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Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

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Original poster

are my husband's ex wives nephews still his nephews?

38 replies

amandajs99 · 16/05/2014 09:46

There's a lot more to this but I'll be brief. My husband and I were married last year after he divorced his ex, I am step mother to his children and all parents get on very well. However, he wants to go to NY to stay with his ex in laws and refers to his ex wife's brother's children as his nephews. I have no problem at all with him visiting them, I'm a little disappointed as he's made no effort to see my nephews or neices but I'm pretty sure that they are no longer really his nephews? Perhaps I'm hoping that he focuses more on his new extended family now.

OP posts:

AngelsWithSilverWings · 16/05/2014 17:40

If my DH and I split up my nieces ( DH's sister's children ) would still be my nieces. Apart from anything else they will always remain my children's cousins and will always be part of my family.

I would always want to maintain a relationship with them.

Trinovantes · 16/05/2014 17:40

You have a very odd idea of family, HygieneFreak. I'm with the OP's DH on this, and think it's great that he can be so amicable with his ex's family. That must make things so much easier for their kids.

OwlCapone · 16/05/2014 17:53

So, HygieneFreak, by your reasoning he should have nothing to do with the OPs nieces and nephews as they are absolutely nothing to do with him.

HygieneFreak · 16/05/2014 17:58

He shouldnt be going out of his way to spend time with his ex wife's family no.

If you see them in passing, of course let on etc,

But as for actively spending time with them out of choice, its weird.

My step father married my mum, he didnt keep in contact with his ex wifes family, certainly didnt see her nieces and nephews as his anymore.

Two of my aunts have got divorced over the years, both had children with their ex husbands. We never saw either of the ex husbands again, even thought they saw their children regularly.

TequilaMockingbirdy · 16/05/2014 17:59

Emotional bonds don't just break because the marriage has.

Trinovantes · 16/05/2014 17:59

Eh, I prefer the DH's way. Much nicer, and not weird in the slightest.

MarathonFan · 16/05/2014 18:09

Hygiene - it depends entirely what kind of Uncle he's been. My DCs know and like my sister's DH. We see them a handful of times a year and he's perfectly pleasant to them but they wouldn't miss him if he wasn't around (or he them, I imagine)

My Aunt had a boyfriend from when I was 7-14 and they did loads with us. Babysitting regularly and taking us out for day trips etc. If I'd been a boy it might have been him rather than my Dad that I had my first "growing up" conversations with. I was devastated when they split up and missed him a lot. He didn't keep in touch but it is admirable that the OP's DH wants to IMO.

DavidArchersBoa · 16/05/2014 18:12

My nieces still refer to my xH as "Uncle xxx" and still sends cards and presents and comes to see them if they vsit. I think it's nice. Speaks well of a man I'd say.

I still see my lying cheating wanker ex's family if I'm nearby. They didn't do the dirty on me, he did. And I love them

MarathonFan · 16/05/2014 18:16

Ahh, I've just re-read OP.

No reason at all why he shouldn't keep in touch with his "ex" nephews and visit them if he wants to. But it would be odd to go to NY without his new wife IMO. Is that the issue OP? If Dh had the time and money to go on a fab holiday, I'd expect to be going with him.

OurMiracle1106 · 16/05/2014 18:20

Its how he feels about them that matters. My best friend daughter is my niece as far as I am concerned and yesterday she asked her mummy if she could call me auntie. I love her just as much as I would do if I were related to her and do spend a lot of time with her (and her mum)

needaholidaynow · 16/05/2014 18:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lunar1 · 16/05/2014 19:08

My sil is an aunt to my boys, I cans imagine that to ever change even if she were to divorce my brother. She has been there for all the big moments in their lives. She is just as much their auntie as my db is their uncle.

riverboat1 · 16/05/2014 19:21

I'm a stepmum and I think I can understand where you're coming from - I know I'd find it tough if DP continued to have a strong relationship with his ex's nephews and showed no interest in forging a relationship with my own.

I think the issue isn't the fact that he regards them as his nephews, so much as the fact he isn't making an effort with YOUR family.

My biological aunt and her husband divorced in their 50s. I have maintained a better relationship with him than with her, we just have way more in common and to be honest, I like him more than her. He is still part of our (biological) family more than she is, to be honest, my mum and dad see way more of him, their brother in law, than they do of her, my mum's biological sister. Sometimes personalities / relationships just click, and friendship and common traits can be way stronger than biological ties.

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