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Step-parenting

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Dsd has written a letter

4 replies

onionlove · 29/05/2014 19:56

Its a long story, ive known dsd 10 years, she is 14, dh and her mum have never talked, we've had lots of problems over the years mainly due to everyone treating her like a victim, we've now got 2 dcs 4 and 2 and keep me manically busy so i let dh focus on her, ive been told by him countless times he doesn't want my opinion.
anyhow we are separating, due to his infidelity over the last year with a prostitute, whilst i was clearing his stuff i found a letter from her posted this week saying she didn't want to see him anymore she said he didn't answer phone, didn't pay pocket money on time etc, she slated our house and our rules and said she was upset we didn't have her school photos up, have never even seen one, there are also things i have told him numerous times he should do like take her on holiday decorate her room ec and stupid things lik she didn't like my dcs using her pens without asking. The thing that pissed me off is she said dhs mum is upset we don't visit them and that i have isolated him from his friends and family, i am livid! His mum has always seen me as the other woman and after inviting them to our house numerous times we gave up when invite never got returned i have had one meal in their house in 10 years, dh said t me "they don't like me so they wont like you" as for his friends ive asked loads of times if can get to know them and their families but they are drinking buddies who have spent many a night crashed on my living room floor but their wives and girlfriends have never bothered to get to know me because of the tittle tattle gossip they prefer to do.
i know its not an issue now because dh is moving out soon and i will never be involved with her again but it pisses me off I'mbeing blamed for this situation when i cant answer, ive a good.mind to contact her mother with a few home truths as in sure dh will lie to protect himself and blame me i am so angry!

OP posts:
doziedoozie · 30/05/2014 07:09

People believe what they want to believe according to whether it fits their image of themselves.

And if they are lacking self esteem and niceness they will blame every problem in their lives on someone else. Infuriating, but it is evidence that they can't 'handle' life well themselves, so tell yourself to pity them rather than be angered by them.

If you contact her she will see it as proof that you are a troublemaker/ selfish etc etc so pointless.

Congratulate yourself for getting away from a nest of vipers and fixing your life.

TeenageMutantNinjaTurtle · 30/05/2014 07:13

Nothing you can do or say will change their minds. You are best off out of it. Good luck with your life now you're free of the loser!!

CountryGal13 · 30/05/2014 13:39

Really sorry about your break up. It must be extremely hard for you.
I really don't think the comment about you isolating him from his friends and family has really come from this 14 year old. It sounds to me like she's repeating what she's heard others saying about you, such as her mother or grandmother.
I also have teenage step daughters and we also received a similar letter (email) from one of them. It went something like...you don't care about us anymore now you have another family. We don't like how you have to check with Daisy if want friends to stay or to change our days with you. Daisy has lied to people and pretended that we're not your children (seriously!?) ect ect. I actually did respond to this myself because I felt like I had to set the record straight before any of us could even think of moving forward. However, in your case I would just leave well alone and just believe that you're well out of all the drama and their lies.
All the best for your future Xx

CountryGal13 · 30/05/2014 13:39

Really sorry about your break up. It must be extremely hard for you.
I really don't think the comment about you isolating him from his friends and family has really come from this 14 year old. It sounds to me like she's repeating what she's heard others saying about you, such as her mother or grandmother.
I also have teenage step daughters and we also received a similar letter (email) from one of them. It went something like...you don't care about us anymore now you have another family. We don't like how you have to check with Daisy if want friends to stay or to change our days with you. Daisy has lied to people and pretended that we're not your children (seriously!?) ect ect. I actually did respond to this myself because I felt like I had to set the record straight before any of us could even think of moving forward. However, in your case I would just leave well alone and just believe that you're well out of all the drama and their lies.
All the best for your future Xx

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