she's not coming at all!! Bloody infuriating.. Saying anything to ex is pointless I've started putting frozen pizzas in the freezer incase I'm sick of buying a weekend worth of stuff and it's not used..

EarthWindFire · 03/07/2014 07:56

Must be really frustrating. I know that my sister feels your pain. Her DH ex used to do this all the time.

Original poster

alwaystryingtobeafriend · 03/07/2014 08:04

It really is a nightmare and yes there are work arounds but a bit of common courtesy isn't asking too much. A txt to my DP to say I'm feeding kids tnyt an hour or 2 at least before they come over would be nice. My mind actually boggles! Also I would much rather feed the kids every night we have them. At least then they will get proper meals. I've lost count how many times they have been to mcdonalds, the chippy, Pizza Hut, Toby's anywhere really. When I was wee these were treats!! Meh!! At least we know where the maintenance money is going!!!

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Happybeard · 06/07/2014 08:57

I think you need to let the problem lie with DH to fix. At the moment he doesn't care because it doesn't sound like him who has to sort it out. I would tell him next time "please ask mum if we're feeding them. If you don't, I will assume we're not and I won't cook for them. If they arrive hungry, you can find something for them to eat"

NickiFury · 06/07/2014 09:03

If my kids need feeding then I will feed them and I won't be checking up with anyone else if that's ok first. As a lone parent I have got enough on my plate (see what I did there?) without having to send texts or make a call to check if that's ok with anyone else.

BigPigLittlePig · 06/07/2014 09:45

I think the frustration Niki is in the inconsistency.

Eg. dsd gets dropped to us for 4.30, the expectation is that that is for teatime, so I cook enough - only to find she has had McDonalds en route. Fine, a portion for the freezer. Or she gets dropped at 7 having had nothing and starving. It is just frustrating, and a bit of forethought doesn't take much. It works both ways too.

NickiFury · 06/07/2014 09:56

I guess so but we always say at handover whether or not they've been fed and if the other parent will need to do it. I honestly think getting annoyed and wanting more than that is a bit unreasonable. I think a text TO the parent currently with responsibility such as "cooking a roast tonight so don't worry about feeding them dinner" allows them to act accordingly. I simply don't have the time or the inclination to worry about what ex might or might not be cooking. The onus is the parent doing the big meal IMO.

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