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Detachment - learning my lesson

5 replies

shey02 · 06/06/2014 12:32

Hooray I'm feeling positive! Finally dp's EOW has rolled around and my dc are also away on a break with family. So, I've taken the initiative and planned my weekend already with my friends and family without waiting for dp to ask me to spend time with him and his dc, or worrying about why he isn't or waiting around for him to fit me in. The two weeks between the EOW's really are bliss with him and my dc, so I'm gonna focus the future on that. And his EOW's, well he can have them. They've been such a source of stress because of the behaviour and attitude of dp's dc and dp's disney/guilt parenting that it was destroying me (I was letting it).

I feel such a load off and strangely he asked me to spend a night with them, which he never does and the old me would have jumped at it, would have been grateful for it, but there would have been a shitstorm at some point and it's never anyones fault but mine, not his, never their's... But I have plans, so basically I can't! Have totally accepted that they don't want a relationship with me and made peace with it. Feel so much better in myself and reading those books and talking on MN really has helped. :)

Watch this space for disgruntled boyfriend next week...! I will remind him that two weeks ago, he asked me to put up with whatever from his dc and give him a break. So basically he can put up with whatever and I'll enjoy my weekend and look forward to seeing him Sunday night...

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
BuzzLightbulb · 06/06/2014 15:28

You don't realise how much stress your under until it's gone do you? You just battle on in the belief it's a battle worth fighting.

The moment I decided to take myself out of the firing line I felt such an enormous sense of relief, and with the impending arrival of the DSC I'm just going to let DP get on with it.

If these were a group of DP's relatives or friends who came round periodically and behaved like this, we wouldn't let it happen would we?

Bit of a message to DP's and DSC's - be careful what you wish for, you might just get it.

shey02 · 06/06/2014 16:33

Amen to that. In in the abscence of discipline/support from dp regarding this stuff, I'm not putting myself in the firing line again. Cos it's like treading water, drowning and everyones just watching you!

If in the future he wants my support with his dc again, he will have to first support me and take their behaviour under control. Can't see that happening, so... will just enjoy our kid-free time, cos that is really magic. And the funny thing is, our home, mine and dc's is conflict-free pretty much and when dp is here, he's a great 'dad' figure to my dc, strong, confident, funny. But around his own (and because of their mother's hostility) he is different and struggles to 'parent' them. I do feel sorry for him because I love him, but the best thing I can do for me and our relationship, is to just cut myself out of the situation.

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TheMumsRush · 10/06/2014 20:52

That's fab! Enjoy Grin

Kaluki · 11/06/2014 10:27

Good for you!!!
Have a great stress free weekend!!!
Grin

shey02 · 11/06/2014 13:01

Thank you. Chuffed. Have been happier than ever in recent days, back to my old self and HIS behaviour/attitude is much better, much more loving, less anxious and the kids seemed better with me too when I did see them. Gonna stick with it, it's working for me. :)

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