Would you stop your dc/dsc speaking to their other parent?

[MsColouring]

Just that really. Ongoing issues with ex. My dd7 has her own phone which goes with her to her dads on longer periods of contact. Tried to phone her as promised - no answer. Tried her dad's phone. As you'd expect, when I didn't get an answer one day, I tried the next. So I couldn't speak to my DC for 4 days. Ex is accusing me of harassment for constantly phoning. If he's just let me speak to them for 2 minutes I would have left them alone!

I don't phone when they just go for the weekend.

I share my DS with my ex, and whichever house he is in, he speaks to the other parent in the evening. That is what he wants to do, therefore that is what we have always ensured happens. Has been that way for 9 years now, he is a teenager now, and still phones other parent every day.

My dsd7 get upset if he talks to her mum and gets home sick. We don't stop her but we don't encourage either

*she

Mumsrush, same.

Kids all have phones, couldn't stop them if we wanted to.

No phones at the table though so no massive impact on family life if ex does ring.

I'd be more worried if none of her friends could contact her either.

Same as mumsrush and an eight year old. She asked to not have calks either way as they upset her.

It's awful when you have no contact with your children for long periods but I tell myself that I'm the adult and if it's not benefitting dd, rather just me and my needs, then it's not worth the conflict.

My advice would be to stay busy and set aside some lovely chat time for when they return

DSS (9) doesn't have his own phone, but if he asks to phone one parent while at the other's house it is never a problem, he can do it whenever. It doesn't seem to upset him or anything. He usually does it when he wants to share exciting news or something.

Sometimes there will be weeks where DP doesn't hear from him at all, other weeks DSS will want to phone him every day. It's usually less of an issue the other way round as he only stays with us for weekends so less time to miss his mum.

DSD is 8 and phones whatever parent she's not with every Wednesday and Sunday. It's a fairly recent arrangement. Before that there was very little in the way of phone contact because DSD didn't want it. When she was much younger, like 5/6, she used to hide when either parent called!

The kids never speak to either parent when not with them here. Though the older ones do text dp when they have credit or speak to him on fb. Dsd 3 who lives with us doesn't contact her mum when she's not visiting. But the twins mum and dp split when she was pregnant and dsd 3s mum and dp split when she was a baby so they have grown up being separate.

The option is always there that either parent or child is welcome to phone whenever they want to. However, we do draw the line of phone calls at the dinner table. If their Mum phones them we ask her to phone back in half hour or so as we're sitting down to eat. The same goes with the DSC - if they ask to phone when at the table we postpone it until everyone has finished.

I too have a DSD who lives with us, Alita, and it's pretty much the same. To be honest, DSD's relationship with her mum can be very sporadic.

My dc used to get a bit homesick if I called, so it became counter productive and I felt not fair on my ex either. Been divorced 6 years now and they're older, but I'm still in the habit of NOT calling, unless they call me. And I think my ex has always appreciated the fact that I leave them to it and don't interfere.

On the other hand, my dp's ex is continually on the phone to the dsc when they are with us and boy does it lead to a monumental breakdown in behaviour/moods. Just saying, each to their own, but there's defintely a vote from me towards leaving the dc in peace to enjoy whichever parent they are with. Unless of course where big gaps of non-contact exist and phone is the only option.