DSD's property at her mother's

[ThePerUnaBomber]

Request from DSD, who is watching the thread. DSD lives 100% of the time with us (DP, DS and me) and only sees her mum a handful of hours in the year - all very traumatic and usually ends in a gigantic row. She lived with her mum part of the time until about a year ago. Her mother has, since then (June 2013), refused to give DSD various items - passport, bike, books, clothes, DVDs/CDs etc. She is 14 - does she have any legal right to demand the return of those items (in particular passport and bike which DP paid for)?

DSD just called 101 to log it, but the person on the other end seemed very confused as to why a child did not live with her mother and said, "if you are in her house, you have to abide by her rules", whilst at the same time saying, "you should just take it next time you are at your mother's", which seems a bit contradictory (which DSD pointed out!). They have logged it and she's going to CAB after school tomorrow, on the advice of the sergeant it was referred to.

For clarity, DP receives the child benefit for DSD and her mother is in arrears (refuses to pay) with the CMS for DSD since December when DP won the long drawn out child benefit appeals process.

Thank you for your thoughts. I have posted in legal as well.

I think your DP could declare her passport lost and apply for a new one for her. Though he'd have to pay again.

Other than that I don't know, though rather suspect anything bought by her mum for DSD (even if with her Dad's money) would be technically her mind but could be wrong. Hope CAB are some help.

Thank you, that is a good idea. Poor DSD2 will be stuck when it comes to our summer holiday if their mum continues to withhold the other passport as she lives with her mum most of the time. DP and DSD won't travel without her though.

The bike was bought by DP after the divorce, but ended up at DSD mother's after a camping weekend last May. Haven't seen it since!

I have no idea what to do but can only offer you and your dsd hugs and hope it is resolved.

Hmm I could be wrong here but... I think that the child's passport normally is kept at the RPs house. On my DSDs contact order it has this stated and also that the surname is not be changed without x,y,z built into the format of the order (as though it's generic). My take in it was that these two issues must arise so often that they are included on the format of a contact order. Happy for someone in the know to correct me though

No idea about the other things my gut reaction is (although annoying) is to replace the items as you go along. If DSD finds dealing with her mum traumatic it may just not actually be worth the heartache. Things are just things (although I'm sure your DSD won't see it that way).

Good luck with it I'm sure it's not easy.

Oh no just re-read your DP bought the bike - I'm sure that it has to be returned then. No idea how hope it all gets figured out.

yes report the passport as lost and get another one.. it's the easiest way.

the bike? Well is it really worth it at the end of the day.. they're just things, they can be replaced.

Thanks - we have said to her that we can replace all the things - but the passport had us stymied. As DP is RP, we can sort that tomorrow. DSD is happier now she knows that :-)

I think technically the passport is the property of the Passport Office, so maybe call them?

My DH's ex once claimed that DSD's passport "belongs to me and is in my name". It was pointed out at court the passport was actually in DSD's name and remains the property of the Passport Office.

DH now has an arrangement whereby the passport travels with DSD; when she moves from Mum's house to Dad's house, the passport goes with her. We know of other families where the child's passport is held at a solicitor's office and then released for agreed holidays. All a bit of a nightmare but needs must I guess...!

Thank you. DP calling Passport Office at lunch today.

Poor DSD got off the phone with the police and said, "Why can't I have a normal mum, why is she a narcissist?". So it's not really about the things, it's the growing realisation that she can't ever have a basic, conflict-free relationship with her mum, when she had hoped that some time apart would solve the problem. She's been doing a lot of reading about NPD recently.

We have said all the things she is missing (she will have grown out of all the clothes and shoes by now anyway) will be replaced over time and more quickly once the CMS enforcement of payment kicks in.

How did DP get on OP?

Hope DSD is feeling ok. Must be tough on her.

We're holding fire for now. DSD tried to drop in to CAB on way home but they were closed. We are going to replace all the items and see if the passport is handed over before we go on holiday. We have been given some of the passport details for both girls so we can be pre allocated seats together, but remains to be seen whether those are in fact the correct details... (same date of issue, different expiry dates in same year...) fun and games all the way.

Your poor dsd!! My heart goes out to her!

Personally I wouldn't leave it til the last minute to replace the passport! Speak to the passport office and perhaps a family law solicitor and get some official advice.

Hope it all gets sorted but it sounds like she has a great step mum!!