OMG! DSD is back! Wtf?

[BuzzLightbulb]

So, after all the angst over DSD 16's behaviour, and reconciling ourselves to a break to give us all space.....

Tonight after I get home with DSS from football training I'm told DSD is upstairs, when I ask if she is just collecting stuff I'm told no she's staying.

So despite everything, and despite the two if us apparently working together on this, I have no say whatsoever.

We had agreed what the conditions were for her to set foot in the house again, none of them have been met and here she is.

So the consequences of her actions are what? One night at her dads where presumably she was the centre of attention because of her self imposed exile.

I have no idea how I feel about DP's actions, it feels like utter contempt for what we agreed and that I may dare to have delusions about having any say as to what happens in my own house.

All the crap, all the tears, all the late nights sat up trying to find a way through it all. For what?

I still haven't come to terms with what DSD has done and the things she's said. I can't look her in the eye, and I can't find a word to say to her. I have no grasp of how to deal with her being back.

Should I ever have even hoped to be considered in all of this? Or do I just have to shovel the shit and get on with it?

I don't know the background to all of this but I don't agree with dh just sweeping it all under the carpet and not deling with the issue at hand.

I would try and leave it for tonight but no, I wouldn't leave it go.

What a massive betray of trust and how inconsiderate to not even discuss this with you. I'd be seriously questioning my place in the house if I were you. Draw a line op, how much are you willing to accept?

I even asked on the way home if I could expect any nasty surprises, at 5.30 the answer was no.

I'm absolutely intrigued as to how that changed so dramatically in two hours.

DP says she's not prepared to lose a daughter. I'm fairly convinced she wasn't about to, but she may just have got herself a daughter who thinks she's invincible!

Oh buzz I know exactly how you feel. I've been through this before too. We talk and talk and decide this time it's really bad and dsd WILL be made to see that we won't stand for it then kaboom - she's back and my DH is just so grateful he forgets all the shit me and dd go through every time.

He says it even shocks him how quickly he forgives and forgets but that if it was me and my dd is be the same. He feels guilty that he picked a shite mum for her and that's why she's like she is so she gets a fools pardon.

Can you ask him when the conversation about punishments is going to happen and remind him if the boundaries/ punishments you have discussed?

Could have sworn I'd hidden this thread in case prying eyes had seen me vent my frustration in public!

Happy, I've been told all those conversations WILL happen but they ahven't happened yet.

And frankly I'm not ready for them. I'm not even ready to go home after work knowing she'll be there.

That really sucks buzz.

I hate the advice that we as adults should go out just to avoid these children but in this instance could you visit a friend after work and give your DH the expectation this he will be putting what you've discussed in to action?

Or do you need to be there to know the discussions happened in the way they should?