Your DP's parents and the ex. Still in laws?

[BuzzLightbulb]

Just curious to know how many SP's 'in laws' continue that relationship with your DP's ex? Or maybe how many ex's think they still have in laws.

Or maybe even just shared grandparents?

Reason for asking is the school phoned today to say DSS had a small accident which might need medical attention. Really small, so small I was amazed they'd phoned, if it had happened at home you wouldn't have batted an eyelid, let alone put even a plaster on it!

They were after DP who I knew would not be able to answer her phone until after lunch. I told them DP's ex was looking after the kids, who I was and that I could collect DSS if ex couldn't.

Ex had already told us he was working from home all week which is 5 mins from the school but he rang DP's parents and asked them to collect DSS.

Ok I get the 'they're DSS grandparents too' but as I get on well with them I'd sort of assumed our blended family extended to the grandparents on DP's side too but no further. I don't have the equivalent situation with my ex to compare.

Learning experience maybe? It's perfectly normal?

Ex has a history of staying in touch with DPs parents, DP has told me when they first split up he would drop round uninvited to theirs, ask to borrow stuff like ladders and tools but never return them. Still has the family trailer with DPs number plate on it in his garage!

My DP's exW isn't really welcome at my DP's parents. They dont particularly like her. (although she is in a photo DP's monther has in her ;living room but it is hidden - only becasue it is from an important event in her life - nothing to do with the exW)

But I do know that my DP's exMIL has his photo still on her wall. Which for some reason really bugs me. They aren't together anymore.

As far as DP's kids are concerned the kids still have 2 sets of grandparents hers and his. So wouldn't be surprised if they were called over me to collect any of the kids.

I wouldn't worry too much ( unless I have missed your point)

xx

No it's just another one of those things where the ex should have stood up to his responsibilities but didnt. That bugs me as I've left work and made the journey home before and they aren't my kids!

I'd said grandma can drop DSS here to be picked up but DP has just told me her mum is now dropping DSS off at the ex's so he is at home after all. Just couldnt be arsed I suppose and luckily found someone to fill in for him even if it meant an hour round trip for them and not the 10 mins from his house. Miaow.

Just one of those little mysteries, like turning up at the after school club to collect when we have the kids to find them gone because dad has decided he has some free time. Had to talk to the school about that.

FFS taht would wind me right up. I hate wasting fuel and time. I have offered in the past to stay home and work if kids are ever ill and the ex may need to work etc.

But picking and choosing whenyou want to collect kids and pick up is bit of a nightmare for you. It mucks up routines and plans and any plans you had / thing you want to do.

think DP needs to sort it out though and come to a better arrangement.

Hope it get sorted.

xx

Bit of history to this.

Ex chose to work away from home and had his parents look after the kids. Made a big thing about how he'd agreed an arrangement to be home every other week.

Then told us he would be away Thursday and back late so no big deal we are only 5 minutes away and can cover.

Now I'm wondering how much of this is true? Not here today either.

My DH doesn't really speak to either of his ex in-laws. If anything major with DSD crops up (she lives with us) it's either he, I or either of our parents who sort it. DSD's mum has sporadic contact and the grandparents don't really keep in touch - which I think is a shame.

With the grandparents of his other 2 DC (who live with Mum) they're isn't that much contact either. It's basically just pleasantries if they attend the same event regarding the DC or passing in town.

It can be all ways I think.

I get on OK with my ex's parents and could quite week imagine asking them to collect a DC from school in circumstances like you describe.

My own parents think my ex is a bit of a twat really - though my ex is blissfully unaware of this!

My DP's ex never really got on that well with his parents and they have no contact now. DP's dad died recently but his ex didn't go to the funeral.

DP doesn't keep in regular contact with his ex MIL but she came to a show the DsC were in once and was ever so friendly to both DP and me, which was nice.

So depends a lot on personalities. I think also there's more reason for grandparents to try to stay on good terms with the parent their grandchils lives with - to help them stay in touch. And less need to keep up with the NRP.

My DSD's Mum will still call my in-laws for childcare but never sends them an Xmas card or passes the time of day with them unless she needs something.

They tolerate it because it means they get time with DSD that they wouldn't otherwise.

As soon as DSD is old enough to not need babysitting the relationship will cease to exist. I'm certain of that.

It doesn't bother me really. DSD likes going to my in-laws and they like having her. That's what's important.

The only time it did annoy me was once when she asked us to have DSD one weekend (her weekend) and we'd said no because we were away at a 'no kids' wedding. She said fine she's sort something else out. Then while we were at the wedding, my in-laws, who already had our kids called to say she'd dropped DSD off and told them we'd collect her when we were back from our wedding. First we'd heard of it! That annoyed me because it made us look bad. I'm fairly sure my in-laws believed us when we said we'd agreed nothing of the sort but still...

DP's ex still maintains a good relationship with DP's parents. She went to stay with them recently (DSS had been staying with them during the school holidays, the ex went to pick up DSS and stayed a couple of days herself. They live in a beautiful holiday location!).

It's not really a problem for me, to be honest. The contact and communication is mostly around DSS, though of course there is also a friendship there. But anyway, DP's parents live hundreds of miles away from where we (and the ex) live so it's not a day to day issue - I do wonder if we were in closer proximity and they saw each other more, if I might feel insecure.

The other issue is that while DP's parents and I get on fine, I don't love spending time with them myself, our personalities don't really mesh, whereas I can see that the ex is more the type to click with them. I don't crave a closer relationship with them, so I don't feel jealous about the ex's relationship with them!

We'll all be together next month, as we're all invited to the ex's wedding - DP and I, both sets of parents etc - we'll all get along fine, it won't be an issue.

They hate me. They totally blame me for the marriage ending and failed to see what a bastard their precious self pitying baby was.

We are civil when they drop the kids back but that is it. I can't stand his mother, never have done, she's always looked down her nose at me.

He crept round my parents for ages and they blamed me as well. Took a couple of years to convince them how awful he was but they saw it. They have nothing to do with him now.