is this the end?

[Fooso]

After 5 years, buying house together, I'm about to throw in the towel. Despite numerous conversations, arguments and discussions my DP just can't seem to gel with my DS (14). Ive made lots of excuses, and looked for answers on here. Yesterday, my DP made a massive issue as my DS put his duffel coat in the wash, and then wanted to put it in the dryer. I said What is the problem!! he then started on about the amount of clothes he goes through etc! so what!!! he's a good boy and I can see that he will never please my DP despite him trying. I just can't watch it anymore. When he comes back from his dad's my DP says hi, but never asks how his weekend was etc and takes no interest in him what so ever. I just can't do it anymore. My 2 DSD's live with us and though I struggle with it all sometimes I do work hard to have a good relationship with them. My DP loves me very much and we are both devastated but I simply can't do it anymore. All sounds so silly, but it's been going on for years and Ive had enough....so sad...

I'm sorry, fooso. You've really been trying! It doesn't sound silly at all, I know just how the "little" things become these daily struggles to get through and it can begin to feel like the relationship is so much more work than pleasure.
Is this the end?

how are you today Fooso?

I remember reading your threads before, and commenting on them under a previous name.

I was thinking about this today. We are often given advice to detach, detach - but it seems to me that your DP has detached, and it has resulted in you feeling like this. Step parenting is a struggle from both sides - that of parent and step parent.

I do understand what you are saying, and it is the "little" things that kill the love little by little. So sad.

How do your family view your situation? Have they ever commented on your DP's lack of interaction with your son? How does your son feel about it? Is it that most of their interaction is negative, rather than that there is none at all? If there was positive, interested and caring interaction between your DP and your son AS WELL as the sometimes negative comments, then perhaps it wouldn't have got to this stage. That is down to your DP.

for you.

Thanks to you both for your comments. Shoppingfrenzy, you hit the nail on the head - is about balance with the negative vs positive. We had a good chat on Saturday - I laid it all out for him, and to his credit he took it all on the chin. Not shifting blame, but he had a pretty rotten upbringing with his mum (no bond etc) and I think he finds it difficult, but he said he will try and change and I suppose I can't ask more than that. It's not hard is it - even on Sunday, he said something positive to my DS about how smart he looked and it was lovely. My family don't see anything, they don't see us enough - they think my DP is a good family man... but as I said its the niggly little things that have built up. The odd thing, is my DS won't say anything bad about my DP. He is a happy boy and loves living as a family. x I wonder if I'm being over sensitive but I don't think so....

I understand what you are saying. Good for him taking it on board, but of course the proof is in whether he changes anything...

I hope he can. It's difficult - if your DP has no real relationship with his parents, it was never modelled to him how to be an involved, positive parent... And with a step child it's one step even further removed.

Good luck to you both.