What do you call a Dsd if you've split with her Df?

[xpatmama]

Just that really. Probably was SM no. 3or 4. She was a teenager when we were together, now early 20s. Bumped into her with a friend and me and Dsd were both kind of joking that she was my ex Dsd, but that doesn't sit too well with me? Ie does that relationship survive a breakup - she's also my dcs dsis of course..

Yes true need. It also made me think what kinds of relationship we should be aiming for... Might be different if she didn't have both parents I spose!

I have the same issue, though we are separated, not legally divorced yet. It is all very messy, but she is still technically my step-daughter. She has her own mum, a new half-sibling and does not live locally, so would not step on any toes. I guess my view is that the door is still open to her; but to explain to people, I would say she is my stepdaughter from my previous marriage.

I would say she is DCS sister and I would want to keep the relationship going in some way as your DC will probably want to later .

I find it really hard to know! Dsd lives with me but I'm not with her Dad. If I call her my oldest, in some situations when talking about her childhood I then have to end up explaining that she's my exh's dd.

On the other hand I do consider her my responsibility and want her to know and feel she's a permanent fixture in my life, so if she is with me I don't want to say she's my dsd.

She too has this - she refers to me as mum to new people. But then talks on other occasions to the same people of her mum and they think we are the same person, and they end up confused as her mum and I are so poles apart - so she ends up explaining.

So in conclusion I don't have the answer!

I still refer to my ex's dd as my stepdaughter when I talk about her to people who don't know her. Otherwise I call her by her name.
I think 'ex stepdaughter' sounds horrible!

That's exactly it kaluki, we we're kind of joking about it but afterwards I was thinking it's just a bit wrong. I may just ask her :-)
But these things are so complicated sometimes ...!

I called my ex's DDs my SDs when talking about them to anyone else, and they are named in my will as such. However between ourselves we have always just used names. Incidentally, I wanted my DS to yes my name too so everyone was the same, however it didn't happen.
My DH also has children's so I gave 2 further SC, get rather confusing at Xmas time!
What not ask them what they want to be called?
I agree with kaluki, ex- sounds horrible. I had a friend who kep referring to her ex-MIL. Given that I knew the woman quite well, and would refer to her by name if I mentioned her, I found it really odd.

A tip I learned from a friend with a ridiculously complicated family is to call everyone by name as much as possible.

Close friends will know how everyone relates to everyone. But most of the time you don't really need to say "my stepdaughter" or anything - you can just say XX is coming round to tea. Or whatever. And let people form their own conclusions.

If you have to explain how she relates to you I'd go for "She's my ex's DD" or "she's [name of ex]'s DD" if they knew your ex.

I have a step-gran who I still call my step-gran (or even just my gran for simplicity) even though my granddad died over 10 years ago. But if you call her your stepdaughter, I think people would generally assume you're still with her father.

Or "she's DC's half sister" would work by way of explanation.