Children no longer accept partner

6 replies

herbertina · 17/06/2014 22:00

I separated from my husband 3 years ago and I have been in a relationship with my new partner for 2 years. My kids (who are now 7 and 10) met my new partner just over a year ago. They had a lovely relationship until we all went away on a city break together last month and my ds (7) heard me refer to my partner as my boyfriend. Since then he says he hates him and doesn't want to see him/go on the holiday we have booked for the summer. After having discussed with him, he says it is because he is not a 'relative' and he doesn't want his daddy replaced. I gone to great lengths to explain that his daddy will always be his daddy and nothing will ever change that. My DD supports DS now - her reason is that my Partner is older than me (19 year age gap) and that feels weird. I discuss it with them openly and they both clear that they like my partner but the replacing daddy/age thing (DS/DD) is a real issue. They were both crying this evening begging me to tell my partner not to come on holiday with us.

OP posts:

Misfitless · 17/06/2014 22:48

Are you sure that there isn't more to this than meets the eye?

It sounds like they might be making up excuses in order to hide other reasons for no longer liking him.

Was he with them alone at any point? Don't want to scaremonger here, but is it possible that your OH has in some way upset them, by speaking out of turn, or reprimanding them?

MummyA1984 · 18/06/2014 08:41

Do u think your dp is good with the kids? I really feel for you, this must be very hard. Are u still getting lots of time just u and the kids? I don't personally think u should uninvited him from the holiday unless you think it's in any way his actions that have unspent the kids. It's possible they're crying about it because they're not getting their own way. I hope you get it sorted.

Vikki4000 · 18/06/2014 21:02

Hi, unfortunately I think this is a fairly common reaction, but not one that you need to take heed of.... you deserve the chance to have a relationship with someone, and I think your children would struggle at some point no matter what age the person is, or how good they are with your children. I would keep to the holiday, keep expecting everyone to show respect and be nice to one another, and allow the children to express their thoughts and feelings but not be ruled by them.

Original poster

herbertina · 22/06/2014 01:59

Thank you for your comments. Since separating from their dad, I've always set time aside to discuss anything that they want to talk about. My daughter has always been candid with me - she thinks my NP is too old for me. But I can't defer to my children (isn't that right??) - I have to love and support them in the choices I make.

OP posts:

Fideliney · 22/06/2014 02:10

No you can't defer to children, although you must consider them.

When I saw;

My daughter has always been candid with me - she thinks my NP is too old for me.

I had to check back to see how old your DD was - I was expecting her to be 18/20. Candid with you!? Opinion on his age? She's 10.

Do you think they are repaeating ideas they are picking up elsewhere? Their dad or another relative? These sound like fairly abstract (adult?) objections.

If they like and get on with him, there isn't really a day to day issue as such is there? You just need to be clear how much of a say they get in your love life.

What would you say to other family membersexpressing concern about the age gap? Can you adapt that?

Fideliney · 22/06/2014 02:13

As in saying "I do my job as a mum looking after you two, but I choose my own boyfriends. They have to be nice to you two but everything else - age, height, hair clour, job - is my choice"

Flip