Tired

[Flowerpotgirl112]

Not written for ages as all had calmed down but need advice..

Me and dp have a 5 month old which is causing problems with his dss (9). I understand that he is feeling jealous and insecure, however I feel he is now using it as a bit if an excuse to be rude to me and I have said to dp that he needs to put his foot down and tell him off for his behaviour instead of dismissing it.

To give brief examples, my baby is not a great sleeper and tends to cry early evening before settling, dss will stand behind me mimicking a baby cry which agitates my dc more, I send him out the room so he does it in the door way, till I ended up shouting at him to go to the lounge, where he sulked for the evening. He refuses to eat anything I cook homemade, so me, dp and dsd have one meal and dp cooks him freezer food, I think thus is unacceptable and only recent. He is constantly rude to me and back chats me constantly and I am sick of it. It's all put down to the new baby but he has one on one time with dp, they talk on the phone most nights.

I think letting him carry on he will become worse. And with me expected to start doing the pick up and drop offs again (a long story) which I am refusing, it's all getting on top of me and slightly depressing.

Am I right in my thinking, or is dp right in thinking it will pass, although been going on since I was 3 months pregnant

That sounds horrible! I'm pregnant and we are going through a rough patch with OHs daughter. She's a little bit older but refuses to acknowledge there is a baby..

I'm wondering if we will have similar problems... I think mimicking the baby is totally unacceptable .. Where is oh when he's doing it? What does he say?

I think now the baby is 5 months it's definitely adjustment time over. I would be expecting OH to step in and talk to him about his behaviour. Babies don't sleep it's not the babies fault and I would imagine a 9 year old should be able to grasp this?

Sounds very much like jealousy but if oh is spending alone time I don't know what more that he can do. Does he have other siblings at home?

I have to do drop offs and pick ups I'm dreading this weekend as there has been a big issue with the ex so think it will be an uncomfortable trip. Don't blame u for refusing..

He doesn't generally do it when dp is around which makes it worse as sure dp thinks I'm exaggerating. He has a sister who is adores the baby and she is good and will tell dss to stop if he's being particularly bad to me but shouldn't be her doing it should be dp.

Thing is I know it probably is jealously but there is only so much we can do, they're here eow, he speaks to him daily and will if off during week go down and meet them for school and fake them out for dinner, when he's here it's made sure they get one on one time, it's getting to the point I dread the visits.

The things I use to do all the pick ups and drop off and it is a 4 round trip so was doing 8 hr drive a weekend, ex won't allow them on the train on Friday evening and will only allow weekend access to start from Friday, she did relent when I had my baby but now dp seems to expect me to start doing it again, but I don't think it's fair on baby to do that drive, so it was suggested that dp stays home and I do it but I refused saying why should neither parent make the effort for contact and it be left to me to do it, particularly when being treated badly, not happening. But being made to look a bitch by his family and ex, sigh, but that's a whole other thread.

*4 hour

Oh I could give war and peace by il save u that .. I end up doing a lot of dropping off/ picking up and have just posted as I've got all weekend pretty much on my own with child and need ideas of what to do!!

Ex never picks up or drops off we always do it and she insists it's from boyfriends an hour and a halves round trip away not hers which is 30 mins away..

Don't know what to say other than u are not alone I'm 7 months pregnant and huge it will be a long weekend!!

I would no way do pick ups and drop offs as my dh ex gf has come out and tried to physically attack me - despite I've NEVER spoken to her or properly met her... She's just crackers!

I think ss behaviour sounds totally unacceptable. If my own daughter acted like that she'd be in big trouble so I wouldn't stand for it from anyone. If you feel he's still getting time with dad and, let's be fair he already has another sibling if I understand rightly then I think it's an excuse to act like a brat IMO! If he doesn't the baby crying thing again just say calmly he's to go to his room and dad will let him know when he can come down... It's ridiculous. This is not what u need and he should not be allowed to speak to any adult in his life like that. Dp needs to step up and put his foot down. Good luck!

I feel your pain, was doing pick ups/drop offs at 9 months which was actually painful due to hips and back and was made to feel guilty if I tried to refuse, now stopped due to dc I am reluctant to even do it once as if do it will be expected every time, I've learnt that from experience, my dps exes refuses to do it unless we pay her a stupid amount. It's hard. Good luck for the weekend!

Also ladies - I'm in a similar boat (posted last week) and I'm due with dc3 in 3 weeks :-/ not what we all need at this point in our lives is it, but we've had this for years and probably will forever more...!! Wonder what it'll be like when they're grown ups? Be interesting to hear from someone ten years down the line who's had the same problems...

Wouldn't it? Wonder if we will in the future be evil step mothers or people who tried to care in a very shitty situation ...?

Thanks, I think he is being a brat and using dc as an excuse to be rude. He's horrible about my dc as well calling him ugly etc. which I know that dc doesn't have any awareness of but I don't want it to become a habit, he will also refuse to call him by his name and refers to him as it, which I pull him up on every time I hear him.

You're right dp does need to speak to him and start telling him off as seriously getting sick of it and feel protective of my dc and the unpleasantness that descends on the house when he arrives.

We've not got ss this weekend, after last weekend (without meaning to sound awful) I feel slightly relieved we haven't got him. Last weekend was hard work. I would point blank refuse ever to pick up or drop off but maybe if she was normal I would. I wouldn't even let my husband go and take our kids with him. She tried to get someone to put my car windows through one day we collected ss and I was 9 months pregnant with dd. its hard to accept a situation that has brought you so much misery.

Suspect we'll still be evil, however I use to have real trouble with my dsd who resented me being in her dad's life and thought that would be never ending but since she found out I was pregnant (was dreading her reaction) she totally changed towards me and has become the sweetest girl, she obviously has decided I am here to stay, her attitude literally switched over night and she adores her new brother. A year ago I would never have dreamed we would get on so well and I would enjoy spending time with her without any angst.

That sounds awful, we have problems with dps ex but more her being difficult and refusing contact or making it impossible but at least she's never been violent. I don't blame you not going there.

How terrible no way would I go! When we got engaged Dsd asked if the ring was fake because her dad is tight.. Mortgage, baby and years late we get on ok it's her and OH that clash he needs to find a bit of inner Disney dad from somewhere as the stepmother is pooped!!

I've read your previous threads in the past and you have been a bloody saint. You are right to say no more.

DH needs to address his son's behaviour properly and if that means he refuses to come any more then so be it until he can learn to be civil.

You aren't a taxi service. The DSC's parents need to arrange transport, you stay well out of it.

Aw that's nice you get on so well with sd. There is hope! I can't ever see our relationship massively improving coz he's in and out our lives all the time. I think he's only coming at the minute coz his mum has no one to have him on a weekend and her partners parents have their other kids... It changes from week to week... Very frustrating not knowing what's happening or what to explain to our kids.

So glad I've found this group, it's a god send being able to speak to people in the same situation.

I refused to routinely do pick ups, drop-offs and school runs for my DSD about a year ago FlowerPot. I gave DH and his ex notice; I told them around May I think that from September, I wasn't prepared to do it. I was pregnant at the time and had a toddler plus a 4 year old of my own to look after. My DSD went to a different school to my kids and the school run was taking my 3 hours a day in total. Like you, I didn't think it was fair on my other kids.

DH and his ex weren't happy but I stood my ground and in the end they had no choice but to work things out amongst themselves. I'm so glad I did it.