Hi everyone, really hope some of you can give me some helpful advice. Starting to feel like a really bad person at the moment. Sorry for rambling on so much.
I'm engaged to DP who has a 3yr old DD. I have my own 3yr old DS who is exactly 3 months older than DSD. I am 30 wks pregnant with mine and DP' s child which is due is August. We moved in together 3 months ago. DS lives with us but currently spends 2 to 3 nights with his dad. DSD spends every other weekend with us from 8am Fri to 6pm Sun but she also sees DP every Friday but only stays the night every other weekend, if that makes sense.
Basically I am really struggling with our different parenting styles and our different perceptions of each other's child.
DS is a quite quiet child who is normally very laid back. He never has tantrums and is very gentle with other children. He has struggled to play with other children as he prefers the company of adults but he's recently come a long way with his social interaction and now has a set of friends at nursery. He's quite a bright child and generally prefers being academic to pretend play. He gets very stressed around boisterous children and upset if another child hurts another child. I am not saying that he's a saint because he's not! He has his moments like any child but generally his behaviour is pretty good. His nursery have also said this. He is moderately dyspraxic and struggles with some aspects of physical movement.
DSD is very different which is understandable as all children are unique but I am really struggling with her behaviour. She is very demanding and always seems to be grumpy. It's all "I want!", "No!", "Mine!" etc. She can be extremely rude to both me, DP and DS but DP doesn't always act upon it but if DS speaks out of turn them DP will tell him off. She is also incredibly boisterous and will snatch toys of DS, knock him over and has also bitten him once. DS doesn't like playing with her because of this which upsets DSD and then DP gets angry with DS. The moment DS does something that DSD doesn't like she cries and comes running to DP and then DS gets told off. An example of the this is both kids were playing in the paddling pool and DSD kept splashing DS despite him asking her not to. When DS splashed her back she through a huge tantrum and told DP who then shouted at DS and made him cry. She also keeps accusing DS of doing things to her. She said DS had shut her hand in the door and DP had a huge go at DS until my friend pointed out that DS was with her in the garden at the time and nowhere near DSD, she then admitted that she'd shut her own hand in the door. They also have to share a room and she throws screaming tantrums every night and basically stops DS from sleeping in the room. The bedroom had become her room.
It seems to me that she can do no wrong and gets away with a lot but my DS gets told off all the time. I've tried telling DP how I feel but he says that my DS is a difficult child and that he's the problem and that he makes DSD cry. Poor DS thinks he's a really naughty boy.
The baby's due date is getting nearer and nearer and I feel like the whole family is falling apart.
All of my friends, family and DS nursery workers say he's a good boy and that he's not difficult. But my friends and family find DSD hard work and one of my friends has refused to have her child near her after she tried to bite them.
I love DP so much but I don't know what to do. I dread every weekend with the kids and have even started sending DS to his dad's to avoid DSD :-(