Any tips for helping ds deal with dsd's visits better?

[Tory79]

Ds is 2.8 and ADORES his big sister. Unfortunately she is only here every 3rd weekend as we live a long way away, and for the last few visits I have noticed ds getting more and more worked up for the weekends she's here. It's like he's overexcited from the word go, he gets shrieky, tantrummy, kicks, shouts, cries.... All of which are fairly out of character for him.

Dsd is 8 and is fantastic with him, but I'm sure she finds him hard work at the moment!

Anyone dealt with similar and any tips on how to get ds to calm down a bit while she is here?

Can you not move closer so your DH/DP sees his daughter more than once a month? I think the novelty of her coming so infrequently means that your son gets over exited and a bit loopy with that over excitement.

No, moving is not an option

Can yiu Skype or facetime so he gets to "see" her in between?

Does the activity change when she is there? Do you do more fun things when she is there?

We do FaceTime her sometimes but she is rubbish at answering and that upsets him too!

Activity wise it's a reasonable mix, sometimes we do bigger stuff, otherwise (like this weekend) it's fairly mundane, go to soft play, see grandparents etc I think it's literally just her very presence that excites him!

Could be just that he's a bit young to understand the situation right now and it might improve as he gets older. Sorry - that's not very helpful.

lovely that he loves her so much though.

Hi, I know what you mean, we have a similar situation. I think it's partly because the toddler senses the adults slight nerviness/excitement/awkwardness around the contact weekend. Not saying you've got a strained situation but they're always very intense times. Not sure what to do about it - sorry!

I think that's just normal for a little one. I would look at the positive that he's excited to see her and doesn't get shy because he doesn't see her often.

Have you tried telling him he has to be calm because that makes dsd the most happy? or taking him out somewhere where he can run around and get tired?

I don't know what else to suggest then if moving "is not an option". Is there not anyway you can see her more frequently than once every 3 weeks as it is obviously the time between visits (in my mind) that causes your little one to be so very over excited by it all.

It's an 8 hour min round trip super, it's literally just not possible

I also know what you mean but I never really found a way to deal with it I'm afraid. We used to have DSD 50:50 in a week on / week off routine and on the days she was due to arrive DS (4 at the time) used to get very worked up, we actually got called into school to discuss it. He'd spend the whole day on the verge of tears or in tears. I never quite understood why, they got on OK. He's a fairly sensitive child and I think he just picked up on the change in dynamic / atmosphere of the house when she arrived and left. It's improved as he's got older and more confident. We also moved and see less of DSD during term time now.

Sounds like the visits are intense. Why not actively develop relationships with other close friends or cousin type relations on off weekends so that he is used to having other kids waltz in and out of his life....

I see the waltzing in and out as being the problem, and if you can't do anything to change that, then get him used to it.

I think what you are describing sounds perfectly normal (if a bit tiring). I was the same when my (half) sister came to visit, my kids are the same when theyir beloved older cousin comes to visit.

As your ds gets older he'll still be excited but able to deal with it better.

You could try putting in place a 'routine' for the visits - to include a quiet first evening, lots of burning off energy stuff for ds and some time away from him for dsd. That might help.