My dp wants to buy 11 year old an iPhone

[thebluehen]

His main reason? She might actually use it to answer his calls and texts.

Currently she owns her second mobile phone. We pay for it and the contract.

She uses it to stay in contact with mum only when she's at our house. It is nearly always switched off when dp phones her on it or it rings out and he is never phoned or text back. We have a court order which states we must provide a mobile phone for her to enable dp to have phone contact at set times.

When asked why she won't keep it charged at mum's or turn it on, she says she "forgets" but has it glued to her side when at ours. She has denied that mum is blocking contact.

I think his reasoning for wanting to buy her an iPhone is skewed and at best will make no difference to the current level of phone contact and at worst, will teach her that not keeping in contact with dad, is rewarded with a very expensive phone.

I agree with you on this.

It could also be that shes not really bothered about talking to her dad when at her mums

Nope. Sorry. 11 is too young IMO.

ds2 is 2 and just got an iphone, but its my brothers old one, as he now has the 5s from contract renewal. I don't think I would buy one or get the latest version. If the mum is blocking contact, surely she will do the same with the iphone as well, im not sure this will stop mum doing what she is doing currently.

I wonder if she is blocking contact....
dsd 1 nearly always has her phone confiscated for being naughty and dsd 2 is always looking for her charger which her mum 'looks after' as her step siblings always take and loose it...

Buy her an iphone or don't buy her an iphone (I think either is quite acceptable for an 11 year old). Android phones are much cheaper though.

But don't buy her any phone that is conditional on her phoning her dad at appointing times or answering his calls. Especially if you have reason to think she's under pressure from her mum not to do so. That's just going to put loads of pressure on her, and create the fuel for arguments in the future. Parents are supposed to be there for their children when they need them - not to be needy themselves. If she's feeling independent and doesn't need to speak to her dad today, why should she?

Is the phone she already has a smartphone? If so I can't see any reason why she'd be more likely to answer an iphone. If it's not, then it is possible (as smartphones are more fun so teens keep them on them in a way they don't with basic phones in my experience) But still unlikely if you say she always has her phone on her at yours.

Is the phone actually switched off when your DP calls? That's a bit odd - would suggest that her mum isn't just blocking contact between her and her dad, but is withholding the phone for some other reason - unless she is genuinely poor at remembering to charge it at her mum's.

She has said that her charger goes missing at mums. We have bought her three new chargers in the last year.

Might just be disorganised at mums but at ours, she is the most organised child I have ever met. I have to nag the 16 year olds more than her in the mornings.

Well I think it's a bit suspect if her charger goes missing... I would think it's nothing personal if it's always off.
I doubt a new phone would make a difference! Don't waste the money!

Don't buy it!!

Does one of her siblings nick her charger at her mum's?

Can't think of any other reason why it would go missing there and not at yours.

My feelings are that if he genuinely wants to buy her a new iPhone for the right reasons, then that's up to him but I think doing it to try and "buy" his dd love is all wrong.

Purple, her siblings all have iPhones, and use a different charger.

I understand from dsd, her mums phone uses the same charger though.

She might just keep losing it at her mum's I guess.

Different households have different systems for where you keep things like chargers. At ours we're very strict on all the things like that staying in people's rooms (as they get too muddled up otherwise) But some people don't like children charging devices in their bedrooms because they spend the night online. So could be she's told to leave the charger downstairs at mum's, and then it gets lost or her mum thinks it's hers and puts it somewhere else....

But I'm with you - if he wants to buy her one and can afford it, then fine. But he shouldn't be expecting it to make much difference to how much she contacts him, and certainly shouldn't be trying to bribe her with it.

I don't believe in getting children big presents unless it's their birthday, christmas or they need it for something. So if her phone works unless you're absolutely minted I don't think it's necessary!

I firmly believe that phone contact should be if and when the CHILD needs it, not because the adult needs to speak to the child and buying an Iphone with conditions that the child has to answer when the parent calls is just crazy.
Don’t assume that the Mum is always blocking contact. My dc know they can phone their dad whenever they want but they just don’t, unless they need to speak about a specific thing. My DSC on the other hand have to speak to DP every night at a set time as part of their contact order and it is the most painfully stilted conversation as often they have nothing really to talk about. I wish this bizarre ritual would come to an end and they could speak on a more ad hoc basis, but sadly the contract –bible—must be obeyed at all costs, however ridiculous.

Kaluki that's horrible! How old are they? Surely they should be allowed to be too busy or not be bothered, it's one think for an order to say contact eow or whatever but seriously, to have to phone every day is horrible on the kids, It takes away the wanting to talk to dad...

Why can't he phone her on the landline? Am I missing something?

They are 9 and 12!!
The call must be made within a 15 minute time slot. It's so ridiculous that if DP picks the dsc up at 5pm for a weekend his ex will call them at 7 for her phone call and when he drops them off at 5 pm on Sunday he calls them at 7 for his allotted phone call!
No wonder these kids have issues!!!

DSS even had to call DP from his residential school trip at 7pm each night as ordered by the almighty contract!!!
The landline is off limits - DPS ex won't allow him to have the number. They have 2 mobiles - one for each parent to call on!!!

Wow just wow kaluki. I hope that gets stopped before they're teenagers! Does the mum actually support that???? I think for them to call twice a week or whenever they want is reasonable but seriously who came up with that system!!!
I'd be back to court...

My dp used to call his kids twice a day. 6.30am and in the evening too!

Ex put a stop to it. Unfortunately she's never supported the twice/three times weekly, more sensible, phone contact the court ordered.

He's never expected them to phone from a residential trip though!

My kids all have expensive Iphones, newer, nicer than mine, I don't care at all. All provided by their father. It's just a phone, handy for facetime and at comp. they all have them. They really do take it for granted and before long it will be being used in the bathroom, getting food on it, near misses in the washing machine, dropped down the stairs... So long as Dad doesn't expect them to treat it as an adult would as an expensive piece of kit and as long as he pays the insurance or will happily replace it if it gets nicked out of a school bag, I wouldn't worry. P.S. Won't make a blind bit of difference to contact, soz.