Mini-wife wins

[Tappergirl]

I have had the final spat with my husband tonight. I am not even going into the detail, it would bore you all senseless. Suffice to say, I have been tipped over the edge by his attitude, and subsequent events of the evening. I have absolutely no feeling for him now whatsoever. Even if i say it myself, he has shot himself in the foot.

I actually can't stand him anymore. That perhaps is a good thing, I have no raw feelings of love.

I am going to make a new life for myself. I can no longer stand Disney dad and mini wife.

Its the frst time I have no remorse or beside myself about making this decision. The only sadness I have is that it is 10 years lost.

Sorry to read it has come to this. Have you told him?

Ah, sorry, tapper. Yes, have you told him? The house is your's, isn't it?

No, it's a joint house mortgage, with SS here. He is just about to start 6th form 5 minutes from home. No I can't tell him, he is always in denial about us. I can't stand the constant conflict, and the way he always denies what I have said, like he is trying to make me go mad, and question my own sentences and thoughts? He does it every time, I see a pattern, and would rather live without him. Then he changes every 2 days or so, holds my hand, becomes sweet, and act like we have never had an argument. I questioned that tonight, and he didn't have an answer only to say he wants to make up without a conflict, but we never get to resolve the core f the issue. He is in denial, I have told him, but he says I am angry and it is always my fault we have arguments. I have had enough of blame.

Sorry to read this tapp, you've been through it recently. Hope you get things sorted for yourself

" I can't stand the constant conflict, and the way he always denies what I have said, like he is trying to make me go mad, and question my own sentences and thoughts?"

This is called Gaslighting, and yes it is something that can drive you crazy.

Sorry to hear it has come to this. Be kind to yourself.

Tapper, I sympathise as I am in the exactly the same situation. Even the 10 years and the 'let's act as if nothing happened' two days after.
I hope I will have the energy to carry it through this time. It's draining.
What are you going to do? Are you going to tell him?

dogfish22 Thank you for the terminology, very interesting, and I have googled it briefly, but will research more later. It does sound very much like what is happening to me. Wiki has said it is usually Sociopaths who use this method. I wouldnt class my husband as a sociopath, but he definitely uses the methods described here:

www.psychologytoday.com/blog/power-in-relationships/200905/are-you-being-gaslighted

Thanks all for your kind words xx

Am I going to tell him you all ask. No I haven't yet. I am on my own this weekend, which is bliss. I need to think about what to say. Since Wednesday we have hardly spoken so perhaps now I have time to think since he isn't here. Luckily I have a few hobbies that keep me focused but I do use them as veils to sorting out the real problems, as he does too with his own interests.

Natasha no he wouldn't make it difficut to make me leave, but he might ask me to reconsider. I have always loved him, and I think vice versa. The problem is having his two teenage kids come to live with us. He has become a different person. A person I do not like. He is away for the weekend but has called me twice to talk and always says love you at the end. He stays on the phone for more than is necessary, I have shut the call down on both occasions. He knows I am feeling the pain, but won't admit it to my face, and makes me feel like the bad cop all the time. Don't know what the hell to do at the moment.

Oh I'm so sorry to read your post. It must be so hard not knowing what to do for the best. Just wanted to say I hope you're ok and whatever u do it brings you happiness in the end.

Thanks Mummy, much appreciated, very kind words xx