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Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

not sure what to do

1 reply

clueless14 · 04/06/2014 23:16

My partner has a 14 year old son. He split up with his mother about twelve years ago and Maurice lives with his mother most of the time. We have spent holidays and the occasional weekend together over the recent three years and usually have a very enjoyable time. I have always perceived the relationship between my partner and his son as very warm and good. The mother of my partners son has decided to stop talking with my partner about 7 years ago once she met her new partner making matters rather difficult for my partner. Overall she has pretty much excluded my partner from any decisions since she has got custody and whilst Maurice is meant to spend every other weekend with his father this frequently does not happen since they have planned other activities. Maurice is a rather introverted kid and seems to avoid conflict at all cost. Whilst my partner has encouraged him to be open about what he wants Maurice has not been particularly forthcoming and does not answer any phone calls from his dad when he is at his mother. It is all quite confusing and upsetting for my partner. He has recently had a conversation with Maurice that he wants for example to be informed when he is not coming for the weekend and that he would like to be able to rely on what has been agreed but matters have got rather worse. I find it all very sad for both of them. I have so far stayed out of any conversations with Maurice. I feel at this stage that maybe I should be more proactive and also speak with him though I am not really sure. Any advice is appreciated.

OP posts:
wheresthelight · 04/06/2014 23:40

you may want to get MNHQ to edit your post to remove your DSS's name hun!

Unfortunately at 14 he is considered old enough to decide if he wants to see his father so whilst court is one option in order to establish clear boundaries and access it is still unlikely to resolve the situation.

Can you suggest to your partner that he tries to instigate mediation with his ex in order to try and resolve the issues or perhaps family counselling for the 3 of them?

if the "speak to him" refers to your DSS then i would urge you not to as it will not be welcomed and has potential to make things a whole lot worse. All you can do is support your partner and stand back and let it happen

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