Being let down again

[HobinRood]

I know this most probably sounds petty to some compared to their own problems but I'm so annoyed.

DSD lives with us and just before half term came home with a letter for a school trip. She told her mum about it and she (mum) told DH she'd pay half as long as he can wait until the weekend just gone as that's when she next has money. Fair enough. Queue the weekend and DH received a text that she couldn't afford to pay half. DH text asking is there anything she can put towards it - even if she can give it by next week (it doesn't necessarily have to be half) and he was responded with: "No, I have a girls night out planned for next weekend so no can do."

This means that she has let DSD down again because she promised her she'd be staying there next weekend but also we've had to pay the full amount (which we would have if she hadn't had said anything) but it also means the meal I was meant to be going out for this coming weekend is now not happening as we literally can't afford to pay for the full school trip and go out for lunch. We also have 3 daughters ourselves together to support so money can be really tight with everything that has to go out.

That's really shitty of her Dm!! It really pisses me off when parents put their own entertainment above the needs of their kids!

To be honest we should have expected as much. DSD's relationship with her mum is so sporadic and it always seems to be on her terms when she wants DSD. From DSD perspective she's just eager to spend time with Mum so despite the huge upset each cancelled contact causes for her - she lights up when another is suggested eventually. Although, until then DSD often acts up because of the let down.

The latest episode is just slightly more raw because money is really tight at the minute. Aside from DSD and our own 3 daughters, household bills and such - DH also has 2 other children (different mum) who we pay maintenance for. It just all adds up. A little bit of help from DSD's mum for her own child would go a long way. But no, obviously her own personal life is more important than that of her daughter's.

Some people just shouldn't be allowed to have kids!!

Is the maintenance done via csa? Might be worth redoing the calculations again to make sure that you aren't over paying if things are tight hun!!

Do you get cb etc for dsd and maintenance from her Dm if she is with you full time?

Maintenance for the two who live with mum is done via a private arrangement. We do get cb and maintenance from DSD's mum - well the token £5. Other than that it's like getting blood from a stone for DSD.

Back last September we asked her to contribute something for DSD's school shoes as we bought the rest of the uniform. Her reply was to send her in a pair of trainers instead as uniform in primary isn't compulsory. As the others were starting in school shoes, we weren't about to let DSD feel like the odd one out by being singled and wearing trainers.

She's on benefits and half the time her excuse for not having dsd is because she has no food in the cupboard. Before now we've sent DSD with bits to eat at Mum's just so there's no excuse to spend time with her. But she's never short of money to go out on the piss...

DH might have to speak to ex1 about lessening the private arrangement as we're stretched. But we wouldn't have to if DSD's mum pulled her weight. So because of her selfishness it has a ripple on everybody.

Women like her give single mum's a really bad name!!

Check the csa website and see what he is obliges to pay and work from there hun! Every little bit helps and of he can present it in terms of csa say x but can iI pay y (assuming more than csa) as things are really a struggle at the moment and hope sheets reasonable!

My dsc's mum has no money issues but still refuses to buy school uniform or shoes etc despite the fact dp pays her over and above the csa amount! We buy a set for here and insist it comes back to us here and she can sort it out for them at hers! Mind she spends a small fortune in rover island every couple of weeks! Not sure she realised at mediation on finances that her bank statements would be sent to dp!

my OH's ex is like this with his 2 x DD's.

They go to dancing classes, and the arrangement was he would pay for all the class fees and she would pay for outfits and competition fees. When it comes to the time she NEVER pays up.

But what can he do apart from pay it? She knows she has him over a barrel as he would never let the 2 girls down.

It's bloody ridiculous - if she was the RP of DSD and DH acted in the same way she'd be all for calling him this and that - and rightly so. However, she seems to think she's an exception to the rule and has valid reasons for being so slack when it comes to coughing up for things and spending time with her daughter.

What everyone else said, and of course it's unacceptable. But I do know a couple of "ladies" who can have a night out on a bottle of lambrini at home and their bus fare out. So the night out may be a red herring - if she's as trashy as she sounds.

Didn't you post about this earlier in a different thread?

Need, I did post in another thread in another section of MN about how much DSD mum pays via csa for DSD but can still afford to go out despite not being able to help with any contributions towards her daughter.

Happy, it wouldn't surprise me if she didn't actually end up going out at all and stayed in with a few drinks. I don't begrudge the woman going out but she can't be saying I can't pay because I'm struggling yet still manage to go out. And well, refusing to pay anything towards something - using the reason that you're going out is bloody pathetic.

Sorry, yes I'm still annoyed.

Knowing dsd 3s mum I'm not surprised... especially as it takes a lot for a man to get custody so often the nrp is less than a a satisfactory mother if It's a woman!

But I am surprised that this woman didn't make another excuse, to blatantly say my nights out are more important than my child Is just horrible!