Hello everyone.
I am new to this forum and step parenting. I am feeling so low most of the time. I see a therapist who helps at times, but I have no friends here and no one to talk to. I'm hoping this forum will help.
I dated a man a some years back who had a 2 year old son which put me completely off step children. We broke up within the year as we argued all the time, his son would act up every time he stayed over and I just thought it is impossible to have a relationship with someone who has kids.
I met my husband 3 years ago, started out as friends and next thing we know it's more, the one thing that held me back was he is a father to 3, 2 of them living at home but the upside was one 19, one 16 so I agreed to move from England to America and we got married. By the time I got here the eldest son moved out. I figured this would work out because they are older and ready to leave the nest. How wrong was I?
The eldest son moved back in with his girlfriend in December. She came crying to me about their flat, how they are being kicked out, sob sob sob, so sweet hearted me (as my husband calls me) let's them move in. We had our ups and downs, me and my eldest step son but I had more trouble with the girlfriend! So when he broke up with her and kicked her out I was rather pleased! This didn't last as they got back together and he wanted her back. We started making arrangements to move her back in but then he had a huge fight with his younger brother (now 17) which then ended up the elder son not talking to any of us. This has been going on for months! He is now 20, talking to his brother but refusing to acknowledge me or his dad. I sit here thinking, it's because of me! I got so angry with him when the silent treatment began and wrote to him and his girlfriend stating a few facts. I had stuck up for him when no one else would, when he had the argument with his brother, I took his side, sat with him and listened to him, ended up in an argument with my husband because he didn't want to listen to his son, and yet here we are now with him blaming and cursing everyone and it hurt me a lot! I was so angry with his girlfriend for what she had been putting me through, telling me how bad his was, how she wanted to break up, on a daily basis and then would say but I want to move back in to be with him! So I told them no way was she moving back, I don't trust her!
Then we have the younger son who wants to move out. He's still in school, he's just got his drivers licence and he thinks he knows everything. He is a good kid but he annoys me when he gets on his I wants. My husband gives in all the time and will bend over backwards for him and I am often just going along for the ride. Yesterday he got upset with us over his friends. I told him I was sorry, and tried to fix my errors and I told him I'm new to this. But there are so many times where I think what did I do? Why did I sign up for this? Don't get me wrong, I love my husband with all my heart, I just wish he wasn't a dad at times. I have always wanted my own children and I have sat here and wondered if things would be different if we had children together rather than them only being his.
I feel like feeling this way makes me a bad person, and I want to have this family fixed again like it was before the eldest one moved back in. We spent 6 months getting to know each other and becoming closer and now he won't even speak to me or his dad.