Ideas for entertaining 11 year old..

[Elizabeth120914]

Il not bore everyone AGAIN we have established my OH needs to step up but long story short ex and daughter have ignored us for 5 weeks and refused contact. She 'didn't want to come anymore' very upset OH and everyone. Ex has now decided we must have step daughter again there's been a 'misunderstanding' cue back to child who didn't want to come because she was bored all weekend.

OH cannot be here there's been a major problem at work and as he's in charge and only been there for a few months not going isn't an option. This leaves me as ex is insisting she is collected and I don't want to say now we have been finally told she's ok to come that we won't have her..

I have the pleasure of collecting her and after an awful lot of nastiness and hurt that's gone on over the past month entertaining her.

Yes he should do it, yes he needs to sit her down and talk to her about it and yes I'm not thrilled at the prospect of being the poor sod that has to drive to ex'es and pick her up if I don't grandmother will have to to have her where grandad is laying a floor all day and she will be left to watch it.

I could allow this to happen but she didn't want to come before because she was bored and this might be the final nail in the coffin. It's also OHs birthday next weekend so could do without yet another fall out before that..

So she likes theme parks, shopping, and MTV:/ Facebook type things. I'm 7 months pregnant and it's boiling so ideas apreciated. I'm not going to take her out and spend a lot of money as A I don't have it and B historically when she goes anywhere with me I end up buying anything she wants as she's quite manipulative to put it mildly and I'm no good at saying no as it makes me very uncomfortable when I'm directly asked for things.

Also obviously it's not my place to tell her ignoring her father/ family etc isn't on but if she asks me ( which she will) about the whole thing do I tell her she's hurt feelings by behaviour, say she hasn't or ignore?

Two days is a lot to fill with someone who asks what's next in the middle of what she's doing. OH will be here at night but only for a couple of hours so long stint coming my way.

She prefers generally doing stuff with me than grandparents/ OH as he doesn't really interact well with her interest so don't think she will mind but I want a plan of things up my sleeve!

Constructive ideas please!

Board games, pedicure/manicure session at home, shopping if she brings her own money, morning cinema club (usually cheap). Would she be interested in helping you sort things out for the baby?

My 11 year old loves baking. You could choose a baking book together & get toppings & ingredients. Only downside is the mess but I put up with it as she makes such lovely things. Id rather that than board games.

Sequin art also keeps mine entertained for hours....

Good ideas thanks guys.. Baby is a sore topic she never asks about it and we have done up the nursery etc while she hasn't been here so don't really think it will go down well. Visibly I'm huge compared to when I last saw her so think that might be surprise enough.

She likes jewellery type making might nip to hobby craft or something see what they have in.. She likes nails too could get some nail varnishes..

We normally bake but she flies through it and then asks what's next lol so need a few plans up my sleeve!

I'm feeling tired already might need to use my daily caffeine allowance up first!

Loom bands (sp?) are very in at the moment I keep finding them all over the house.

Could you set her a bigger challenge than baking? How about following a recipe to make a whole meal? You could just supervise loosely. Jewellery making can be fun too. Or are there things you need to do anyway that she could come along on? Food shopping? Errands? Gardening? So she gets some real entertaining but also the option to take or leave whatever you want to do.

Where do I get loom bands from? I'm the most non girly person I'm normally covered in horse muck so in need of help!

She fell off the horse so as I don't want to be accused of trying to kill her thought we would avoid that one this time!

We were going to do a veg patch but oh hasn't even dug the patch and with me being huge and her allergic to manual labour I think we might struggle .. Il mention it to OH if he could start it we might be able to manage .. She likes shopping anyway for anything so maybe could get some seeds and stuff?

You could do some veg in pots maybe? Strawberry plants are available still. Or you could do lettuce or most herbs from seed in pots.

You can buy the threads for loom bands in craft shops or some toy shops. Hobbycraft is great if there's one near you

You can get packets of loom bands in the pound shop. They have kept my 9 year old quiet for hours! If she likes shopping & you are on a budget, then set her a challenge of giving her x amount of money & seeing what she can get for it. We usually do this with our (mostly lovely but sometimes whingey!) dd at a pound shop where she has £2/3 to get creative with in the shop. It is starting to get her used to being on a budget & being responsible for her own purchases!
Could you let her make her own movie using tablet/mobile? She could either do lego/clay stop frame animation or her own music video - make her own MTV type channel or whatever takes her imagination. You could be her camera woman so can position yourself on the sofa to film!

That's a good idea we might even have some pots there's definitely compost .. Feeling a bit better now with some ideas lets just hope she doesn't come in a bad mood or on strike because she doesn't want to be here!!

