i used to be stepmooster, but i changed my name. I dont know if anyone remembers any of my old threads. My DSS mum remarried 2 years ago, and they sold up the FMH and went to live with him 1 year ago, about 40 miles from where they used to live.
From sale of FMH his mum got 120k which was supposed to be used to go towards a new home if DSS was under 18 (mesher order). For reasons we cannot fathom DSS was sent to secondary school where they used to live. His mum assured everyone that DSS attendance would not suffer. Anyway she will not consent to him going to a local school near to his home as 1) his stepfather wont let him be a latch key kid and 2) she still works local to DSS school and she can take him and collect him each day.
The problem now is, DH was signing DSS contact book for homework and noticed a letter stuffed in there about DSS poor attendance. His attendance is below 90% and this is not good enough for his school. Each instance of late arrival at school in morning is being recorded as unauthorised absence. The letter explains why attendance is important and consequences of poor attendance, automatic detentions and even saturday detentions.
Each late arrival has had to have his mum state a reason why, it is recorded in the contact book and DSS finally let DH read through it all, he's trying to protect his mum you see and is upset. some of the reasons are as follows: Bad traffic x many, a flood, my other child (17 yo) had a hospital appt so DSS had to come too before I could take him to school, I was ill and couldn't take him to school etc...
DH is now trying to get a phone appt with head of year to find out what 90pct poor attendance means, and whether or not he can go and see them to discuss further.
We are also moving near to where DSS used to live, it was going to be in the same local authority but london housing market went nuts and we have had to move just outside of london but as close as we can possibly be. This is still half as close to school as DSS is currently with his mum. This means DH can take DSS on monday mornings, and DSS is only a short train ride from one home, where as at present he is about a 3 hour public transport ride from his mums and school.
This move is to mean that DSS wont have to do horrific journeys across London eow, it was not meant to be so he could switch his main residence. Although DSS can if he wishes but I doubt he will.
Also this weekend, DSS was instructed by his mum to tell DH that she is financially ruined, that they have no money, that his stepfather is not working and they are really struggling to live. DH couldnt believe this to be true, that 1) she would ask her son to do this (and for what reason?) and 2) that she has spent 120k in one year. It's gone on 2 new cars, 2 foreign holidays, whole new house of furniture and a new wardrobe of clothes for everyone.
Anyway DH asked his ex if this is true and it is apparently, he thinks they are gearing up to ask for some big financial favour.
The whole thing is a giant worry, and yes I can detach but what on earth will happen if DSS school attendance doesn't improve will he be expelled? How is that even fair when none of it is his fault.
Also my gut reaction to any big financial ask from the ex is to not help her. She had a lot of money that was supposed to go towards housing her son, but instead she blew it all. DH is worried that if they can't afford to pay her husband's mortgage (and this has happened in the past prior to their marriage, he is not in steady employment), they will become intentionally homeless. Although I don't know anything about that, and I am not sure DH really does either.
I feel really sorry for DSS I just cannot believe he is being involved in worrying financial discusions at home, and now having to go to saturday detentions. None of this is his fault.
what would you do in this situation?