Worried how I'm going to cope..

[Elizabeth120914]

This isn't just step related but hoping some people might be in a similar boat..

I'm 7 months pregnant due 12th September. I'm feeling very overwhelmed about the whole thing.

OH works 6 days a week and we have no local family who are able to help and my childless friends are all 40 miles away.

As the time approaches I'm dreading the thoughts of being home all day on my own and the only day OH is going to be home we have dsd and I probably will end up with dsd and baby on one day. Dsd is 11 and as I've rambled before is completely detached from the baby no matter how hard I try.

OH is self employed so he's not going to get paternity leave or any real time off. He's also stuck in 1950 where he thinks he goes to work and does nothing else. I'm getting really worried about how il manage with no real adult time or family time on our own?

Before everyone attacks me I'm not trying to bin off dsd but just wondered how everyone manages initially? If it was my own older child I'd have MIL have her a bit or something but OH is oblivious to what it's going to be like and making no preparations and MIL although seriously lacking herself keeps talking like il be earth mother looking after them all with no offer of help at all ..

Anyone got any experiences? Yes can include her let her help etc but I need to find my own way a bit first too.. What have others done?

I've worried how I'll cope with each of my children at the later stages of pregnancy. I think it's fairly common. I also worry about everything in the world!! I'm a born worrier! But everything is always wonderful. Each child has felt immediately like I don't know how I've ever lived without them. It'll actually be nice for you to have lots of one on one time with lo plus you'll get plenty of nap times when u need it! I would recommend looking in to joining any local groups for mum and baby, you can meet lots of new mums in the same boat as you.

I also get why you feel disappointed not to get any alone time for the three of you but your lo will have lots of wide awake time before u go to bed so hopefully dh will be at home by then? You will cope fine, the fact that you're bothered shows that :) good luck. Treasure every moment as the grow so fast x

Well for the 5 days a week when it will be just you and your baby, enjoy it, get to know each other, sleep when you need to, and then, when you are feeling ready, get out to some local baby groups - you'll find you make a whole new bunch of friends, amd their support will be invaluable.

I know you have said dsd is very uninterested in the baby, but could this be in part because she has seen all those other siblings born, and subsequently been pushed down the pecking order - so perhaps views this impending arrival in the same way? Once the baby is here, if you really do try to include her (I don't know how you will feed the baby, but maybe give him/her a bottle, cuddle it whilst you make tea etc), she may well become more receptive. My dds first smiles and giggles were all for dsd, which made her feel really special.

In addition, once the initial mayhem has settled down, I found that spending even just 30 mins with dsd whilst dd napped rare occurrence helped dsd adjust and stabilise.

Ultimately though, your dh will need to step up - either he does more to help around the house, or takes on a bigger childcare role; it took my dh a while to realise I just wasn't superwoman and he is now housetrained much better.

Love that 'house trained' did u have to beat him with a large stick or did he work it out himself?! We are at the I'm in strike stage apparently the can't believe how much dog hair the dogs shed in the carpet it's only day 2 how many days till he Hoovers I wonder...!

See there was some stick beating. The thing is, he just genuinely doesn't see the dirt until it is really bad by which time I would be and . But we chatted about it, and he reminded me that I need to tell him what it is that needs doing, and I reminded him that there are some things which are done daily and he needed to learn - there are still slip ups, but usually because we have both become complacent, and have forgotten to talk.

Tbh when I was on mat leave, I did do most stuff, but now I am at work (60+ hrs a week) it just had to change. Things like...one of us cooks, the other does dishes. I do laundry, he generally cleans the house (bar the odd extra hoover for the pet hair ), we split food shopping, he does bins/garden/car stuff, I keep on top of bills.

The key is to talk it through, and don't be afraid to ask for help.

Thank u! Will have a go at implementing that! He does things really badly and gets away with it that way so some stick is required initially maybe we can train him up ;)