I have a 10 ur old dsd and she loves loom bands. I was you tubing videos of different ones am actually really enjoyed makin them( sad I know) she was impressed I could do it, also the baking idea is a good one/ DSD loved it when we made cupcakes and she could take a couple for her mum / grand parents. Also night times usually good for a movie night nails / pampering. Maybe it's a good thing you get 1-2-1 time with her. She can getto know you on your own. DP told me the oter day that I have a better connection with his kid than he does but I think it's because in more relaxed and do stuff with them both. (He triesbut get impatient easily- not is fair just his character) hope you get/ got something planned. 2 days is a long one but even just le her do her own thing for a few hours could be good. You don't need to fill her time for the entire time and certainly spending a lot of money would be a no no if you can help it. Xx

I made lip gloss at my dds birthday party. Vaseline, food colouring, food essences and glitter. They loved it. I got teeny containers at an art shop.

Thanks all! We used to end up on our own quite a lot and have always got on fine it's just been very strained with her and her dad and mum lately and we used to do active stuff which is a bit out the window with the baby!

Stepped back a bit as last year she was all over me and it caused trouble with OH and MIL as she would sit talking to me ask where I was and come to me about stuff which didn't go down well... For some reason they think it's odd she gravitates towards the idiot that provides the entertainment committee !!

Same here alwaystryingtobeafriend her dad isn't apparently all that interesting at the moment but then he wouldn't know what band was what and his idea of fashion .. Well we leave him walking a few feet behind us in public .. ??

Just got to hope now ex stays in the house when I pick her up and she manages to be nice enough to her dad that peace is resumed.. Maybe if we are having a nice time a little chat about manners and not telling him she flat 'doesn't want to come round' might sort a few things out can live in hope anyway ..

Might pick up a paddling pool too she will pull a face but last year she loved soaking the dog in it!

Am just wondering if she would like to feel more included in the baby thing? Could you ask if she'd like to choose a small teddy for it, a few babygros etc? Just to make her feel part of it. Do you think she's feeling defensive in case her father suddenly might favour the baby (in her eyes)?

She has 9 other step siblings at home. She flat refuses to discuss the baby, talk about names or even look at the scan picture..

Her sister is one she never talks about her by name and says she's not 'her real sister' think it's fair to say she hates the idea so I tend to avoid the topic outside of normal conversation. We certainly don't go on about it as it makes OH frustrated how she is so i tend to avoid it if possible especially after the drama of late..

Oh I hope you get something sorted. Sounds like your doig a great job and it's not easy!! I thin we have to take rough with smooth etc but it's maybe just a wee phase she is going through. It could pass in a few months. She's only 11 - I was a horror at that age!! Not that it helps you much with your situation. Xxx

Lol please tell me you were good by 11 and a half?! I feel grey hairs coming through !! I think it's been a pretty constant phase for about a year or so now must be bonkers!!

Shopping for her dad's birthday???

I would suspect she feels VERY left out everywhere she goes. And don't NOT discuss the baby. She might secretly love to go with you to buy the baby a present specifically from her!!

I have often spoken to my step children about stuff if I feel they're out of order. It is non confrontational and without being emotional, which might be better than her dad doing it? X

Il try again it's a bit hard when she point blank refuses to discuss her other siblings.. it's very mood dependent what you can and can't get away with sometimes she's quite open and other times it's like pulling teeth!

I thought we should focus on her as we are trying to get her to come round but maybe should give it another go at trying to include her and see if that helps.. MIL talks about the baby alot in front of her and she will shut down or look at the floor ..

Yes we will go shopping for dads birthday she just doesn't like shopping for anyone but her so it's generally a bit of a stressful process normally involving her being bribed!

Here's hoping for a happy child who wants to be here rather than one it's mother wants a break from at the weekends again..!

Baking, looms, paddling pool, taking her out to buy her dad a birthday present - or finding something she can make him. Making him a card. Can she swim? Swimming or an open air pool or paddling pool type place? Make something for tea? Watch Frozen.

9 other siblings!!!

Mine's the same age and likes doing things that make it seems like she's one of the adults. Going out for a coffee (hot choc), for an ice-cream/cake, etc. I know what you mean about DSds that age gravitating towards you! Mine does it too - not v. v. warmly (i.e. she doesn't love me more than anyone else, or at all) but I think I just pique her curiosity/don't ignore her!

Good luck.

Well it was a success anyway of sorts! Yes 9 and no one works but that's another story...

Her company was more pleasant than her fathers and the outlaws at weekend as they all fell out with each other over dsd so we did our own thing!

She was vaguely interested in baby too and we made her mum nice birthday cupcakes even if she did drop them and we had to remove the drive from the icing!

The outlaws! I'm totally nicking that!!

Glad it went well. You are a saint to make her mum cupcakes.

They were dropped on the driveway.. We 'saved' them but it's quite possible some grit remained .. Karma is a bitch!