Overnight Access question? Aibu?

[Letitgoletitgo]

XH has had dd (2.5) and ds (4.5) eow for about the last 2 years since he left. He doesn't have overnights in the week add he won't /can't change his work schedule and it would be very difficult.

I am returning to work pt in sept, work happens to be near where XH lives although we live around half hr away. Dd will go to nursery near XH one day per week while I am at work. XH wants to have her overnight the night before and to do morning nursery drop. I am not sure if he has suggested this ad he thinks it will be helpful - it doesn't make much difference to me as only 5 min to drop her, it's on my way to work.
However, I've said no, because I think it really odd to have one dc overnight on a regular basis and not the other, for no other reason than it's convenient for him? Ds will be starting school so I will still have to make arrangements for his drop off and pick up every day. My biggest concern is that ds would be gutted by this arrangement and would not understand at all why his sister gets to stay at dad's an extra night every week but he doesn't.

Any thoughts on this? Aibu?

Sorry, why can't he have ds?

OP said the father works so I would assume that nursery drop off is much earlier than school drop off for the older child so he can do nursery around work but not school.

OP could you explain that you feel your son would be upset and feel left out. Perhaps their father could rearrange his working hours slightly so that one day a week he has a slightly later start and they can both stay overnight and he can do nursery and school drop off before work.

I agree, cannot see how that will be a good idea in the longer run. if needed, could xp put ds in breakfast club at his school on that morning, if he cannot change his work hours?

I wouldn't rule out having one child each sometimes. We've done it for a regular after school day when it happened to suit routines, clubs, etc. And also for occasional weekends to give them both some one to one time. Though hasn't done it for a regular overnight. It's good of they can see both parents as doing a mix of the practical day to say stuff and the fun weekend treats. Don't let your ex get seen as the fun parent whilst you go all the hassley weekday stuff if he is willing to do some of the weekday school/ nursery runs. And could be nice for your DS to have you to himself one night a week.

But you know best whether him having just DD will work for you all right now. If you feel it's just going to make life more complicated for her you can say so.

Sorry for typos - on my phone

Thanks ironlady, I thought they would be the same time but that makes sense.

Thanks all.
School doesn't have a breakfast club, so not possible to drop DS early. I would agree ironing, that best option is for XH to rearrange work so he can start an hour late one day a week. Plenty of time to drop dd at 8, DS at 8.45 and still be in work by 10. But unlikely he will do this, hence why he currently doesn't have any midweek overnights.

Purple, that would be nice if any of us was actually going to get any quality time! He will more than likely collect her between 6.30-7pm so she falls asleep on drive to his. Then tell have her for about an hour in the morning before dropping at nursery. I won't get any time with DS really as have to drop him at a neighbours at 7.30am to go to work....
I feel that at their young ages they should be kept together for regular visits. Obviously appreciate as they get older there may be more adhoc visits with just one DC as relevant to interests etc.

I'm more worried about the effect on DS than dd to be honest - he is much more of a daddies boy whereas she isn't so bothered. He will be gutted to find out she is staying with dad one night per week and he can't go. I can feel all sorts of resentment and school issues (as that'll be the reason given to him by XH as to why he can't stay)

No I wouldn't let him have dd and not ds. Either she'll feel left out or he will. I think they should be together x

Me too .. Don't understand why really he wants to change for such little benefit to anyone and to have only one child. I'd say it's too disruptive to come so late and not take both see what he says?