Don't flame - stressed!

[FedupofTurkey]

So kids live with us 24/7. I try and leave Dp to deal with problems but sometimes I get fed up when somethings I think should be dealt with aren't. Don't get me wrong some things about dp kids are great, we get on, but they're not my kids and haven't been raised the way mine have. I'm not Disney and to be fair some of their behaviour is better than my kids. But help me de-stress and remind myself its dp job not mine to parent his kids. I constantly feel like my head is going to explode!

If they are living in your home then you have a right to discipline them but I do agree that dh should step up and do most of it. It is hard taking over being a parent to children who have been parented by someone else for most of their lives but it's your home so they should live by your and dh's rules.

Hope things get easier, being a step parent is hard work and something I would never chose to do again ( luckily dh's kids are now a lot older and only one is still at school, living with her mother ) ,there have been a lot of hard times, mainly decision making by dh and he often does what is easiest for him and causes less arguments.

My sympathies, fedup. Another 24/7 stepmum here. I've said it before, but I do think you have to be able to speak up and 'parent' in those circumstances - you can't live with kids as a family and not be able to be an authority figure. You most likely are parenting the kids! I do all the things for mine that a parent does, so I'm not going to draw a line at telling them off when they need it - although I do find that really difficult and prefer for DH to do it, I know that things would be better if I felt more at ease doing it myself so I try to be more assertive than I used to be (even if that sometimes makes me cross because I would rather not have to be the bad cop).

For me personally, it is useful to draw a line in my head between the things that directly affect me - like marne2 says, the house rules - and the things that don't have to directly involve me or my DD - how the DSC dress, e.g.

And yes yes Marne, the 'path of least resistance' parenting model - been there with DH too!

If they live with you then you have a right to pull them up. How old are they? Could you have a set of house rules that apply to all the kids so that you have an agreement as to what you can discipline over maybe?

To be fair to them they do do what I tell them and they have got better. I just get wound up at some of their behaviour and feel unable to vent (its caused problems with me and dp in the past) I suppose he feels I'm criticizing him, same as I would do if he vents at me about my kids). Although if each of us has a particular problem with each others kids we would both deal with it.

I just need to detach at times and relax

Yeah I know howith that feels! I think without my best friend and mumsnet I probably would have blown my top a long time ago!!

Fed up dsd lives with us ft and I treat her as I would if she was my own. DP and I parent and discipline together, sometimes he even brings her to me and tells her to tell me what she's done when he needs support. We will always supporteach others decisions even though dsd has started trying to come to me to get what she wanted (eg this morning she wanted a cereal bar for breakfast instead of cereal, dp said no but she kept nagging me for it and

i told her daddy said no and shetold me she wanted me to make the decision :p) but this never works we support each other 100%

I don't think I could step parent in another situation, I need to feel comfortable in my own home and that includes being able to discipline the kids in it.

I think you need to chat with your dp about this and about coming to a reasonable compromise!

Wound up by behaviour?

Oh yeah, there are times when they behave like a bunch of pack animals. I don't get it, and it does wind me up.

Often happens at the dinner table, and I've put it down to attention seeking but once one of them has started the others have to compete. Ever since I've known them its been obvious they're in a life long battle for DPs attention.

So it can be as seemingly innocent as reliving a mildly amusing moment, which then manages to become the most hysterical thing ever and screaming with laughter is absolutely essential.

Or anything one of them says is immediately put down by one of the others and the cycle and volume of pathetic insults ramps up.

Just usually evacuate the room when it happens. No audience they go quiet.