child support

[Tiggywinklespinny]

I've reported this here from elsewhere.

Let me start by saying, this is in no way meant as a how do we not pay thread.

I've had to name change recently but not because of my posting this.

Dh has a lovely daughter almost 11, we have the great pleasure of sharing care which is 3-4 nights per week every week and 1 night for tea.

When dh and his ex gf parted an amount was suggested so as not to go through the courts.

In short dh pays his ex £60 per week (on a monthly basis) for maintenance plus an extra £10 a week to cover school lunches etc.

Both dh and I pay for clothing, he also pays half of all activities and if she goes on holiday with her mum spending money.

Based on dh income and the amount of nights we share she is entitled to £23 a week.

Dh intends on putting the majority of the remaining money he would've been paying put into an account for dsd for when she is 18.

There is a back story but too long to go into, my question is without involving legal officials how would you present this to the ex?

We both understand that this could get messy, however ex will never stop dh from having dsd as she has asked us to take her full time recently (which is not an option at this time sadly)

Can anyone offer advice? Dsd will never go without and we are trying to help set her up finacially for later on.

I'd say you can't afford it to continue paying at the current rate and take it from there.

From what you're saying, your DH has 50:50 care and I think it's becoming more accepted that maintenance shouldn't really be payable at all when that's the case. Especially if a) Mum is claiming cb / tax credits and b) your DH is paying school lunches / half of activities.

I agree he shouldn't have to pay anything at all, ex can claim tax credits and child benefit to cover her 50% of the time, you have to pay for things in your time from your own Income. another example of how fathers are treated so wrongly in the UK!

Yep! Effing ludicrous.

I think giving his ex money for school uniform is a good idea rather than her then asking for half later on.

It's the wording of a letter we're struggling with, I feel it's important to put it in writing.

If it helps, under the 'new' CSA i.e. the CMS - there is no maintenance due in 50:50 shared care arrangements. There might be something you can quote from their website as to why that is the case.

If your DH is worried about his DD 'going without', perhaps offer to provide uniform and pay for school lunches / trips / activities directly.

That's what my DH does. My DH also pays into DD's savings account weekly and provides Mum with annual statements to show he has done so.

I'm trying to find out what constitutes shared care. We have dsd 3 nights per week every week (inc days unless at school) and during holidays extra nights. She spends 1 night a week at her grandparents and 3 nights at her mums.

We all live way too close by to one another.

Just unsure how to present it really

I'd just say DP's paying over and above what he should be and from now on would rather the £ went in a savings account towards further education / deposit for a first home.

That or just say he can't afford it. Which presumably he can't if he's paying 3 times more than he should be.

tiggle that round about 50/50 I would push for that to be official.

Personally I'd stick to saying you can't afford it, unless it's obvious that you can.
I wouldn't get into saying that he's saving it for her separately. I think I'd feel quite annoyed being on the receiving end of that - could sound like I'm being accused of mismanaging the money.
I'd either say I couldnt afford it, or say that it didn't reflect the arrangements.