Step Mum Support group

[Rainbow20]

Hi, just new to this need to find some people who know what it's like to be a step mum. Non of my friends understand what it's like they all say "you knew what you were letting yourself in for" I love my fiance dearly and feel sorry for him has he tries really hard to please everyone but it's a difficult sitation. 3 step children under 5 and 2 exes to cope with too who go out of their way to be difficult. (not going to go into that too much as i dont want to sound bitter but it's not easy) we have the children every other weekend and i struggle with - Jealousy, feeling the outsider, guilt for not wanting to be there - if i go out i feel bad for leaving him with the 3 of them as it's hard work. Guilt that i dont go out as i am not seeing my friends enough. I am just stressed out and not coping too well. I really want to make this work but i am not coping too well at them moment. anyone out there in a similar situation?

Come over here
Don't feel bad about any of these feelings. If you read all the threads on here they are all perfectly normal.
Firstly the dsc are your DPs responsibility. If they are hard work, they are his hard work and not yours. Obviously help him if you feel able but be clear in your mind that this is a favour to him and not your job to do.
If you want to see more of your friends then you should be able to do so without feeling guilty.

What Kaluki said. No guilt required - did you have three kids? No. Go out and enjoy your life.

Plus, any time one of your friends complains, even good-naturedly, about their spouse or child, your automatic response should now be "But you knew what you were getting into when you had children/got married!"

I understand why you feel that way! Every other weekend may seem like it's not that much but actually if you work during the week, it's a lot of the time you spend together. And actually if you've never had 3 step kids under 5 before you didn't know what you were getting yourself into, and even if you had an idea, love is blind :P At first when you didn't see them much and you were head over heels it probably was ok, but now it's become a big part of your life. All of us have gone for a guy with something about them we said we'd never consider- whether it be a man with long hair, no job, a slight lack of intelligence or indeed kids...

It is hard devoting so much to kids that aren't yours, but I hope you see the benefits too! I too struggle with every other weekend being taken up no matter what- and it seems most of our friends end up having birthdays etc on the weekend we can't do, while the weekends we are free, no one asks us to do anything :P so we either have to choose who goes and who baby sits or more often than not, both don't go as we don't want to miss out on time with the kids. My biggest problem is that we have to go and stay with his parents on a Saturday night, as dsd 1 and 2 live in the same town, and that is where dsd 2 does a club on a Sunday morning, this drives me to distraction, but the alternative is being left out of the family things :/ and the kids want me to go with them so I'd feel bad staying at home.